killer fish

Let's deal with the question on everyone's mind right off the top: Would the sequel to 2010's well-regarded horror comedy "Piranha 3D" be able to match the disembodied male sex organ quotient of the original? Happily -- or perhaps unhappily, depending on your feelings -- the answer is yes, sweet lord yes!

This Wednesday, the newest Harry Potter movie grossed over $50 million dollars. When I hear news like that, it makes me feel like not only are we not in an economic depression, but that we all lead comfortable enough lives to take a day off—a Wednesday, no less—and see a movie. Can't do that in, say, Iran, right?

David Arquette has confirmed that he and his pet shrew Courtney Cox are in Scream 4, no matter what pile of stank that writer Kevin Williamson turns in. I'm still holding out for Ready 2 Rumble 2 to be filmed in his backyard with the stars of the Juggalo Championship Wrestling Federation , which I just learned existed. Rowdy Roddy Piper is a member. I have no faith left in humanity. Or at least the wrestling part of humanity.

I'm a huge fan of the Nicolas Cage remake of The Wicker Man. Huge fan. I had a poster of it on my wall for the longest time. So, when I heard that they had started production on the sequel, I literally creamed my jeans. Just picture: all that cream, filling my jeans, pouring out of the legs and leaving a huge damp spot. But, that sweet jean creamery was short-lived, as, once I had read further in the story, I learned that they are quasi-sequelizing the original 1973 cult film starring Christopher Lee and Edward Woodward. The plot for the film, which has something to do with Christian musicians, sadly, does not include anything about Nick Cage coming back to the island in a beekeeper's outfit and a flamethrower, ready to kick some matriarchal ass. Unless it's the twist ending, in which case, BEST MOVIE EVER!