It looks like everyone's favorite sailor boy Sam Raimi has been confirmed to produce the upcoming "Poltergeist" remake. This puts an end to the rumors that he would be taking the director's chair for the film. But if not him then who!? And why do we call him "sailor boy"? It's almost like I'm making all of this up or something.
Fans of "The Ring" will be excited, shocked, disgusted and/or neutral on the news that there may be another film in the works. According to Paramount Film Group president Adam Goodman there's an idea being tossed around that would see the next installment in the film series going the found footage route. Ya know, cause why not?
I don't want to say this is the worst news day ever but I'm about to give you an update on casting for "Wrong Turn 5". Ready? Simon Ginty, Oliver Hoare, Amy Lennox, Paul Luebke, Duncan Wisbey, Kyle Redmond-Jones and Peter Brooke are all in. I honestly have no idea who any of these people are.
Blah blah blah Asylum is making a "Battleship" rip off called "American Battleship" and Universal is pissed about it and going to sue. They're just mad because they didn't think of putting Carl Weathers in his Apollo Creed shorts on the poster. Ya know, cause it's a lot cheaper to get Carl Weathers than Rihanna. I just assume.
In Real People News:
An Indiana man is under arrest after he forced another man to moonwalk at gun point. Wasn't this in a movie? I feel like it was Gene Wilder holding the gun. That can't be right though. Someone help me out here. It wasn't "See No Evil, Hear No Evil" was it?
Welcome to March! In days of old the druids would celebrate the first day of March by taking some time off from Druiding and enjoying some fishing. They would spend most of February building canoes and the person with the best canoe would be given the title of Supreme Kleeton. He would be showered with gifts and given the best fishing pole in all of the Druid town. The person with the worst canoe would be flogged to death. It really sucked.
Steve Watson's book "Before I Go to Sleep", a tale of a woman who's suffering from a injury that has left her without the power to save new memories for two decades, has been in the big screen adaptation bucket for a while now without much action. But today my friends, oh today we have news that Nicole Kidman is in talks to take on the lead role in the film. So I guess that's still not much momentum there. In talks could be she went out to dinner, got drunk and said something like "Hey! I want to play the lead in a movie that sounds a lot like 'Memento' but isn't 'Memento'".
The short film "Archetype", which tells the story of a robot that begins to think on it's own, has been picked up by "Chronicle" producer John Davis with plans to turn it into a feature film. No word on when the movie will start filming but I'm hoping they turn it into "Short Circuit 3". I've been waiting almost 25 years for that movie to happen.
I've never seen "The Day of the Triffids" and to be honest I thought it was a Star Trek episode until now but it looks like Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures has picked up the rights to remake the 1962 film. The movie focuses on a couple left with the power of sight after a meteorite shower hits the earth, leaving the population blind and giant plants growing everywhere. "The Trouble With Tribbles"! That's the Star Trek episode I'm thinking of.
Bill Paxton has joined Laurence Fishburne in the cast of "The Colony". The film follows a group of survivors trying to fend off a gang of cannibals after the second ice age hits. How do they cook the meat if it's the ice age? God I hope they answer that question in the movie. That's all I want to know. I'll walk out of the theater once they tell me.
In Real People News:
If you're going to leave your just-used butt plug someplace you might want to make sure that place isn't the back seat of the cop car you were just thrown into. I don't know proper butt plug etiquette though. I could be wrong on this.
I'm pretty sure now that I've read "The Hunger Games" I'll be getting my "special visitor" any day now but god damn if I'm not excited about the big screen adaptation of the book. I mean look at this new fake nail polish ad with Elizabeth Banks all prettied up. Just look at it. I've never been more ashamed of myself.
Andrzej Bartkowiak directed the movie "Doom", which was based on a video game and was awesome. If you think it was terrible then I think you're terrible. Sorry I have to be so harsh around the holidays. The reason I'm letting you know all this is Bartkowiak has now been tapped to direct a new film titled "Beneath the Deep", a new film about a group of travelers trapped in the Caribbean with some locals who see them as intruders. Sounds like my in-laws! But seriously folks, what's the deal with airplane food?
Sam Raimi is directing "Oz: The Great and Powerful" so it was pretty much a no brainer that Bruce Campbell would pop up in the film somewhere. But then Bruce took to the tweets and said he wasn't going to be able to be in the film. But now, now it looks like he is because in a recent interview he said he shot a small but pivotal scene in the film. More on this developing story as it unfolds.
"The Darkest Hour" comes out on Christmas and I've explained the plot so many times in the news that if you don't know it by now then you don't read this every day and there's a good chance you're not reading it now so I'm not sure why I'm even typing this. Here's a new clip from the film where a reporter gets all blown up and crap. Thank you for your business.
