piranha 3d

Horror Headlines: Thursday March 25th, 2010

If you're lucky and say your prayers every night this week, Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza's stylish creeper "[Rec] 2" might find its way into a theater near you on July 9th. Surprisingly, Magnolia will be handling distribution this time around. Good for them.

Do you like dinosaurs? Do you like comic books based on Spielberg movies? If so, you're in luck. IDW Publishing and Universal are plotting to unleash a series of comics based on the "Jurassic Park" franchise onto the masses this June. Personally, I'm waiting for the pop-up books. Ah, Piatnitzkysaurus!

While everyone else and their kinky grandmother is attending HorrorHound Weekend, I will be sitting quietly in my living room, staring blankly at the June 7th release date for Noboru Iguchi's Japanese gore epic "RoboGeisha" I've marked on my 2010 Adorable Kittens calendar. Can you tell I'm pretty excited about this one? I thought so.

You know what's fishy about the launch of the official "Piranha 3D" website? No trailer. In fact, there's not a single promotional clip to be found anywhere on the page. If the studio wants me to stay interested until August 27th, they'd better deliver a theatrical trailer in HD post-haste. Pretty please. With Elizabeth Shue.

In Real People News: 

If suffering the frigid temperatures wasn't torture enough, residents of St. Petersburg, Russian are struggling to avoid being impaled by enormous icicles falling from the sky. The descending debris has already claimed the lives of five people.

The next time you get into an argument with your ex-girlfriend, try jumping out of the moving vehicle you're sharing at the time. If she comes back, it's true love. If not, roll onto the shoulder so you don't cause an accident. And stop being so selfish all the time. Sheesh.

On this day in history: 

1988 - "Preppie murderer" Robert E. Chambers Jr. pleads guilty to first-degree manslaughter.

Retro Trailer: "Piranha" (1978)

Rumor has it that the trailer for Alexandre Aja's "Piranha 3D" will be debuting tomorrow in front of prints of James Cameron's scifi epic "Avatar". Since no one has been privy to that preview yet, let's take a look at the trailer for the 1978 original, which at the time was attempting to cash in on the mega success of "Jaws" (1975).

Previewing the film before "Avatar" makes sense on some level, considering both films are wearing their "RealD" effects proudly. However, we prefer the funnier angle, that this is all somehow a jab at James Cameron, who cut his teeth as a feature film director on the set of "Piranha 2: The Spawning" (1982).

Horror Headlines: Tuesday June 16th, 2009

The writer of "Sorority Row" and "Piranha 3D" updates his blog with news/thoughts on both films, both of which he feels are going to turn out really well. "Sorority Row" is apparently completely finished at this point, and according to him lives up to his original script, which as he says was "Scary. Funny. Tense. Stylish. Bloody. Sexy". I did actually get most of that from the trailer, so consider me excited.

Here are the specs for the new "Night of the Creeps" DVD, and damn, I have to say they're going all out with the special features. Once this one's off our list, what's the next big horror title that needs to be released on DVD? My other major one was "Phantasm II", but that one was also announced recently.

Just as I was ranting on the podcast last night about how much I dislike Rob Zombie's "Halloween", up popped the news on Twitter that the full official site for the sequel is now live. It was interesting timing, to say the least.

In Real People News: 

When I hear these stories about Boy Scout Camp, it makes me thankful I dropped out after a year. Thank God I was a slacker as a kid.

Two cases of dead tadpoles raining from the sky have been reported in China recently. The funny thing is, that's probably the most normal thing that happened there today.

Man spontaneously revives a half an hour after being pronounced dead, then dies again two days later. Oooohhh, so close.

On this day in history: 

1959: While entertaining friends at his home, George Reeves, who played the title character in the original Superman TV series, goes upstairs to his bedroom and commits suicide with a 9mm German Luger.

Horror Headlines: Friday June 12th, 2009

Megan Fox tells MTV that Jonah Hex is going to be amazing. She also says that blah blah blah God damn she's hot.

More pics from Rob Zombie's "Halloween 2". I only post them because the director's cut of "Halloween" is our topic for discussion next week on the podcast, so I have to subject myself to it this weekend. I'm currently devising ways to try and stop the pain while it's playing. Suggestions welcome.

