Best of 2013 - Mark's Take
5. The Conjuring
Although I'm not usually one for supernatural escapades, even I have to respect "The Conjuring" and its kitchen-sink approach to jump scares and possessed things. "Based on a true story" has never been stretched so far, and I ain't mad about it.
I didn't know that "Natural Born Killers set on the English countryside" was a film I wanted to see until I welcomed "Sightseers" into my life. It's not the most pleasant comedy you'll ever see, but it's delightful nasty streak and pitch perfect ending make it a must see.
3. Pacific Rim
"Pacific Rim" is a masterpiece of imagination and a clusterfuck of a film. Guillermo Del Toro is at his best when he's indulging his whims, and this monstrous number is by far his most indulgent film yet.
2. Evil Dead
If this film weren't a remake, it would have genre fans losing their minds over the literal torrent of gore and wince-inducing uberviolence. Horror purists may continue to ignore "Evil Dead" at their peril, but that's what makes it such a bloody treat.
It's rare that Oscar-bait makes it to our humble list, but tension is tension, and "Gravity" sure is tense. It's almost not fair to include this film on my list, but to ignore it would be to ignore the fact that it's probably a better horror film than any other theatrical horror film this year.
The Next Five
5. Texas Chainsaw 3D
This film was neither TCM nor 3D enough to justify its existence. Can we stop?
4. World War Z
I'm not convinced that anyone gave this patchwork piece of garbage a once over before sending it out into the world.
3. The Lords of Salem
Will I ever tire of seeing Sheri Moon Zombie and her white girl dreadlocks dancing with a flipper baby? Yes, yes I will.
2. A Haunted House
I hate this film for so many reasons, but mostly because "I kicked you in your ghost balls" is something I'm going to have to hear repeated by Eric for a long time to come.
1. The Last Exorcism Part II
There are bad sequels and there are BAD sequels. The Lastest Exorcism stripped the meat off of its worthy predecessor in disastrous fashion, and left a voodoo-chicken sized hole in my heart.