Here's a heartwarming story from Florida about a mother who is in hot water after she was arrested for pimping her 8 year old daughter. Think about that on Christmas when you don't get your Dry-Hump-Me Elmo or whatever is popular now and you say you have the worst mom ever.
I'm two books into "The Hunger Games" trilogy and I'm not going to lie, I actually like them a lot. The entire time though I've had a weird feeling that I'm getting into some sort of strange "Twilight" cult by reading them. Now I've seen the trailer for the first film and it's confirmed. I'm the next big teenage heartthrob book series. Soon I'm going to have to pick which guy I like better and get his name tattooed on my ass.
I think Eric, BGH's CFO, might be the only person in the world who is excited about "Underworld: Awakening". The film is the fourth installment in the long running vampires vs. werewolfs series and hits theater in full frontal 3D this coming January. To celebrate all it's glory here's a new poster for you to view. It's got Kate Beckinsale all gunned up. Well it's got a painting or something of her. She's like 37 or something now and that's disgusting in real life.
Isn't it cool how Sam Raimi puts Bruce Campbell in all his movies? Ya know as a "hey remember when we made low budget horror flicks together? I appreciate you man". Well it looks like Bruce's cameo in Sam's new film "Oz: The Great and Powerful" has already been cut before the cameras even started to roll. I bet it's because some woman told Sam to do it. Freakin Yoko Ono's.
John Ritter is not going to let being dead for 8 years stop his acting career. His new film "Terror Tract", about a real estate agent who terrorizes a couple, is now streaming on Netflix for your viewing pleasure. Alright the movie has actually been sitting around since before Ritter's death in 2003 but it's a lot more fun to pretend he's acting from beyond the grave. Spooky Ritter!
Selma Blair has been in a lot of movies over the years, but to me she'll always be that girl who made out with Buffy in that crappy teen movie where everyone dry humped. You know the one I'm talking about. Well now she's set to star in "Columbus Circle", a new flick where she'll play a girl who hasn't left her apartment in nearly 20 years who has to confront her fears when her neighbor is murdered. I look forward to not remembering her in this also. Unless she makes out with a girl from a crappy 90's TV show. The cast of "Charmed" I'm looking at you.
When a movie gets pushed back a couple weeks you take notice, but don't really get worried. When the Sam Raimi produced film "The Possession" gets pushed from a January release to August 31 then you start to think something might be up. The movie, which follows a couple kids who accidentally unleash a an evil spirit hell bent on their destruction, has already been pushed once before so nothing good can come of this. Although maybe Raimi just likes the summer months. They're so much happier.
Legendary Pictures has acquired the rights to a new flicked currently titled "Spectral" which is being described as a grittier version of "Ghostbusters". The film comes from Ian Fried, a name I find on IMDB but I'm assuming it's not the same guy who was the voice of Timothy in "The Secret of NIMH". Although if it is I'm already a giant fan.
Think you're sick of exorcism films? Well think again my friends because none other than Nicolas Cage is being courted for a new film "The Quiet Ones". The film is based on the real life happenings of a team of Cambridge academics in the 1970's who record their investigation as they attempt to exorcise a poltergeist from a young girl. Didn't I blow your mind this time? Didn't I?
In Real People News:
Watching "Dexter" pretty much gives you all the tools you'd need to carry out a good old fashioned murder. But who has time to go to the store and get one of those rubber suits? So you improvise! Like this woman in LA who covered herself in bubble wrap before she attempted to kill her ex-lover. It's like something you'd learn on one of those craft shows on PBS Sunday mornings.
Dealing with drive up tellers at the bank can be a real bummer. Especially when they're all pissy and act like pricks. So why not do like this man in Florida and take a leak in the pneumatic tube. I know what you're thinking. How the hell do I know what they call that tube you shoot your money over to the bank in? I'm not just a pile of good looks folks.
Hot pockets kids! Looks like there's a film in the works based on the Matterhorn rollercoaster ride at Disneyland. Currently titled "The Hill" the film will focus on a group travelers who head to the top of a mountain and encounter a bunch of Yeti's on the way down. Then their lap bars hit them in the nuts and they walk around funny for the rest of the day. I added that part but it would make it really authentic to the ride experience so I'm pretty sure they'll include it.
Because the teat isn't completely dry the good people at Lionsgate will be putting out a special 25th anniversary edition of Sam Raimi's "Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn". In all fairness it'll be on Blu-Ray and it'll have a boat load of new interviews and commentaries but honestly at this point what more can you say. "Oh hey I never noticed that chair in the corner of the room before. Let's talk about that".