First stills from the Woody Harrelson zombie comedy "Zombieland", or as I like to call it, "a probably fun film that will most assuredly be the official zombie jumping the shark moment when historians look back to this time".

Marcus Nispel officially has the job directing the "Conan" remake. This has Schnaars really broken up, he was really hoping Brett Ratner would get the job.

Some bloody "Piranha 3D" pics. I'm marginally excited for this. I would say "really excited", but let's not forget that "Mirrors" wasn't supposed to be the funniest film of last year. It's hard to tell what will happen when Aja actually tries to be funny... he is French after all.

Neil Marshall is reportedly in talks to direct the "Predators" sequel for Robert Rodriguez. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find my head because it just blew straight off my fucking shoulders.

In Real People News: 

Guy's arm gets cut off in bakery machine, employers make him work the rest of the day. When authorities finally found out, it was too late to attach the arm. Looks like someone's got some 'splainin to do.

I'm not an expert in human relations, but I'm guessing if you don't want to get your ass kicked by a cop, saying to them "fuck you pig, I'll shit all over you too. I'm going to throw shit in your mouth!" probably isn't the best way to achieve your goal.

Couple who missed downed Air France flight killed in car crash. You can't say Tony Todd didn't warn them in an unreasonably creepy voice.

On this day in history: 

1994: Nicole Brown Simpson and her male friend Ronald Goldman are savagely murdered in front of Simpson's condominium complex in Brentwood, California. The most plausible suspect turns out to be Nicole's estranged husband O.J., who is arrested for the crime a month later. We all pretty much know what happened after that.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday May 13th, 2009

Were you eagerly awaiting a sequel to Tobe Hooper's "Toolbox Murders" remake? Me neither, but they're trying to placate me by throwing Jeffrey Combs, Tony Todd and Lance Henriksen into the mix. Did it work? You can check out the teaser trailer at the site and tell me.

Jaume Balaguero to direct "Flatmate". Balaguero is one half of the duo behind the original Spanish film "[REC]", but little else is known about the project at this time.

Sweet Jesus, a sequel to "The Messengers"? ME NO WANT. If you want, there's a trailer at the link.

Simon Baker to star in "The Killer Inside Me, as a really handsome murderer who kills other handsome people, like Casey Affleck, Jessica Alba, and Kate Hudson. It's just so realistic!

Christopher Lloyd has joined the cast of "Piranha 3D". I'm officially going to start having wet dreams about this movie. Stay tuned for details.

The adaptation of Steve Niles "Wake the Dead" is delayed because the WETA workshop has to work on "The Hobbit" for Guillermo Del Toro. Jesus, the guy's so freaking busy that now he's delaying other people's projects? Will his reign of pudgy Mexican tyranny ever end? (I kid, I kid)

In Real People News: 

Prostitute bites man's penis off after he tells her he can't pay. I'm no expert at this, but wouldn't you wait until afterwards to tell her you can't pay?

Hawaii, a great place for vacations, honeymoons, and apparently, flesh-eating bacteria. I'm guessing that won't be in the brochure, though.

On this day in history: 

1913: The latest brainchild of Russian aircraft design genius Igor Sikorsky embarks on its maiden flight. The Grand, easily the world's most luxurious passenger plane, includes such innovations as upholstered seats, a balcony, and even a lavatory.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 12th, 2009

Sam Mendes talks to MTV about his adaptation of the graphic novel "Preacher", including when we can expect it and whether or not there will be a sequel.

Buried in this interview with Brett Easton Ellis is news about "Silent Hill 2", weird huh? The news is that, according to Ellis, Roger Avary (writer of the original SH film) will be jumping behind the cameras for the sequel. Originally Avary had said that he wouldn't write the film unless the director of the first Christophe Gans returned, but if this news is true it looks like he may have changed his tune.

For serious, people, how many trailers for "Blood: the Last Vampire" have I posted about now? I know a lot of you are anticipating this title, I'm just wondering if this isn't overkill at this point.

Paul Scheer joins the cast of "Piranha 3D". Scheer (Human Giant, Best Week Ever), brings even more comedic talent to a film that's already looking silly as hell. Is it possible that they'll overshoot the "camp" mark and ruin it? Either way, I know I can' wait to find out!

Tons of behind the scenes photos from "Saw VI", including head shots of all the new cast members and some nice BTS shots. Enjoy.

In Real People News: 

When you're hanging out in the American South, and you see a sign that says "Tresspassers will be shot. Survivors will be reshot!!, it's probably the truth. I wouldn't risk it.

A man in Taiwan had his penis bitten off by a snake while he sat on his toilet. So yes, folks, it CAN actually happen. Sleep tight!

On this day in history: 

1982: During a procession outside the shrine of the Virgin Mary in Fatima, Portugal, security guards overpower Juan Fernandez Krohn before he can attack Pope John Paul II with a bayonet. Krohn, an ultraconservative Spanish priest opposed to the Vatican II reforms, decided that the Pope must be killed for being an "agent of Moscow."

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 7th, 2009

Good morning folks! Want to download the score of "Martyrs" for free? Well, apparently the composer of the film has given it up, temporarily, for free on the internet. Click on the link and start downloading!

Katie Holmes to star in the Guillermo Del Toro produced "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark"? Yup, it became official yesterday. The remake follows a young woman who moves back in with her father and his girlfriend, only to be hounded by a supernatural entity. It's about to start shooting, which should give me a good 6 to 8 months before the release to chastise those who preferred turtle-faced Maggie Gylenhaal in "The Dark Knight". Prepare yourselves.

Endearing Indie title of the week: "It Ate His Face". I also like how they misspell "Michigan" in the synopsis... good times.

Due to some impending financial trouble for Senator Distribution, "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" has been moved yet again to the "to be determined" block of their releases. I officially give up. It's a fun movie that won't do well in theaters... why not just put it out on DVD and make some money? At this rate, everyone and their brother with a modicum of computer skills will have already seen it by the time it gets released. Use your heads, people.

Jerry O'Connell, he of fat-kid in "Stand By Me" fame, joins the cast of Alexandre Aja's "Piranha 3D" remake, thereby solidifying this as the silliest horror film currently in production. I can't wait.

In Real People News: 

According to official fatwas in Saudi Arabia against females working out at gyms, "virginity may be lost through the movement and jumping". Hmmm... maybe the problems in the Middle East are simpler than we imagine... because that shows a basic misunderstanding of human anatomy. Maybe we just need to send them some textbooks? Or at least a "No Fat Chicks" shirt so they understand the importance of female fitness, that should do the trick.

What would YOU do to celebrate your son's release from jail? Get arrested for illegally hunting wild hogs? Well then, you must live in Florida, we should hang out some time.

On this day in history: 

1945: German admiral Carl Doenitz unconditionally surrenders to Allied forces at Reims, France, thus ending the war in Europe.

Horror Headlines: Thursday April 30th, 2009

Live in Arizona, have a hot, sexy body and want to be in "Piranha 3D"? well they're looking for extras for a giant lake-party scene. I already forwarded them nude pictures of Louis Fowler. Expecting to hear back any minute now.

The official plot to "Saw VI" has been released. Here's a recap (*spoilers!*) Agent Straham is dead, and Detective Hoffman is the lone successor to Jigsaw's throne. As the FBI draws closer to Hoffman, he is forced to set a game into motion, and Jigsaw's grand scheme is "finally understood". Some are speculating that the final line means this may be the last film. I can't possibly believe that, considering they're still making 30 mill a pop. The only thing I'm concerned about is I'm not seeing Julie Benz's name in the cast. Maybe she's holding out for more money? Let's hope she'll be there come this Halloween.

The guys behind the French film "Inside" have their next project, and it's called "Livid". The film is about a young girl who becomes a caretaker for an elderly woman, and decides (with a friend) to search the house at night for a purported treasure. Supernatural shenanigans ensue.

The director of the Korean horror film "Phone" is going to film a US remake... because the moviegoing public is so in to Asian horror remakes these days. Good call.

