the walking dead

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 24th, 2012

Wes Bentley, the weird guy from "American Beauty" and Francesca Eastwood, the weird girl from Clint Eastwood's loins have both been added to the cast of "Final Girl" a new revenge flick about a girl who flips the script on a group of high school guys who hunt and kill girls. Is this what kids do these days? Doesn't anyone just smoke pot in the woods anymore?

Danny Trejo in a movie called "Zombie Hunter"... oh god it's finally happening. You shouldn't need to know the plot to be excited but in case you do I'll just tell you that Trejo plays a priest named Jesus who finds himself in the middle of a zombie apocolypse thanks to a new drink that's hit the streets. And I know what your wondering and I can tell you that yes there is a clown with a chainsaw.

So there's a "The Walking Dead" magazine now? Sounds interesting but between my subscription to Tiger Beat and 17 my monthly magazine reading plate is completely full. The rest of you in the US can pick up a copy at your local news stands now, the UK on November 8 and Australia and New Zealand on December 18. Apparently no other countries matter.

With a feature film in the works based on the West Memphis 3 it stands to reason that there should be a TV series based on Joe Berlinger, the director of "Paradise Lost", a documentary based on the arrest and trial of 3 teenagers convicted of murder. The show has been picked up by Fox and is being lead by Margaret Nagle, the writer/producer of HBO's "Boardwalk Empire". As long as Henry Rollins isn't added to the cast I'm game.

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This guy just got busted for identity theft. I want you to look at the photo and try to guess how they knew he was BS'ing them.

Yes I was arrested for shoplifting in the Mall of America but the real bad news is I was also busted for smoking heroin with my 12 year old daughter. I know it's a real crap day.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 16th, 2012

If you liked "Sinister", and it seems like a lot of you did, then you're going to be excited to find out that the film's director Scott Derrickson has been tapped to bring Stephan King's "The Breathing Method" to life. The story follows a woman who becomes obsessed with a child birthing method that a doctor teaches her while she's pregnant with her illegitimate child. It's a Rom-Com? I didn't know King wrote those.

Did you watch "The Walking Dead" season premiere on Sunday night? Of course you did. Everyone in the world did apparently because it set a new record for a basic cable premier, with over 10.9 million people tuning in. That doesn't even take into account the folks who hunkered down to watch the flick on DVR later that night. Or the people who DVRed with hopes of watching it that evening but instead spent an hour in their daughter's room begging her to just go to sleep only to have her laugh in their face. Those people should count.

IFC has picked up the distribution rights to every country in the world for "Would You Rather", a new film about a group of people who are invited to a wealthy man's house and forced to play a game where the winner will become rich. Jeffrey Combs and Sasha Grey star in the flick, with a gaggle of others, which should be fun because I can't imagine there's anything Grey wouldn't do on film for money. Ya know, because she does porn and stuff. She gets paid to have sex on camera is what I mean.

James Wan recently dropped some knowledge on the state of the "Insidious" sequel. Apparently no story has been finalized but Wan is making a conscious effort to stay connect to the project and not let it stray from his original vision. So that's good news? We're excited? I'm Ron Burgundy?

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Hey honey, does this tuna fish sandwich taste a little bit like human? Why yes it does! Because a Bumble Bee tuna factory worker got cooked in the plant's ovens by accident recently.

There's a lot of places you can discard your tampon but on your mother's counter top should not be one of them. You should also not try to attack your mother with a butcher knife when she confronts you about it. Her house her rules you know.

Snapshots: "The Walking Dead" Season 3 is almost here!

"The Walking Dead" season 3 is about to begin! Check out 50 hi-res images from the new season, and don't forget to check out AMC'S zombie epic starting October 14th.

Horror Headlines: Monday, July 16th, 2012

I'm sorry I've been MIA for a couple days. I just had a lot going on. A wedding, my child's first birthday party and a house full of out of town guests. Look I said I'm sorry! You know I don't get paid for this right? I do this out of the kindness of my heart. You should get down on your knees and kiss my feet every day you get to enjoy my news. Look I'm sorry, that last part might have been a little bit too far. God I said I'm sorry! What do you want from me?! You're such a prick sometimes!