Steven Spielberg and Stephen King are teaming up with Showtime to create a new series based on King's 2009 novel "Under the Dome". The story focuses on a group of vacationers in Maine who begin battling after a strange force field appears over their town. Wasn't that the basis of "The Simpsons Movie"? I hope this one is funny too and makes a lot of doughnut references.
Looks like Amy Adams is being eyed by Warner Bros. to take the lead in the upcoming remake of "The Orphanage". Nothing's been confirmed yet but Adams would play the role of a woman who takes over the orphanage where she was raised only to find that the imaginary friends her son is playing with are out to get her. I don't know who played that part in the original and honestly I don't care. There's no way she was as adorable as Amy Adams. Once again the USA makes things better.
In Real People News:
You never know when love will strike. Sometimes it'll be at a book store, sometimes it'll be at Burger King and other times it'll be in a pool while looking at a sexy inflatable raft. What makes it better is that the Ohio man who is up on charges for having relations with the flotation device was arrested last year for getting it on with an inflatable pumpkin. I wonder if the pumpkin is jealous.
I'm willing to give my friend Rob Zombie as many chances as his crispy disgusting hair wants to toss out. That's just the kind of guy I am. So when he takes to the twitter and says his new film "The Lords of Salem" is looking "demented, perverted satanic", I'm intrigued. For those of you not familiar with the film it's a heartwarming tale about a group of witches who come back from the great beyond to bring death and destruction on modern day Salem. Sounds like they also get some action also. Good for them.
It's about time there was a Roller Derby slasher film isn't it? That is of course if there already hasn't been one and I just haven't seen it. Let's pretend "MurderDrome" is the first of its kind though. The film is about an up and coming roller star who gets caught in a love triangle that eventually evolves into a demon filled blood bath. Demon roller people? That's got to be a new idea. Was there a demon in that Drew Barrymore flick that came out a couple years ago? I never saw it.
For those of you who haven't had a chance to get John Carpenter's "The Ward" you'll be able to get your disgusting little syrup stained hands on the DVD and Blu-Ray on August 16th. And today we've got some cover art, which is the same as the movie poster, and specs, commentary with John Carpenter and star Jared Harris. So there you have it, the same image you've seen 100 times already and some commentary with an actor who's in the movie about 15 minutes. Operators are standing by.
While it's no big surprise it's still nice to see that Bruce Campbell will in fact be in Sam Raimi's upcoming new film "Oz: The Great and Powerful" which tells the story of how everyone's favorite Wizard came to be. That is of course unless you consider those weirdos from "Lord of the Rings" to be your favorite wizards. And if that is the case I'd ask you to kindly stop reading my news.
In Real People News:
What's worse than throwing a cat out of a seven story window? Raping it beforehand. But I guess when you're high on meth you do those sort of things. Or when you're from Iowa. I don't know the difference really.
Apparently there's a big problem in the Ukraine with restaurants keeping bears and forcing them to drink booze for other people's amusement. This is the first time I've ever wanted to go to the Ukraine.
"I Saw the Devil" director Kim ji-Woon has lined up "The Last Stand" as his official entry into the world of English cinema. The movie will focus on drug lord trying to make his way down to Mexico and the sheriff hellbent on stopping him. Even better news it that Arnold Schwarzenegger himself will take on the role of said sheriff. Estaré de vuelta! According to Google that's "I'll be back" in Spanish.
Ray Liotta, Christian Slater and Ving Rhames in a straight to DVD thriller? Oh how the mighty have fallen. The movie is "The River Murders" and it's about a giant river that comes to life and murders people. Alright that's a lie, it's about a detective, played by Liotta, who is trying to hunt down a murderer who is taking out his ex-girlfriends one by one. I'm not sure I'd really work that hard to stop something like this. Sounds like someone's doing him a favor. Maybe send one of those Edible Arrangements.
Been waiting a long time for the next installment in the "Evil Dead" series? Well it looks like you might not have to wait much longer. Maybe. Word around campus is long time Sam Raimi collaborator and editor Bob Murawski has descended on Detroit to begin production on the film. If it's true it looks like the long delayed project could begin shooting sometime in the near future. If it isn't true I just look like I believe everything I read on the internet. Which I see absolutely no reason to stop doing.
Last week the internet was all abuzz with the rumor that Spike Lee might be hopping into the director's chair for the US remake of the Chan-wook Park's "Oldboy" and now it looks like he's officially been confirmed. So that happened. Feel free to go back to last week's news and read the hilarious jokes I put in the post about the rumor. I think there was something about America being awesome. Which of course is no joke. Rock, flag and eagle!
