eli roth

Fourteen years ago Eli Roth burst onto the horror scene with the gory, darkly funny and memorable Cabin Fever. Since then the quality of his conbtributions to the horror community have been extremely varied but there is little doubt that this first entry is a shining star in a time period that was particularly depressing for horror. So it seems fitting in light of the backlash that he's gotten over the last few years that he is returning to produce what once made him one of our most promising young stars. In this version he has handed the directorial rights to Travis Zariwny who also has the home invasion flick Intruder on the docket.

In which Eli Roth attempts to get deep. 

There is a joke in Eli Roth’s The Green Inferno that relies on the audience’s familiarity with one of the possible side effects of smoking pot. Now being of the horror-loving sort around the BGH offices we’ve seen our fair share of slack-jawed, lovable burnouts that often stand in as a sort of audience surrogate. But pot jokes and cannibal films each have steep points of entry. Even if you are aware of what the iconographies of these things are there’s not much inherent in them that will convince uninterested parties to appreciate the delicacies of graphic rending and blunts.

Wherein we discover yet another dark layer of Joe's subconscious. 

It’s pretty bizarre to me that, as notorious as the film “Audition” is, I’d somehow I’d made it this long without either watching it or even so much as hearing any of the specifics of the movie. In fact the only thing I’d really known about this movie is that it was one of the films that helped inspire “Hostel,” thereby helping to launch the “torture-porn” craze in horror here in the States.

When I watched “Aftershock” by Nicolas Lopez I knew immediately after watching it how I felt. Much like the recent “Evil Dead” remake I went back and forth during the movie but once I left the theater it hit me like a residual aftershock: that was dumb. Pardon my lame and immature word, but it’s the first thought that came to my mind. In big boy words, “Aftershock” suffered from a genre identity crisis and ultimately created a pointless story full of empty character development.

The plot of "The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence)" is being kept under lock and key but the news that the film will feature a 500 person long ATM showboat along with a casting call sheet that implies the film will take place in a prison has got us all in a flutter. No confirmation on if the rumors are true but let's be honest, we'll all be sobbing when the final credits roll so it doesn't really matter how it happens. Kind of like when you saw "Return of the Jedi" and you realized the saga was over.

Good news nerds! The "Day of the Dead" Blu-ray has finally been given a release date. September 17th is the day you'll be able to get your grubby hands on the flick, which is actually been released before, but with a crappy ass transfer that looked like it was being played on a silver VCR or something. This version will also be chock full of special features to get you all giddy over. You see the original VCRs were silver. That's the joke here. A silver VCR would be super old.

Spike Lee's "Oldboy" remake has gotten itself a new release date in the form of October 25th, 2013. That just so happens to be the same release date as "Paranormal Activity 5". I know. Drama! I think the important thing to keep in mind here is that we may not have to watch "Paranormal Activity 5" for the podcast now. I will begin drafting my thank you letter to Spike Lee immediately.

Looks like there's a solid chance that the Eli Roth produced Netflix series "Hemlock Grove" will get a second season. Nothing is confirmed but a higher up at Netflix noted that they're looking at pitches for the second season and looking for a storyline. I have no idea if this is good news or not. Let's just comment on how Eli Roth is a charming son of a bitch and move on.

George Romero's 1981 film "Knightriders", possibly the only one he's ever made that makes the original "The Crazies" look tolerable, is finding its way to Blu-Ray on April 22. For those of you not familiar with the flick (check out our podcast but only pay attention to my opinion) it's about a group of medieval re-enactors who ride on motorcycles rather than horses. I'm not kidding. Oh and Tom Savini wears a speedo. It's awful.

Colin Trevorrow has been hand selected to direct "Jurassic Park 4" after a extensive search. Producer Steven Spielberg spent 4 weeks in the Amazon surviving only on what he hunted and smoking opium before traveling to the tallest mountain in the forest to meet his spirit animal who reportedly told him Trevorrow would be the right man for the job. He then traveled to the director's home and forced him at gun point to slaughter four chickens, two rabbits and one goat to solidify the deal. It's Jurassic god damn Park people. This shouldn't be taken lightly.

"Aftershock", Nicolas Lopez's English debut starring Eli Roth, will find it's way into limited theaters on May 10. Selena Gomez also pops up in the film about a group of travelers in Chile who find themselves trying to survive after an earthquake hits. Apparently in Chile people go around killing each other with axes when a earthquake hits. It's a strange wondrous land. Never visit it.

Paul W.S. Anderson will apparently return again to direct "Resident Evil 6". Oh man they got him? Sometimes you just get lucky.

The first existential crisis of 2013...