We're a few months away from Halloween but the good folks overt at Universal Studios have dropped word that both "The Walking Dead" and "Silent Hill" will be featured in this year's Halloween Horror Nights. No word yet on what the attractions will be just yet but if I was to guess I'd think for "The Walking Dead" you'll just chase a little kid around a farm for 2 hours and eventually get killed because his stupid ass won't stay in the house.

Despite earlier word that there was no chance in hell the film was going to happen it looks like Guillermo del Toro is very much looking forward to making "Hellboy 3". In a recent interview the ever busy director let loose that him and Ron Perlman are together and trying to make the flick happen. He also went on to say that he's still very much interested in making "At The Mountains Of Madness". He also confirmed that there is in fact an Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and he owns a Unicorn.

The good folks over at Showtime are teaming up with the gang that brought you "Hung" for a new supernatural thriller series titled "Sleep No More". No word on filming or air dates but the series will focus on a small town where the dead continue to return from the grave. I can't stop giggling over "Hung".

"Community" star Gillian Jacobs has signed on to costar with Ken Marino in a new horror/comedy titled "Milo". The project follows Duncan, played by Marino, a guy who thinks he has a demon living inside his stomach that's causing all his ailments. I thought the same thing the last time I ate at Denny's. Moons Over My Hammy. Am I right?

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I know I've only been a parent for a year now but I'd like to think I'll never get to the point where I lock my little bundle of joy in a chicken coop and force her to wear a shock collar. I mean I can't say for 100% sure it won't happen. I just like to think I'll never get there.

A 27 year old California woman is under arrest after she attacked her boyfriend for bringing her the wrong beer. I'm not saying I support domestic violence but sometimes I think the law should go light on people. Just saying.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, May 17th, 2011

If there's one thing I think of when people mention the crowd at Comic-Con it's "these guys love to exercise". So everyone will be in for a treat this July when the The Walking Dead Escape: San Diego is unveiled to celebrate the comics 100th issue. Visitors will be able to play the role of a zombie, a survivor or a spectator in an evacuation zone. I can already hear the wheezing and smell the BO.

Hold the phones folks, Eli Roth is going to direct a movie. It's called "The Green Inferno" and I have no idea what it's about but it's going to be filming in Chili and Roth co-wrote the screenplay with Guillermo Amoedo. Did you hold your phone? You really don't get the full effect unless you're holding your phone right now.

Dimension Films has picked up the rights to "Compulsion", a new film starting Heather Graham and Carrie-Anne Moss. Remember the joke I made about Carrie-Anne Moss earlier in the week? Man that was funny huh? Anyway no release date has been announced for the remake of a Japanese film about two neighbors who find themselves on the opposite sides of the luck pole. I don't know if there's such a thing as a luck pole but I wish I had thought of that when I was single. Think about it.

John Cusack and Elijah Wood in the same movie? Oh my lukewarm excitement. The film is called "The Grand Pioano" and Cusack is just in talks right now but the film is about a pianist who finds a note saying he'll die if he plays one note wrong. Wood will play the pianist and Cusack the lovable geek who ends up getting the girl. That might be a lie.

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A Wisconsin man has taken to picketing at an all you can eat buffet after he was cut off from the food line when he devoured 12 plates full during their fish fry night. Normally I think protesting is stupid and useless but in this case I fully support this man. You've got to stand for something.

A 67 year old man may have possibly died in the greatest way possible, at a strip club. More importantly he died at a strip club after getting a night full of lap dances and before he paid his tab. Dare to dream.

Horror Headlines: Friday, April 27th, 2011

I could have sworn this happened about a week after "Rise Of the Planet Of the Apes" was released but the folks over at Fox have officially announced a sequel. They also went on to announce that this Summer's Olympics will be held in London and that I will be spending the 4th of July passed out drunk next to a kiddie pool while my daughter cries.

Walking dead writer Scott Gimple has been thrust into the script writing roll for a new Sci-Fi flick titled "Prosthesis" by the folks over at Universal. There's not much in the way of details yet on this one so let me take this time to comment on how pissed I am that Universal Orlando closed the "Jaws" attraction. Sure it was kind of outdated but still... freakin Jaws.

