better than twilight

Ridley Scott, one of the most overrated directors of all time—yeah, I said it—has signed on to direct the prequel to “Alien”. The original movie made him famous and allowed him to direct such “classics” as “Legend” and “White Squall”. Even though writer Jon Spaihts is currently writing the screenplay, I've used my crystal ball, nicknamed “common sense”, and read the screenplay already: spaceship encounters the alien, alien gets into the ducts, the lights go out, the spaceship's inhabitants are offed one by one and a lone woman survivor takes him down. There, I saved you $10, two hours and countless wasted high hopes.

HBO's “True Blood”, or, as it really should be called, “Twilight for Adults”, has been renewed for a third season. That's at least six more weeks of shower-nozzle masturbation fantasies for the ladies!!!

Geez, it's been a while since we've heard anything from director Uwe Boll, hasn't it? Boll, one of the most underrated directors of all time, and better than Ridley Scott—yeah, I said it—has a new film in the works called “Rampage”, that looks like a deadly serious version of “Postal”, and we all know how much I loved “Postal”. Still, with Boll doing original material, doesn't it make you wistful for the good ol' days when he was just doing one video game adaptation after another? If there was ever a director to make a movie called “Minesweeper”, it would have been him.

Alright it’s confession time here people. I have something that’s been eating away at me for months now and I need to get it off my chest. I, Joe… blogger of this horror site… have seen the film “Twilight”. There I said it. Wait there’s more, I actually didn’t hate the movie. I’m not saying I enjoyed it but I didn’t think it was awful either. Alright the baseball scene was ridiculous but other than that I found it to be at least tolerable. Feels good to finally get that out.

The "Tru Blood" synthetic blood beverage ads I saw around New York City in 2008 were a pleasingly prankish campaign for the then-new show. I like media that puts a little faith in people to figure it out and look things up. In true fiction-conquers-reality fashion, however, the beverage from the show will soon be in your local store. It won't be synthetic blood, which is sad for wanna-be vampires but good for those of us with taste buds and a gag reflex. From the site:

...Enliven yourself with this uniquely carbonated, slightly tart, lightly sweet blood orange drink.

HBO showed up to the recent San Diego Comic Con with guns blazing over their hit series "True Blood". With one season in the can and six episodes into season two, they are going on a full out media blitz for the remainder of season two.

Showtime's hit vampire series "True Blood" kicks off Season Two this Sunday, June 14th and with it comes promises of more supernatural killers including shape shifters, werewolves and more! Oh my! To help kick off the premiere of the second season, they have released a series of viral vids giving a taste of what's to come.

First up, a cautionary tale about shapeshifters and seeing eye dogs: