#TweetWithBGH - "Critters 4" is the Cinematic Equivalent of a Gas Leak
If the Critters series deserves any credit this late in the game, it’s for trying (I guess) to build on its overarching story, movie by movie, no matter how convoluted it became. From a simple premise executed with a healthy dose of camp, the Critters films brought us by the final installment to a mostly incomprehensible stab at epic sci fi seriousness. I can’t even begin to summarize the plot here--basically, after the events of Critters 3 (when the dopey village idiot turned bounty hunter Charlie found unhatched krites eggs in a washing machine) we’re all catapulted into the year 2045, to something called “The Saturn Quadrant,” where the likes of Brad Dourif (!) and Angela Bassett (!!!) are leading a crew to...something...when instead they...uh, something something Critters.
Critters 4 channeling Star Wars so hard right now #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 28, 2015
It is kind of a marvel that a franchise such as this one held on to two leads for so long, isn't it? #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 28, 2015
That awkward moment you realize that Critters 4 is in space....pulling out all the FT13 stops (go to big city/go to space) #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 28, 2015
#TweetWithBGH All of this..the pod slinging past earth, the superimposed cels that in no way mimics how stars move...SATURN QUADRANT.
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 28, 2015
EVERYBODY'S HAIR. Is this what the future holds for us? #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 28, 2015
Brad Dourif is horror royalty, no doubt, but the unquestionable highlight of this movie is Angela Bassett.
I have to give Angela Bassett credit for actually trying here #TweetWithBGH This was just ONE YEAR before What's Love Got To Do With It
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 28, 2015
Love horror movies for how they can grab actors when they're first starting out; Angela Bassett, looking at you girl. #TweetWithBGH
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 28, 2015
Except when the highlight is the promise of cheesy gore.
This image is what is making me eagerly watch this movie. #Critters4 #TweetWithBGH pic.twitter.com/bWUKy0tkDL
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 28, 2015
Let’s address the elephant in the room right now: this movie is basically impossible to understand or summarize. Granted, none of us were trying that hard, but...a movie like Critters 4 shouldn’t exactly demand your unflagging attention.
I want to think this plot is confusing because I came in missing the beginning, but I doubt that's the problem. #TweetWithBGH #Critters4
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 28, 2015
WHAT IS HAPPENING #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 28, 2015
My scene has arrived!! I don't really even know what's going on, but my goodness am I happy. #TweetWithBGH #Critters4
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 28, 2015
What were the actual mechanics of his death? Did the one in his mouth have something to do with it? #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 28, 2015
I feel like I don't entirely know who Charlie is. I mean I know WHO he is, but I don't KNOW who he is. #TweetWithBGH #Critters4
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 28, 2015
@EvanSlead Maybe this movie has disrupted my brain's ability to process oxygen, but this is the greatest #tweetwithbgh of all time
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 28, 2015
More Star Wars parallels. This could be/is the same set as the trash compactor. Right? #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 28, 2015
I'm so lost it's hard to even have things to say #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 28, 2015
I just realized that the reason they have a critter go bald in every film is so they can reuse the same bald critter from C2 #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 28, 2015
Sometimes I play a game when watching confusing movies where I look at my phone and find something else to do. #TweetWithBGH #Critters4
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 28, 2015
If we ever have a Bloody Good Horror page-a-day calendar full of horror wisdom and inspiration, here’s my submission:
May we all greet every terrible task with the same grace and effort that Angela Bassett is bringing to this movie #TweetWithBGH
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 28, 2015
Sophie continues to keep track of the ripoffs:
AND this is a universe where Star Wars exist and they aren't realizing the STRIKING parallels with their real life? #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 28, 2015
The last word? This was a pointless sequel that never justified its existence.
The parts I do understand in this movie are now annoying. Why make the good guys the bad guys? #TweetWithBGH #Critters4
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 28, 2015
"For a movie called Critters 4, I'm disappointed that there have been less than 4 scenes with Critters"-Watching with a friend #TweetwithBGH
— Sophie Day (@philliesfemme) December 28, 2015
At this point I just want to watch the making of #Critters4 to hear the actors pretend to be excited to be here. #TweetWithBGH
— Evan Slead (@EvanSlead) December 28, 2015
#TweetWithBGH The music playing over the end credits of this movie means someone in the production of Critters 4
— S. G. Cherryhomes (@GreenSpe) December 28, 2015
Believe it or not, no one ever made a sequel to Critters 4, but more #TweetWithBGH is coming your way in 2016! Stay tuned for the next series!
Spencer
Contributor
A loophole in his parents' "anti-scary movie, pro-literacy" policy meant that Spencer had read Stephen King's entire body of work by the time he was in middle school. He soon discovered the horror and B-movie offerings on late night cable TV and was hooked for life. He currently lives, works, and writes in North Carolina.