Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga looked concerned in "The Conjuring"

10 Warning Signs You Need to Call the Warrens

While Ed and Lorraine Warren aren’t quite the first couple of spookiness – that title is reserved for James Wan and whoever happens to be standing next to him – they are kind of a big deal. The big screen’s most aesthetically-pleasing eeriness eradicators can currently be seen doing battle with British demons in The Conjuring 2. Where they go from there is anyone’s guess. Will it be Connecticut? Union Cemetary? Another site of one of their many infamous investigations?  

However, if one or more of the following points sounds familiar, you may soon find yourself wishing you could summon the full power of Patrick Wilson’s sideburns and Vera Farmiga to come and save you from the supernatural.

Here are ten signs your house may need a Warren – or Warren-esque – intervention.       

Warning Sign #1: Missing Pets

Your cat and dog have gone missing and, in a peculiar coincidence, you’ve also noticed a pair of very short, oddly hairy strangers in trench coats stealing your lost pet signs.

Warning Sign #2: Fancy Sleepwear 

You or someone you live with owns a nightgown. Bonus Warren points if it's plain white and Victorian-styled.

Warning Sign #3: Atmospheric Elderly Folks

Every elderly person in your neighborhood trails off whenever he or she uses the word “history” in connection with your house, e.g., “This house has a lot of history …” or “I didn’t think anyone would ever buy that old place, what with the history … and all.”

Warning Sign #4: Skyrocketing Crucifix Expenses 

Your crucifix and crucifix-related expenses went inexplicably through the roof during your most recent budgeting period.

Warning Sign #5: Scrabble, Interrupted  

You haven’t finished a game of Scrabble in months because all of the letters keep rearranging themselves to urge you to buy an Ouija board.

Warning Sign #6: Cult-ish Neighbors

Your good-for-nothing next-door neighbors keep borrowing your stuff and you just know they’ve been using it as part of ritual suicides.

Warning Sign #7: Local Kids Keep Their Distance 

Local kids don’t trick or treat at your house. Instead, they stand outside it all Halloween night, daring each other to walk up the front steps and onto the porch. Then, anytime you open the door to try to give them candy, they run away screaming.

Warning Sign #8: You've Got THAT Friend 

You know someone who wouldn’t hesitate to give you a doll that looked like this:

Furthermore, you can’t get rid of it because he/she will 100% notice the instant it goes missing and, should you attempt to point out how clearly evil it is, that person is going to turn it into a whole thing.

Warning Sign #9: Failed Attempts At Bookstore Mentorship

You’ve ever been frustrated by a Barnes & Noble employee’s lack of knowledge on the supernatural to the point where you stormed out complaining about the death of “mom and pop bookstores where you could get honest advice on unexplainable phenomenon.”

Warning Sign #10: Misused Internet Time

Videos alleging to depict real exorcisms, ghost sightings, and other supernatural phenomenon outnumber cat videos in your Internet browser history by a count of at least 2-to-1.  

Colin

Contributor

Colin is a long time fan of horror movies, books and TV shows. Thanks to a childhood viewing of "The Shining," he still always checks behind the shower curtain ... just in case.

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