In Real People News:
Michael Todd, bassist for the awful rock band Coheed and Cambria was arrested this past weekend after he stole Oxycontin from a Walgreen’s pharmacy. Now if only the rest of the band would be picked up on charges of making terrible music I could go to sleep a happy man tonight. So in summery, I hate Coheed and Cambria.
A 57 year old man in Ireland is under arrested after his girlfriend died of an apparently allergic reaction to dog sperm. Let that sentence sink in for a minute. Alright let's move on. The two apparently met in a bestiality chat room and eventually agreed to meet in order to let the lovely lass go to town with the gentleman's dog. Later on she developed a severe reaction to the "aftermath" and eventually died at a local hospital. Interesting part here, and I feel sick saying this, is that he's not under arrest because she died but rather for allowing the dog to have sex with her in the first place. It's a terrible way to get caught for the crime though.
Fans of the first two "Hellboy" films might want to cover up their cereal bowls because I'm about to piss all over your Wheaties. According to Hellboy creator Mike Mignola there's no chance of director Guillermo del Toro ever returning to make a third film. So i guess that does mean a 3rd film could be made without del Toro but who the hell wants to see that. The Canadians maybe but not this guy. Those hockey rioting sickos would probably eat that crap up with ketchup.
For those of you who aren't complete burnouts an can remember all the way back to 2004 you might remember some pretty bold words from Danny Elfman about never working with Sam Raimi again after his experience on "Spiderman 2". Well it looks like the Elf Man has had a change of heart and has signed on to do the score of Sam's new "Wizard of OZ" inspired flick "OZ: The Great and Powerful". So good news for those of you who are still holding out for an Oingo Boingo reunion.
Remember the days when people actually enjoyed Wes Craven's movies? Well I do and you should respect your elders you snotty little smartass. Anyway his 1977 classic film "The Hills Have Eyes" is finally being given the Blu-Ray treatment and will hit shelves on September 6th. So far no word on extras yet but this might be a nice place to record a little apology for "My Soul to Take".
If you're like me then you're still washing your eyes our with soap and water after seeing a Kane Hodder sex scene in "Hatchet 2". But here's a new slasher flick staring the Hodster as a creepy gas station owner who also seems to be obsessed with women titled "Exit 33". The flick has just been given an August 2nd release date and I can't imagine we'll see any hot Hodder action in it but if we do it'll most likely be in a gas station bathroom. Can you imagine what that would smell like?
In Real People News:
How the hell did they not think of this sooner? The fine people at New York's LaGuardia Airport have put in a place a new plan to take geese that are in the way of planes taking off and ship them off to Pennsylvania. What happens to them there? They're slaughtered, cooked and fed to homeless people! I hope the cook is wearing a loin cloth and listening to Viking metal while he throws the geese into the oven. That's the only way this could be more awesome.
Diana Terranova, who you probably remember as Stripper #2 from every movie that's taken place in Vegas in the past five years has landed a role in the upcoming flick "Piranhaconda". If you can't guess from the name the movie is about a half anaconda half piranha that is 125% awesome.
I've seen a handful of trailers and countless images from "Sucker Punch" and I still don't have a clue what the movie is about. By no means does this mean I don't want to see it though, it looks awesome my friends. Here's a gang load of new posters to prove my point. They're full of prison girl comic book goodness, which is hot to nerds and deviants so kudos to the makers.
"Fertile Ground" is the next After Dark Originals film to see a trailer and much to my surprise it has nothing to do with gardening. It does have a lot to do with a couple who move to a house in New Hampshire only to find it is chock full of spooky happenings. Silver lining, New Hampshire is absolutely fabulous in both the summer and fall seasons.
Looks like the "Evil Dead" remake is still very much alive with Sam Raimi and Robert Tapert apparently looking at a script this very month. I have no idea if this is good or bad news at this point so let's talk about Rami's movie "For Love of the Game". Wasn't so bad, right, for a romantic comedy? Kelly Preston is always delightful but man I can't remember the last Kevin Costner movie I've seen.
In Real People News:
Been a while since we've seen a good crop circle. Well here's one that popped up in a rice field in Slemen, Yogyakarta. I have no idea where that is but the farmers think it was aliens so I now know that farmers in Slemen are bat shit crazy.
This one's for North Carolina! C'mon and raise up. Take your shirt off, twist it 'round yo' head. Spin it like a helicopter. That was a good song, right? Anyway here's a story about a guy from NC who got wasted and called 911 looking for a hooker.