Trailers: Oh. EM. GEE. IT'S HATCHET 3!!

HI EVERYBODY! (This needs to be read in a Simpson-esque Dr. Nick voice. Otherwise, it just totally doesn't work). It is I, your Connoisseur of Crap, returning from yet another extended hiatus. No, this time, the guys didn't "forget" they had locked me in the basement; I've just been recovering from some surgeries. You don't really know "exhausted" until you're just too damn tired to watch horror movies and make sarcastic comments on the interwebs. Luckily for you, coinciding with my triumphant return is a return of another kind: Everyone's favorite misunderstood swamp-dwelling, hatchet-wielding, slightly deformed, yet oh-so-lovable maniac, Victor Crowley (who is again played by the towering Kane Hodder of Friday the 13th fame) is back for another gore soaked swamp-romp in HATCHET 3!

The third entry in the series (just thought I would clear that up, in case anyone was unsure what was the purpose of the '3' in the movie title ) looks to continue the over-the-top gore and dark humor for which Adam Green has made this series known. If you haven't seen Hatchet - WHY NOT? There's a reason why Adam Green's (then) Horror debut is still held is such high regard; it's one of those rare instances where 'The Guys' (Mark, Eric, Joe, Casey, know, all of the Head Honchos) with their fancy-schmancy film school edjamacaution, & who are always evaluating films based on high brow concepts such as "plot" or "acting", and don't seem to appreciate moon nazis, rabid midget porn star cannibals, evil bongs with demonic powers, or even poop zombies, actually AGREE and LOVE the same move I do! For all the same reasons, too! Bonus!

The release of Hatchet 2 was a bit more rocky, if not simply because of the controversy surrounding the unrated movie's short run & unexpected pulling from all AMC theaters. Overnight, AMC's decision and the MPAA turned a potentially great horror-comedy into a 3-ringed circus.

A fiasco from a previous movie release might give other directors pause, perhaps leading to a bit of a tone down in gore, adult content, or heavens forbid, "sensitive issues" that may upset some individual that never learned to look away or ignore any content that he or she may find offensive! But this is Adam Mother-FUCKIN' GREEN. NOBODY puts ADAM GREEN in the corner! This time, he came out swinging, only with body bags and body parts. However, don't take my word for it - watch the trailer for yourself.

Hatchet 3 is set to hit theaters on June 14th (I'm hoping VOD as well) and stars Danielle Harris, Zach Galligan and of course, the previously mentioned Kane Hodder as as BJ McDonnell.

That Ghoul Eva