hellraiser

Because literature and filmmaking are different disciplines that utilize different skills in order to create fear and dread in audiences, it is rare that a skilled artisan from one field can effectively transition into the other (anyone remember Stephen King’s directing on “Maximum Overdrive”). A rare exception to the case is that of novelist/screenwriter/director Clive Barker.

For those of you who don't subscribe to Showtime or don't know how to illegally download TV shows off the internet like most of America you'll be excited to know that "Dexter" is finally coming to Netflix streaming on October 31st. Well to be more accurate seasons 1 through 5 will be coming to Netflix on the 31st and the rest of the seasons will hit on January 1st. So come January 2nd there will be a whole new crop of people complaining about how the show ended. Happy holidays.

I never remember what movies Neill Blomkamp has made but I do remember always thinking his name sounds like one of those insane sexual acts that no one ever really does but people seem to all know about. What a dirty dirty man. And apparently Sigourney Weaver is a dirty girl because she's signed on to his next film titled "Chappie". No word on what role she'll play but the film is about a robot with mad crazy artificial intelligence skills who gets kidnapped by a couple of gangsters. Kind of like "Short Circuit" but without all of the comedy and an Italian guy doing a terrible Indian accent.

Last week I broke the exclusive news that Clive Barker would be personally writing the script for the upcoming "Hellraiser" remake. I know, I was kind of shocked when he chose me to be the one person he told. Of course he also asked me not to tell anyone else and now we're fighting but it was kind of worth it ya know? Plus, that guy loves an Edible Arrangement so I'm pretty sure I can make it up to him pretty easily. The point I'm getting to here is that he told some other people that the film will in fact be rated R. So now I'm telling you.

Kevin Tancharoen has apparently been onboard to direct the "Mortal Kombat" reboot for about 3 years now. He's decided to leave the project though. Cause ya, it's been 3 years or something. I don't know, I lost interest in stuff after about a week. Case in point the frequency of these news posts. Just saying.

I was gaga over this "You're Next" when it was in theaters a few months back. Mostly because I like looping songs, masks and Craig T. Nelson. Well good news for me and everyone else who likes awsome things because it's just been announced that the home invasion flick will hit Blu-Ray and other homeless-people-medias on January 14th. The disc will come with a making-of featurette, two commentary tracks and god knows what else. Just to be clear Craig T. Nelson is not in this movie. I just really like him.

Clive Barker has dropped the bomb that he will in fact write the script for the upcoming "Hellraiser" remake. Want to get moister? The original Pinhead himself Doug Bradley will reprise his role. Want to get moister!? I'm wearing one of those old-timey pajama numbers where the bottom flips down so you can make BM. Alright that last one was a lie, but I kind of wanted to see what sort of sick crap you're into. Sinner.

Andre Ovredal created "Troll Hunter" and because I loved that movie and all things Norwegian I want to be his best friend. I now know why he isn't returning my letters though, it's because he's working on "The Autopsy of Jane Doe", a new film about a father son mortuary team who begin to unravel the mystery surrounding a Jane Doe they receive. No word on a cast yet but the project is set to begin filming in London shortly. Alright, I haven't really written him or anything. No one writes letters anymore. They UPS hair dolls.

Tim Daly, Mario van Peebles, Cody Christian and Willa Ford have all been confirmed to be joining the cast of Steven C. Miller's "Submerged". I read the plot to this film a good 4 times but I really just kept thinking about how I think Willa Ford is probably 300 years old now and is still hot. How is that possible? Wasn't she a pop star back in the 90's? What the hell is going on? Wait no, she's 32. That's younger than I am and I'm hideous. This has taken a terrible turn.

Why the hell not? It looks like Sonar Entertainment and Panacea Entertainment are teaming up to create a new TV series based on the "Hellraiser" franchise. Nothing has actually been written or sold to anyone but if all goes well you'll be seeing Pinhead on Fox Family next Fall.

The "Leprechaun" reboot is finally getting some traction today, dropping the news that it will be titled "Leprechaun: Origins" and has a little leading man in the form of Hornswoggle. Apparently that's a wrestler and I have no idea what his real name is but based on the amount of twitter action I saw this past Sunday during Wrestlemania 95% of our readers have semis right now.

I don't know about you but I loved "The Woman in Black". I want to open mouth kiss it at inspiration point. So now I'm excited for the three way I'm going to have in the back of my Honda CRV because a sequel has just been announced. "The Woman in Black: Angels of Death" will pick up 40 years after the first film and is being penned by Jon Croker who worked as the story editor on the first film. Alright I know you can't have sex with a movie. A guy can dream though can't he?

Get excited, kids! "We Need to Talk About Kevin", everyone's favorite "my son is an asshole" flick is coming to Blu-Ray and DVD on May 29th. That's all I got. Please tip your waiter.

Where do Werewolves go when they die? For decades we thought we'd never know. But the film "Zombie Werewolves Attack", which was just picked up by Troma for distribution, is here to give us answers. They turn into Zombies, that's the answer. You should have figured that out by title alone.

Christian E. Christiansen, a guy who's most notable credit is a Danish series called "Mikkel og guldkortet", is rumored to be the next in line to direct the "Hellraiser" remake. Fret not though, Amber Heard is also rumored to be landing a role in the film and she's famous for, well being hot and stuff.

Mia Wasikowska, who you all remember as Alice from the "Alice in Wonderland" has been offered a role in the upcoming big screen adaptation of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". Bradley Cooper has apparently also been offered a role so I'm officially declaring today's news the hunkiest in BGH history.

Finally last night at the 2010 Scream Awards the trailer for "Scream 4" apparently premiered and thanks to the power of cell phones there's now 100 youtube videos of the trailer with tons of crowd noise. Enjoy!

David Hackl, the director of "Saw V" has got a new film coming out called "Red Machine" and today we've got our first image. The movie is about a bear that goes nuts and kills people so the image is of... you guessed it, a pissed off bear. Well played!

For those of you who enjoy the written word, Clive Barker is just about wrapped up with "The Scarlet Gospels", the final chapter in his "Hellraiser" series. Hopefully they'll make a movie out of it, because pictures are better then words. Fact!

Ciaran Hinds is in talks to play the Devil in the upcoming "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" film. What's better? Some Italian actress/singer named Violante Placido is apparently in talks to join the cast as well. I've never heard of her and from what I've seen on Google Images she's never heard of clothing either.

Finally here's some new images from "My Soul to Take". They've got a kid freakin out and then another one with some kids drawing straws and... oh god I just don't have it in me anymore. This movie is going to be awful.

Still upset about Doug Bradley not playing Pinhead in the next Hellraiser film? Yeah I don't really give a crap either but apparently Stephan Smith Collins will be replacing Doug as Pinhead in the upcoming "Hellraiser: Revelations" flick. You might remember him from the cult classic "Come Fly with Me Nude" and if you do you should see someone about it.

Normally I am the most Gung-Ho USA person ever invented but today I am starting to think about moving. You see the Irish Film Classification Office has decided to ban the re-release of the 1978 film "I Spit on Your Grave". Any sort of country that would block that pile of turds from coming out must be some sort of magical wonderland.

Some new photos from this Halloween's "Saw 3D" have found their way online and they're pretty much what you'd expect. Honestly Ireland if you ban this one too I'll start packing up the apartment when I get home from work today.