8 Classic Scenes from Carpenter's "Halloween" Ruined by Modern Technology

A lot has changed since John Carpenter’s classic Halloween hit theaters in 1978. During Michael Myers' initial run stalking the teens of Haddonfield, IL things like smart phones, high speed internet access and Candy Crush were the stuff of science fiction. Now, they're our reality. There's no doubt that these advancements have made our lives significantly better and more livable. One thing they wouldn't make better? John Carpenter's 1978 Halloween.

Don’t agree? Let's pretend, through some Terminator-esque time-travel plot device, that John Carpenter never made Halloween in 1978. Like Judgment Day in Terminator 3, his film is postponed. Eventually, he sets out to make it in 2015 and is saddled with our technology. How would that film be different, nay, worse? Let's explore. Here are 8 classic moments from Halloween ruined by modern technology.  

8. Clothes shopping with an escaped mental patient

After delivering a warning laced with his signature blend of paranoia and menace to the Haddonfield P.D. via a payphone, Loomis notices a matchbook which confirms he’s on Michael’s trail. In 2015, Dr. Loomis likely would have a hands-free system rigged so he can deliver ominous alerts to small town cops without needing to stop. Sure, this would increase his productivity, but it would also rob us of the big reveal that Michael killed that mechanic and stole his clothes.    

7. Tommy’s big scare

One of Tommy’s few shining moments comes when, with all the grace of Chris Farley playing a motivational speaker, he “hides” behind a curtain and scares his pal Lindsey. Any self-respecting modern day kids would be several hours into a videogame binge by that point in the evening. There’s no way either one of them gets up from the couch to debase themselves with anything so low tech. Hell, there’s a better chance one of them shushes Laurie as she runs screaming through the house with Michael in pursuit.      

6. Annie’s obscene chewing

At one point, Annie calls up Laurie to confirm their plans for later that evening. For some reason, Annie waits until the second the phone starts ringing to shove an entire apple into her mouth. Laurie thinks it’s an obscene phone call and freaks out. No one calls to confirm plans in 2015. It’s the exact reason texting was invented. It eliminates the need for conversations which shouldn’t take longer than ten seconds but get awkwardly dragged out because it feels wrong to announce “Be there at 6!” into the phone and then immediately hang up after the other person responds with “K!”

5. Lynda and Bob, getting it on

Lynda and her boyfriend Bob plan to use the house Annie is babysitting in to screw around. When they show up and find the place empty, they do their thing, Michael does his and that’s that. In today’s world, there’s no way Lynda refrains from immediately posting a dozen pictures of her and Bob in the house to Facebook. Laurie, who would undoubtedly be friends with all of the parents in the neighborhood, would like/comment on one of them, inadvertently alerting the grownups to what was going on. Instead of murdered, Bob and Lynda might just get grounded. Good for them, less so for us.       

4. Lynda totally still gets killed

Let’s say somehow Lynda avoids Facebooking while having sex in a stranger’s house. Maybe her phone is dead. In the movie, she meets her end when Michael sneaks up behind her and chokes her with the phone cord. Today? Michael’s good, but it’s tough to strangle someone with a cordless phone. Sure, he could just strangle her with his hands, but he already did that to Annie. Add in Michael’s attempt to strangle Laurie later in the film and he is a serious risk of being typecast as a sneak-up-from-behind-strangle-by-hand killer. One thing is certain: Unimaginative slashers don't get franchises.  

3. Annie’s adventures in laundry

Annie gets butter on her clothes while making popcorn, strips in the kitchen, dons a strategically-placed dress shirt and takes her clothes outside to clean them. While out there, she’s sort of vaguely-menaced by Michael. Anyone who has watched a second of HGTV knows that people are super picky about washer-dryer placement. There is no way, with 2015 appliance-stacking technology, a suburban family is going to tolerate having to walk outside to do their laundry. What happens in the winter? “Mom, my shirt’s dirty!” “Do you know how cold it is out there? Throw it in the fireplace and we’ll buy you a new one in the spring.”  

2. Loomis lurking, scaring children

Apparently, back in the day a fairly notorious murderer could waltz himself out of an insane asylum and back to his hometown without anyone in the media getting wise to it. Today, a janitor or that nurse who shows up again in “H20” or one of the other cops would immediately tweet about his escape. It’s much harder to lurk around in bushes and workshop monologues about evil when you have a dozen camera crews following you around.

1. The night he tried to come home, but got caught right away

GPS sort of negates a big chunk of the movie. Like, almost all of the classic scenes other than the opening. If, for some reason, Loomis’ car doesn’t have a GPS, you know, in their hasty departure from the car, one of either Loomis or the nurse would leave their cell phone behind. Instead of a long night of terror, Halloween would be about one guy at a computer going “There he is. Right there. I’m going on break.”