dark shadows

Horror Headlines: Friday November 5th, 2010

Tim Burton and super hunk Johnny Depp will finally begin filming the big screen version of "Dark Shadows" this April. For those of you not familiar with the original TV show it's kind of like "Soup" but not funny, with vampires and a lot of English accents. Of course I learned all this from a TV commercial selling the entire series on DVD so I could be off.

I've yet to figure out what a producer actually does but John Carpenter is apparently set to be the executive producer on Dennison Ramalho's new film "The Hell Within". Apparently the entire movie will be shot in Brazil so I'm starting to think old John John is just looking for a vacation.

What's next up on the remake list? "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things", the 1973 zombie flick which I'm 99% sure was shot on someone's home camera. Did they have home cameras back then? I have no clue, maybe that's a really good thing for back then. What a strange and wondrous world it must of been back in the 70's.

Oh boy, who's as excited as me for the second episode of "The Walking Dead"? No one, that's the answer, no one could possibly be as excited as I am. Anyway here's a sneak peek at the second episode, don't even try to pretend that you wet yourself like I did. That's Joe's thing!

Horror Headlines: Friday July 24th, 2009

Forest Whitaker and 50 Cent will play “intense” dueling personalities in the umpteenth retelling of “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”, according to MTV. This makes me a bit mad because they both turned down my cop movie “Lazy Eye and Mumble Mouth: NYPD” to do it.

After he's done with “Alice in CGI-land”, Tim Burton's next movie will be a remake/retelling/reimagining of the 1960s cult vampire soap opera “Dark Shadows”. Let's place bets now that Johnny Depp is in it. Is it just me or is Tim Burton out of ideas? When he's not destroying the Ozone Layer applying copious amounts of Aquanet to his Robert Smith-like coif, I think that he's too busy rolling around naked in piles of money made off the fleshy backs of 30-year-old women who's wardrobe mainly consists of “Nightmare Before Christmas” hoodies to come up with anything original ever again. Seriously ladies, it's called TJ Maxx. Get yourself a nice pantsuit, on me.

Swarthy homunculus Danny DeVito, taking a break from banging that hot piece of ass known as Rhea Perlman, has started an original horror film website called “The Blood Factory”. Danny DeVito? Are they “short” films? Hahahahahaha...oh, wait, they are. I give the website a year, but, then again, that's what I said about Ted Danson's “Becker”, and that lasted at least three years, two of them HILARIOUS.

I don't know why it hasn't been pimped here, but how about you do yourself a favor and download “Who Wants a Tortilla?”, a joint project between BGH and Night of the Living Podcast, starring me and Chiz, and filmed at last spring's HorrorHound Weekend! We make Tom Savini uncomfortable!

Horror Headlines: Wednesdady June 24th, 2009

Depp says Burton will be tackling his adaptation of "Dark Shadows" immediately after they finish up "Alice". No one seems to be asking if there's even potential in a remake of the cheesy TV vampire soap. Right now I'm more interested to see how his "Alice in Wonderland" adaptation goes.

I get it, poster for the festival hit "Dead Girl", lips look like vaginas. Actually, ya, that's a pretty sweet poster.

M. Night Shyamalan now has his very own official site. It stars M. Night Shyamalan in an M. Night Shyamalan produced project, where M. Night Shyamalan plays the most important person in the world who is meant to save us all by saying profound things in really childish and oversimplified ways. Sounds awesome, no?

Horror Headlines: Friday March 20th, 2009

For a while last year I was reporting on this film called "Cleavagefield", which appears to be some kind of softcore spoof on "Cloverfield" only with you know, more boobs. Then I realized that the joke was kind of over and my coverage was a little embarrassing, so I stopped. Today there's a story that was too funny to pass up though, with news of the "Cleavage" field monster revealed! Hmmm... sort of looks like a cross between Dino from The Flinstones and one of those blowup things you see in front of car dealerships when they're having a big sale. In other words, classy.

IGN has a new "Terminator" salvation poster. Every morning when I wake up I punch myself in the face for letting McG get me this excited about one of this films. One things for sure, the man knows how to work a fanboy.

It turns out that Johnny Depp's production company is actually PRODUCING the "Dark Shadows" update that's been in the works for a while. They hope to shoot in the Fall, and although nothing's official yet, it's reported that Tim Burton is Depp's "first and only choice" for director. Stay tuned for more.

"Martyrs" hits DVD in the states on April 28th, 2009. Here's your long awaited chance to check out the hottest foreign horror property out there right now. That date is now just a little more than a month away.