2011's little horror movie that could "Grave Encounters" has gotten quite the following in the hor-nerd cirlces so everyone get out your tallywacker because "Grave Encounters 2" is on its way. The plot of this one will focus on a group of students who break into the hospital from the first film only to find that the footage they saw was all too real. It's a movie inside a movie. Like a turducken but with less meat.

Chloe Sevigny, the fun gal from "Big Love" and all those creepy movies that came from the guy who did "Kids" has been confirmed for the cast of "American Horror Story" season 2. She'll be playing Shelly the Nymphomaniac. I'll be playing the guy who's desperately trying not to remember that scene from "The Brown Bunny" where she goes down on Vincent Gallo. It's so graphic.

In Real People News: 

This guy in Tennessee has got it all figured out and we could learn a thing or twofrom him. The lesson he's taught us is if you're stumbling around the interstate and a cop pulls up you 100% have to ask the officer if he's Jesus before stealing his car. You don't want to steal a cop car and then find out later it was actually Jesus. That's bad karma.

Apparently 28 years into your life you can go back and sue the hospital you were born at for circumcising you. Good to know.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, April 12th, 2011

I bought my first grill yesterday and now officially declared myself a man at the ripe age of 34. This weekend I look forward to burning my first house down.

No one likes the French. Nobody. So news that French actress Lizzie Brochere has joined the cast of season 2 of "American Horror Story" is bitter sweet. Bitter, because she's French and sweet because... I can't really think of anything actually. Croissants are pretty good. Let's go with that.

Woman hate Angelina Jolie because she seems like a jerk and she broke up Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and while some won't admit it every man on earth loves her for the same reason. I'm done lying! So the world will love/hate the news that she's in talks to play a small role in the upcoming Ridley Scott film "The Counselor". The film is about a big time lawyer who tries his hand at the drug game with not so sexy results. Have you seen her tattoos? She's probably a lot more fun than Aniston. You can't argue science.

Robert Kirkman, the guy who created the magical comic book "The Walking Dead" has landed himself another AMC show titled "Thief of Thieves". Based on the comic of the same name the story focuses on a master thief who trying to reconnect with his estranged wife and son while trying to keep his life legit. That's the first season. In the second season not much happens and everyone on the internet bitches about it. Just a guess.

Uwe Boll has set his eyes on freedom with his next project. The film is called "Bailout" and will set its sights on how the economic crisis has affected the average American family. I think this sounds great. mostly because that guy could kick my ass in a boxing match.

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Ah it's the age of social media. Why even your local killer is taking to the Faceblogs to update his status after he shoots his own mother to death. I assume his next check-in was from jail.

I got 89 bags of weed tied to my dick and a bitch aint one. Wait no, that makes no sense.

Horror Headlines: Monday, February 27th, 2011

Ever since season 2 of "The Walking Dead" picked back up I've been giddy with excitement over all the happenings with our band of zombie killers. And with news today that British actor David Morrissey will be joining the cast in season 3 as "The Governor", the leader of a group of survivors that the run into Rick and the gang, well I'm just skipping around. Alright honestly I don't even know who this guy but this is the best you're going to get today. Don't forget to tip your waiter.

Christian Bale has been confirmed to be taking the lead role in a new revenge flick from "Crazy Heart" director Scott Cooper titled "Out of the Furnace". The film is set in 1986 Indiana and Bale will play a former prisoner who finds out his brother has been murdered while he was locked up. I smell prison shower scene! Not literally, I don't know what that would actually smell like. Awful I bet.

I've lost track of what's actually going on with the "Robocop" remake but it looks like "The Killing" star Joel Kinnaman has received an offer from MGM to take on the lead role of Alex Murphy, the cop turned robot.. or Robocop as you might call him. Seriously, didn't Colin Farrell already take the role? What the hell is going on here. Where am I!?

I didn't want to talk about this because I feel like there's a new casting update every day for some new horror show but here goes. Dave Annable has joined the cast of "666 Park Avenue." Please update your score cards.

