buffy the vampire slayer

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Opening this weekend is the bizarrely titled but conceptually interesting "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". His notoriety instantaneously makes the 16th President of the United States the most famous vampire slayer amongst his peers. Though it remains to be seen whether or not the film itself can live up to some of the other impressive slayers, killers and purifiers in the realm of cinema vampire lore. So in case Mr. Lincoln doesn't satisfy your bloodlust, here are 9 Essential Vampire Hunter Films.


9. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The chances that there's a "Gremlins 3" in the works are slim to none but it looks like the good people at Universal have registered the domain www.gremlins3.com. That could just mean that they don't want some hot shot fan boy getting the domain and putting up some nude photos of Gizmo riding a horse bareback. But who knows. Does anyone know if scarface2.com and thegodfather4.com are available?

I'm going to address this next news item to the one person I know who is actually excited about "Underworld: Awakening". Hey, Eric! There's a new trailer for "Underworld: Awakening". It looks like some sort of crappy hand held rip from "[REC]" or whatever that US version of "[REC]" was called. Man I don't know why you're so excited about this. I get it, Kate Beckinsale is in a pleather unitard, or whatever, but come on man. Is it weird that I'm addressing you directly and you're the same Eric from the podcast and the same person who proofs this news? Creepy huh? What are you wearing?

If you're still trying to squeeze your fat ass into your "Angel" size medium t-shirt then I have some bad news for you. The much discussed and long delayed "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" reboot has officially lost its writer, Whit Anderson. It also looks like the creators are going back to the drawing board throwing out some standard "it has to be done" type comments that pretty much mean "we really don't want to do it so we're going to make up some excuses about it not feeling right and then go back to napping on the giant pile of cash we already have.". That's just my guess though.

You'll get no sarcasm from me here folks because I just wet myself after reading the news that a "Jaws" Blu-Ray release is finally coming. Granted it's not hitting till the summer of 2012 and yes that's confusing because it's probably just going to include the same features I've watched a thousand times but still. It's going to be so crystal clear you'll feel like you're in the water with the shark. Not that you'd want to be... it kills people, remember.

If you're a fan of Platinum Dunes remakes then prepare to get pumped! The gang expects to have a script ready for a remake of the childhood classic "Monster Squad" sometime this week. For those of you who aren't fans though I'd like to invite you over to my apartment for a delightful buffet style lunch this afternoon.

Chan-wook Park's first English language film "Stoker" now has a leading lady with Mia Wasikowska landing the role of a girl who has to deal with a strange uncle who shows up after her fathers passing. Unfortunately Wasikowska hasn't really appeared in any really ridiculous films so I'm drawing a blank on sarcastic comments. Sorry folks.

NBC has picked up the pilot for "Grimm", a cop drama that takes place in a world where characters based on the Brothers Grimm's stories are real. The show will be produced by some of the same folks that brought you "Angel" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" which I will not hold against it because it actually sounds like a cool idea.

How have we gone this long without another Gingerdead Man movie? Hell if I know but after seeing the trailer for "Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver", yes it's got a disco theme, I feel like a giant hole in my heart that I didn't even know was there has been filled. That and I feel kind of gassy, but mostly the hole filled thing.

I had all these fun sarcastic things to say about the new trailer for "Black Death" but I just don't have it in me. This red band sucker has witches, people getting poked with spikes and all around Medieval nastiness. Unfortunately now I just feel like I need a shower and I'd like to take a nap.

All kinds of hot pics have hit the tubes from the soon to be classic "Dead Race 2". Yes it's direct to DVD and no there's no Jason Statham but hey they still have cars in the movie with machine guns and stuff. That's still something, right?

Two new posters for Kevin Smith's "Red State" have been released and about as fun as shooting a toothless hog outside of a trailer hitch. Or at least that's what I assume the people in those posters would say. maybe something about vittles. Point being they look like they're a product of inbreeding. Get it?

In case you've been up all night wondering if Heather Morris from "Glee" is actually being considered for the role of Buffy in the upcoming re-make/re-boot/re-whogivesashit then I'm happy to report you can finally sleep. She is being considered. Happy now?

Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy are rumored to be up for the roles of Elizabeth and Darcy in the upcoming big screen version of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". I have no idea who those characters are so I couldn't tell you if this is a good idea or not. I also can't remember who James McAvoy is but I do enjoy the work of that girl from "The Princess Diaries".

Guillermo del Toro apparently has 30 different movies in production and now he's got a video game. The game is called "inSANE" and there's a teaser on the nets even though the game doesn't come out until 2013. There's no game footage, no hint about what the game is and really no info whatsoever but hey, Guillermo del Toro, right? Right.

I am not the least bit ashamed to admit I watch "Glee" and by far my favorite character on the show is Brittney played by Heather Morris. Well, Morris is now rumored to be the front runner for the upcoming "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" reboot which means I may actually want to see it. Of course that's only if she plays a cheerleader with a pretty hefty learning disability. I think that's what the original Buffy was about anyway though, right?

If you're going to call your movie "Roid Rage" you should probably have some high school football players who go nuts and start murdering everyone. But the trailer for the film shows none of that, not even a Barry bonds reference. I'm starting to think the movie doesn't even have steroids in it. All of this would be shameful if it wasn't for the great one liner at the 54 second mark. I don't want to spoil it for you.

I don't want to get your hopes up but I think Heath Ledger may be alive. Or at least it looks like he may make an appearance in the next Batman film via unreleased footage from the last movie. But let's go with Zombie Ledger, it sounds cooler. What, too soon?

All the world has Monica Keena fever right now. I mean did you see "Night of the Demons"? Action! And now she's been cast as a cult member in "Manson Girls" along with Laura Harring, Patti D'Arbanville, Estella Warren and Stella Maeve. Who's excited now? I don't even know what it's like to not be sarcastic anymore. Please help me.

Why the hell are people still talking to Joss Whedon about the freakin' "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" remake? I don't know folks but apparently now he is saying that he was offered to be a part of the film and passed. I can't wait to see what comes out next week so I can put it in the news and complain about it.

Here's the cast and a promo video for the new Syfy series "Being Human" which is the first thing I've seen on that channel that didn't feature a giant something or other. Unless you count Sam Huntington's forehead. I mean am I right? Anyway the show is about a ghost, a vampire, and a werewolf all living together and trying to cope. With sexy results!