In Real People News: 

Woman claims her father, who has been dead for over a decade, was really the never-caught "Zodiac Killer". Even weirder? She claims to have written some of his cryptic letters when she was 7 hears old, and that she had even accompanied him on some of his murders. No word on if this is just some crazy bitch or the real deal, but I'm sure someone's looking into it as we speak.

Mr T. reports for jury duty! Nothing horribly depressing about this story at all folks, move along.

Man arrested for terroristic tweets! Gotta love tech-savvy alliteration first thing in the morning.

On this day in history: 

1993: During a quarterfinals match in Hamburg, deranged tennis fan Gunter Parche sneaks up on Monica Seles and stabs her in the back with a boning knife. Parche was just paving the way for Steffi Graf, whom he was actively stalking, to take the top ranking from Seles. His plan succeeds.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday April 28th, 2009

Megan Fox in a Corset on the set of "Jonah Hex". Yes please.

David R. Ellis to bring us "Humpty Dumpty". The new film by the "Final Destination 2" and "FD: Deathtrip 3D" director is about: "a half-human, half alien creature who embarks on a murderous rampage after his alien mother is abused by two rednecks in the deep South." Oh, it will also be in 3D, so there's that.

Ving Rhames gets cast in "Piranha 3D", pretty much ensuring at some point a fish will get blasted with a shotgun. Good times.

Ridley Scott considering a return to the "Alien" franchise? I suppose the chances are slim that he'd get a sequel greenlit, but even if it's a remake I suppose the original director is the one you'd want on board.

Evan Rachel Wood joins "True Blood", I start to think perhaps there's a reason I should be watching this show. Hmmmm....

The rest of the episodes of "Harper's Island" will run on Saturdays at 9:00pm on CBS. They've all but given up on the show being a ratings success, but since the episodes were already produced they figured they should let it run out. Saturdays are typically filled with reruns for most networks anyways, so there's no real loss for them shifting to that night. Apparently the show was going to be canceled outright, but it was significant DVR ratings that saved it from the ax.

In Real People News: 

I would imagine you have to really love someone in order to have dumpster sex with them. Now THAT'S passion.

Man cuts off finger and eats it to protest about unpaid wages. Methinks that might make it a little harder to do the job he's protesting about in the first place, no?

On this day in history: 

1945: Italian dictator Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci are captured by partisan fighters and executed.

Horror Headlines: Friday April 24th, 2009

Apparently I'm the only one in the horror community who doesn't think it's worth it to post a bootleg trailer of "Halloween 2". And when I say "bootleg", what I mean is a shitty cam'd version from a theater, shot by someone who is apparently in the last seat in the back/right of the establishment. I know, it's very exciting. If you have patience, the actual "H2" trailer will be showing up on Yahoo! Movies today, stay tuned here for a link when it's live.

Rumor has it that Richard Dreyfuss will make a cameo in "Piranha 3D", and will be "paying homage to jaws, even drinking Amity brand beer". Very subtle, guys.

Debbie Rochon stars in "Stopped Dead", about a group of friends vacationing in an RV who end up in a "race with death" against a homicidal biker gang. Good times.

Robert Rodriguez was announcing future projects yesterday, and mixed in with the voluminous list was a reboot of the "Predator" franchise. Granted, FOX is still involved because they're the rights holders, but I personally would love to see what Rodriguez can do with that story.

"The Crazies gets pushed back to a February, 2010 release. The Romero remake was previously scheduled to be released September 25th of this year.

Steve Niles has his script ready for a "30 Days of Night" sequel. Since the first one wasn't a smash success, Sam Raimi (in his role as head of Ghosthouse pictures, the label that released the film) has convinced Niles that direct to DVD is the way to go, so that's how the film will be released.

In Real People News: 

The "Baby Shaking Game" has been taken out of the iPhone App store. Of course, just when I finally have the high score at something, they go and take it away from me.

Man opens up door of charter plane and jumps from 23,000 feet, without a parachute. Authorities are still "looking for him". I'm no physics professor, but after falling from that high in the air I'm guessing they're going to have trouble finding anything bigger than tooth.

On this day in history: 

1967: Cosmonaut Vladimir Komarov becomes the world's first space mission fatality after his Soyuz parachutes become entangled four miles above the Earth.

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