In Real People News: 

A SWAT team in Florida spent over 8 hours this past Sunday in a heated stand off with a 75 year old man they thought had barricaded himself in his house. Of course heated in this case means the guy was actually just fast asleep from a mixture of alcohol and sleeping pills but it's Florida, they use different terms down there.

This guy in Florida isn't just your average run of the mill public masturbater. No he makes weird animal noises in the bushes to attract people while he's doing it. Of course if you walk over to a bush because there's weird animal noises coming from it you should probably get bit by an animal so seeing a guy go to town on himself might not be that bad.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

Billy Crystal really is the worst person in the world. I don't need to explain it to you and 'Eff you for questioning me.

Get excited folks because the first three minutes of the next episode of "The Walking Dead" which comes to the boob tube on February 12th have hit the nets. I'm not going to watch it because I hate seeing the first few minutes of anything and not getting to watch the rest so please don't ruin it for me. Does someone get killed? Oh god don't tell me. Ok tell me. No don't!

Zach Galligan is pretty dreamy huh? Sometimes I just put on "Gremlins" and spend my afternoon day dreaming about what it would be like to have an apartment with him. I think I've said too much. Moving on. The movie "Nightbeats", in which he stars as a father trying to reconnect with his on a camping trip that gets ruined by Sasquatch, has finally been picked up for distribution by Wonderphil Productions. No word yet on when it'll see the light of day but I'm going to start looking for apartments anyway.

What would Bryan Bertino do if he was here right now? I'm sure he'd direct a film or two, cause that's what Bryan Bertino would do. When Bryan Bertino directed "The Strangers" we all though it was pretty cool. Now he's directing a found footage flick called "Mockingbird" about a couple who receive strict instructions on a video recording they must make or someone will die. Alright I lost it there, but we really had something for a couple lines didn't we?

Vampire love, it's what's for dinner. And it looks like Tom Hiddleston is stepping up for a big helping of it because he's joined the cast of Jim Jarmusch's "Only Lovers Left Alive". The cast already includes Michael Fassbender, Tilda Swinton and John Hurt and focuses on two vampires who have been in love for centuries. This sounds like the worst movie ever made.

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I think this might be ironic but I'm not positive. Police in California are on the lookout for a man they've caught on security cameras stealing... wait for it... security cameras. I just blew your mind didn't I.

Looks like Carnival cruises is the new Door's concert because a 26 year old recently jumped over a second floor railing inside the ship's lobby to his death. Watch the movie, trust me it's funny.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, January 26th, 2012

We're just a little over a week away from "The Woman In Black" hitting theaters and I for one am a little damp between the legs about the entire thing. And this new clip from the film has got my river flowing at full throttle this morning. All kinds of creepy toys and lights going out. Oh man it's damp. This is without a doubt the most disgusting thing I've ever written.

The continuation of the second season of AMC's "The Walking Dead" is not too far off my friends and today we've got news that Aaron Munoz and Michael Raymond James will be joining our band of marry travelers. Right now both are being put on the books as "guest stars" so there's a good chance they're not going to be around long so enjoy them while you can. Perhaps with a nice bottle of Bordeaux.

Because of a sugar imbalance I fainted while watching "The Devil inside" so I'm not that impressed by this news but it looks like one movie goer hit the floor while watching a screening of "V/H/S", a new anthology flick from Ti West, Adam Wingard, David Bruckner and Glenn McQuaid. The happening took place during a midnight screening at the Sundance Film Fest so there's also a good chance whoever it was was some kind of sissy boy. He was all "oh I can't wait to get home and watch 'How I Met Your Mother' on DVR! hey is that blood? Uh oh I'm going down!".

Russell Brand has been confirmed for the cast of the upcoming haunted house comedy flick "The Hauntrepreneur". That guy sucks and so will this movie. That's the news.

In Real People News: 

Here's a Florida man who confessed to not only cutting up a guy with a hatchet but also eating his brain and eyes. I don't know, I guess when you get hungry you get hungry.

Everyone's got different baby sitting styles but I'm pretty sure this woman in Washington who poured salt and detergent down a 4 week old child's throat because the baby was "evil" has the worst style I've ever heard of. Truth be told I haven't read a ton of parenting books though.

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