the walking dead

Congratulations makers of "Black Swan". You found a way to make a minute long video of Natalie Portman dancing around the most unattractive thing I've ever seen. Here's what I assume the direction for this was like. "YES! That was good, now do it one more time with more German in your eyes. Ya! Das ist gut mein fraulein!"

Just when you think there's no good left in the world you find out that "The Walking Dead" scored 5.6 million viewers this past Sunday. This is actually more than the pilot episode and all signs point to this Sunday's season finale doing even better. If "Glee" ends up getting canceled my entire outlook on life is going to change.

For those of you who didn't get a chance to see "Hatchet II" before America flexed its biceps and yanked it from theaters, you're in luck. The slasher flick will get an On Demand release on December 1st and more importantly be available on countless torrent sites by the end of the week. I can't be the only one who wants to see the makers of this movie end up homeless. Somebody else chime in here!

Kevin Smith plans on screening his new creepy flick "Red State" at Sundance in 2011 and apparently wants to immediately auction off distribution rights after the screening. People of Hollywood I am speaking to you directly now. I've never asked you for anything but for this I will beg. Please, when that no talent overrated pile of turds starts the bidding please please please don't bid. I want to see what it looks like when a human actually cries cake frosting and this may be my only chance.

Big news kids! "The Walking Dead" has been picked up for a second season and I've also completed this big ass puzzle I've been working on for months. The first part of that is probably the news you want to pay attention to. But seriously, that puzzle was a giant f'er, lots of blue and stuff.

A release date for the long awaited remake of Troma's "Mothers Day" has finally been announced. In a bold move the film will be released on April 11th, a full month before the real Mother's Day. Well played big wigs, well played.

The trailer for Uwe Boll's latest film "Bloodrayne: The Third Reich" has finally hit the tubes. It's a vampire hunter flick based on a video game that's set in Nazi Germany. The fact that Boll is German doesn't make that weird at all.

By a show of hands, who wants to see Danny Trejo fight a monster created by a drug lord. Just as I thought! Everyone in America wants to see that, everyone! You're welcome, here's "Project X23". Now, who wants to see the government give me a giant swimming pool filled with beer?

Tim Burton and super hunk Johnny Depp will finally begin filming the big screen version of "Dark Shadows" this April. For those of you not familiar with the original TV show it's kind of like "Soup" but not funny, with vampires and a lot of English accents. Of course I learned all this from a TV commercial selling the entire series on DVD so I could be off.

I've yet to figure out what a producer actually does but John Carpenter is apparently set to be the executive producer on Dennison Ramalho's new film "The Hell Within". Apparently the entire movie will be shot in Brazil so I'm starting to think old John John is just looking for a vacation.

What's next up on the remake list? "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things", the 1973 zombie flick which I'm 99% sure was shot on someone's home camera. Did they have home cameras back then? I have no clue, maybe that's a really good thing for back then. What a strange and wondrous world it must of been back in the 70's.

Oh boy, who's as excited as me for the second episode of "The Walking Dead"? No one, that's the answer, no one could possibly be as excited as I am. Anyway here's a sneak peek at the second episode, don't even try to pretend that you wet yourself like I did. That's Joe's thing!

Be still my beating heart! Leonardo DiCaprio is confirmed to star in "The Devil in the White City", a new film based on H.H. Holmes, America's first serial killer. This will mark the first time I've ever had a man crush on a murderer. Mark this down.

Good news and bad news for fans of "The Walking Dead". The good news is the AMC series had a big ass premier with 5.3 million viewers. The bad news, that means instead of going out, getting drunk and going home with some random person you probably sat at home and watched TV. I've never been so proud and disappointed of you in my whole life.

I love every thing that comes out of Norway. Vikings, those weird ass black metal kids and that band that sang "Barbie Girl". Well add the new film "Inside a Whore", which has a new trailer online, to the list. I don't even know what it's about, I got so excited about the title I blacked out for a solid twenty minutes.

Still got "Let Me In" fever? Take a number kids! So here's a deleted clip from the film to keep your chops moist. Just to be clear though, if you're taking a number I think only 17 people went to see the movie so the line might not be too long. 17 people counting the five of us on the podcast. And no, we won't be in the line.

Dennis Iliadis, the guy who fixed "The Last house on the Left", is in talks to direct "The Demonologists". The film will focus on a group of ghost hunters who find themselves in deep caca when they stumble upon a demon infestation. I hope they have ghost hunter uniforms, those are adorable.

The wait is almost over kids, "The Walking Dead" hits AMC on Sunday and to get you all pumped up here's 5 minutes from the first episode. Are you mildly turned on? I am. Wow I've never noticed what amazing eyes you have. What are you doing later?

"Burke And Hare" is a comedy based on a true story about two men who fall into the dangerous world of providing cadavers for medical research. Which kind of sounds like "I Sell the Dead" but according to the new one sheet this one has Simon Pegg and looks like it might not suck. So there's some differences right there.

Ridley Scott was on the crapper recently and decided that he wants Noomi Rapace from "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" to star in the "Alien" prequel. So of course it's my job to tell you about it. Take a good hard look at me kids, I'm you in ten years! Good luck sleeping tonight.