#TweetWithBGH: Meet Critters, Your New Favorite 80s Movie
#TweetWithBGH learned an important lesson this week: no matter who you are or what you’ve done, if you’ve never seen Critters, then somewhere along your life’s journey you wasted at least an hour and a half that would have been much better spent watching little furry aliens shoot poison barbs at the defenseless inhabitants of a small farming community. Critters is the story of shapeshifting, humanoid, alien bounty hunters who come to earth to retrieve a batch of “critters,” another alien species, who get loose and end up terrorizing rural America; think Gremlins but cruder, campier, and cuter.
We're doing it! The bf and I have both never seen a single "Critters" movie. Can't wait! #TweetWithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
Love that classic New Line Cinema logo #critters #TweetWithBGH #prisonasteriod
— Coy (@pittman1382) December 7, 2015
Oh snaps! We got the original New Line Cinema logo! I'm getting Nightmare on Elm Street flashbacks! #TweetWithBGH
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 7, 2015
First impression: I had no clue there would be space battles involved, or Bounty Hunter's. #Critters #TweetWithBGH
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 7, 2015
BILLY ZANE?!?!? I'm 100000000000000% sold #TweetWithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
Roger Ebert gave this movie 3/4 stars! #TweetwithBGH https://t.co/Va1aoh0lsX
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
Our usual snark is no match for the alien bounty hunters and their glowing green ooze heads. Almost immediately, they win us over to the dark side.
I know I saw this movie several times as a child but I remember none of this weird alien stuff at allllll #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 7, 2015
@GreenSpe That one has a head made of gack! Remember Gak?! The 90 s were fun #TweetWithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
Woah! That face morphing thing was legit! I'm digging this set up I have to say. #TweetWithBGH #Critters
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 7, 2015
Why do we always pick movies where people are being born/formed from goop? #TweetWithBGH #Hellraiser #CometoDaddy
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
Meanwhile, on Earth, a midwestern family and their hangers-on struggle to make a convincing case for preservation of humanity.
Does Billy Zane have a.........ponytail?!?!? #TweetWithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
Soooo are we just not gonna talk about that creepy guy shooting a slingshot at a teenage girl's butt? #TweetWithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
There is a lot of sexual tension in this dinner scene - between all the wrong people. #TweetWithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
This kid uses slingshots and pranks on people just like I use secrets and blackmailed photos. #TweetWithBGH #Critters
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 7, 2015
I'm getting a Slingblade vibe off of this goofy neighbor. #TweetWithBGH #Critters
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 7, 2015
Oh, the halcyon days when all of our mom's dresses were made out of pillowcases #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 7, 2015
But half an hour in, this mid-80’s creature feature has bewitched us all.
#Critters feels like the perfect movie to watch after seeing Krampus this afternoon #TweetWithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
It's nice to look back and remember the days when Dee Wallace was in horror movies not directed by Rob Zombie. #TweetWithBGH #Critters
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 7, 2015
That might be the sweetest bowling shirt ever #Critters #TweetWithBGH
— Coy (@pittman1382) December 7, 2015
Those bowling shirt logos look like the Ghostbusters logo!! #TweetWithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
I'm so glad we picked this franchise. I can't wait to watch them all. I hope @MarkBGH joins us for at least one of them! #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 7, 2015
I could watch these weird aliens try to start a car for hours #TweetWithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
At long last, the critters arrive, attacking the star of the local bowling league and murdering out hayloft fornicators.
I can already tell I'm going to root for the critters because I am identifying them hardcore with my dog #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 7, 2015
The critter eating the firecracker is the saddest/cutest death in horror film history #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 7, 2015
The makeup is pretty awesome in this whether looking at gore effects or Dee Wallace's eye shadow. #TweetWithBGH #Critters
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 7, 2015
Fun Fact: Heather Langenkamp auditioned to be a Critter but she was cast in Nightmare on Elm Street instead as a person. #TweetWithBGH
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 7, 2015
A Critter just tried to come down the chimney and I stand by my Krampus comparison #TweetWithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
Critter death by falling ceiling fan! #TweetWithBGH These guys are too cute. How can you not root for them
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 7, 2015
Suddenly the Critters are growing even larger and the family sends their unaccompanied child off to get help for some reason.
You've got a perfectly capable teenager right there but sure, send the nine year old #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 7, 2015
If y'all couldn't handle them when they were the size of small oranges, what are you going to do once they grow?! #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
The Rob Zombie remake of #Critters will replace the creatures with literal vaginas; Sheri Moon will play the little boy naked. #TweetWithBGH
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 7, 2015
That Critter is tryna cop a feel #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
The film wraps things up with some effects straight out of an Ed Wood movie, and we can do nothing but beg for more.
My night is complete now that i get to watch a #critter wrecking a house montage #TweetwithBGH #worsthouseguestever
— Coy (@pittman1382) December 7, 2015
Body Count: a cow, 2 humans, and several chickens. #Critters #TweetWithBGH
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 7, 2015
So Charlie turned his fifth of liquor into a molotov cocktail to light an unlit firecracker in a cardboard spaceship... #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 7, 2015
I'm actually going back to rewatch some of those scenes, a first for #TweetWithBGH this was so campy and fun
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 7, 2015
@GreenSpe Ditto. @jeremyfuzy made me go back to see the Critter clamped tight to the daughter's vag. #TweetwithBGH pic.twitter.com/LUIPdZjrs9
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
I am sold on this franchise. One down, four to go! #Critters #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 7, 2015
Join #TweetWithBGH next Sunday for Critters 2: The Main Course!
Spencer
Contributor
A loophole in his parents' "anti-scary movie, pro-literacy" policy meant that Spencer had read Stephen King's entire body of work by the time he was in middle school. He soon discovered the horror and B-movie offerings on late night cable TV and was hooked for life. He currently lives, works, and writes in North Carolina.