Horror Headlines 5/19/08

So, this coming Friday, as many of you know, marks the release of the new "Indiana Jones" film. What you may not realize is that it also marks the release of Uwe Boll's next film "Postal". Originally intended to open up on 1,500 screens, apparently major theater chains across the country are getting cold feet over Boll's latest, and are boycotting the release, likely due to the highly offensive nature of some of the material in the film. The highly charged political satire/retard manifesto is now only playing on FOUR SCREENS. Yup, you read that right. Wow... I was going to review this but now I may have to have Jon and his fancy New York theaters review it. Lucky him!

Val Kilmer to star in "The Thaw", an ecological horror film based on what happens when a thawed Woolly Mammoth releases a prehistoric germ that threatens to destroy the human race. Alongside the older, pudgier Kilmer is the younger/skinnier Martha McIsaac, who you may recall was last seen trying to give Michael Cera a "Blow-J" in "Superbad". Are these two supposed to be love interests? Now that's terrifying.

Here is a list of the theaters that Dario Argento's "Mother of Tears" will be playing in starting on June 6th, 2008. It's pretty short, so check it out to see if you'll be able to see the film in a few weeks.

News coming out of the Cannes Film Festival today, as The Weinstein Company just picked up North American distribution rights to "Eden Lake", about a couple on vacation who are terrorized by a group of feral kids. For more info you can check the IMDB for "Eden Lake" here.

Haylie Duff stars in slasher film titled "Deep Cove". The story is about a group of teens who go to a secluded cabin on Spring Break and blah, blah, blah... Wait, she was in "Napoleon Dynamite"? I must have missed that one.

In Real People News: 

An American sniper has been sent home from Iraq after using a copy of the Koran for target practice. What, that seems like a totally non-offensive thing to me... right?

And finally, my childhood fear of those carnival swing rides for kids is totally validated. Read on for a detailed description of what happens when one collapses.

The beauty of being a chemist and wanting to get rid of your husband, is that you can easily kill him by knocking him out and stuffing him in a vat of acid. And apparently there's no need to kill him first... the acid takes care of that you see.

If you're going to have a spitting contest off a hotel balcony, it might not be a good idea to get a running start first, lest you get owned by the concrete below. And this guy isn't even from Florida.

On this day in history: 

1987: Chet Fleming files for a patent on his method for keeping a severed head alive. The mechanism includes blood filtering, pumping equipment, and nutrient supply. Ultimately, US Patent 4,666,425 is granted.

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