kevin smith

Horror Headlines: Tuesday December 21st, 2010

I had all these fun sarcastic things to say about the new trailer for "Black Death" but I just don't have it in me. This red band sucker has witches, people getting poked with spikes and all around Medieval nastiness. Unfortunately now I just feel like I need a shower and I'd like to take a nap.

All kinds of hot pics have hit the tubes from the soon to be classic "Dead Race 2". Yes it's direct to DVD and no there's no Jason Statham but hey they still have cars in the movie with machine guns and stuff. That's still something, right?

Two new posters for Kevin Smith's "Red State" have been released and about as fun as shooting a toothless hog outside of a trailer hitch. Or at least that's what I assume the people in those posters would say. maybe something about vittles. Point being they look like they're a product of inbreeding. Get it?

In case you've been up all night wondering if Heather Morris from "Glee" is actually being considered for the role of Buffy in the upcoming re-make/re-boot/re-whogivesashit then I'm happy to report you can finally sleep. She is being considered. Happy now?

In Real People News: 

Here's a story about a dog in Germany who gave birth to 17 puppies! I have no idea if this is uncommon but I assume that if people write about it then it's weird. I can't imagine they would write stories about a dog who gives birth to one extra puppy or something.

And just in time for the holidays here's a story about a Yacht Club bar in Rhode Island that was robbed by a guy dressed up as Santa. This all sounds very classy and sad at the same time.

Horror Headlines: Friday December 3rd, 2010

Here's a bunch of new pictures from "Red State" that have hit the nets. For those of you not in the know "Red State" is the new Kevin Smith horror flick that will apparently not include any of the haha. Sounds like all his other films! Booyah, I'm on today,

Here's a bunch of new images from "I Saw the Devil" which unfortunately, don't show the actual devil. But from the look on people's faces it looks like maybe they did see the devil so I am going to keep my fingers crossed that at some point I will see the devil in this film... DEVIL.

Dustin Runnels AKA Goldust from the good old WWE will be directing and producing his first horror film titled "The Fire Witch". No idea what the movie will actually be about but my guess is it has something to do with fire and probably at least one witch.

Remember Anne Rice? Me too! Wow we should do a checklist of all the other things we have in common. Anyway Anne is hoping for a reboot of her "The Vampire Chronicles" film, probably because vampires are so hot right now and she's fallen on hard times. I heard she spends her days at the local food kitchen. That's not confirmed though.

In Real People News: 

Ever wanted to own Lee Harvey Oswald's coffin? Me neither but somebody does because the casket will be auctioned off in LA and the bidding starts at $1,000. The only bummer is that he's not still in there though.

And to round out the week here's a women in Spain who claims she now owns the sun. Feel free to make your own jokes about this one.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday November 30th, 2010

Congratulations makers of "Black Swan". You found a way to make a minute long video of Natalie Portman dancing around the most unattractive thing I've ever seen. Here's what I assume the direction for this was like. "YES! That was good, now do it one more time with more German in your eyes. Ya! Das ist gut mein fraulein!"

Just when you think there's no good left in the world you find out that "The Walking Dead" scored 5.6 million viewers this past Sunday. This is actually more than the pilot episode and all signs point to this Sunday's season finale doing even better. If "Glee" ends up getting canceled my entire outlook on life is going to change.

For those of you who didn't get a chance to see "Hatchet II" before America flexed its biceps and yanked it from theaters, you're in luck. The slasher flick will get an On Demand release on December 1st and more importantly be available on countless torrent sites by the end of the week. I can't be the only one who wants to see the makers of this movie end up homeless. Somebody else chime in here!

Kevin Smith plans on screening his new creepy flick "Red State" at Sundance in 2011 and apparently wants to immediately auction off distribution rights after the screening. People of Hollywood I am speaking to you directly now. I've never asked you for anything but for this I will beg. Please, when that no talent overrated pile of turds starts the bidding please please please don't bid. I want to see what it looks like when a human actually cries cake frosting and this may be my only chance.

In Real People News: 

I've said this a thousand times and now I have proof. Pennsylvania has the worst drivers in the world and this girl who actually managed to get her truck up in a tree is living proof. Sometimes it's boring being right all the time... but not this time.

This might be the quickest I've ever gone from excited to disappointed in my life. Here's how my thought process went as I skimmed this article. Holy crap they are going to announce that aliens are real? At a Ramada Inn? That's kind of weird. Oh crap, it's a 65 year old man who prayed to Jesus to send him a snowball with proof. Crap.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday September 15th, 2010

According to the twitterverse Kevin Pollak has signed on to the cast of Kevin Smith's "Red State". The film is about a group of kids who encounter a gang of crazed fundamentalists in middle America. The good news? No mention of Jay or Silent Bob in the cast list

Gore Verbinski, the guy who directed all the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies, still wants to make a "Bioshock" film and he's willing to murder to make it happen. Alright he probably won't go that far but he's super into making it happen. So into it he would kill! Sorry.

What's better than 6 new clips from "Let Me In"? How about 8! You guessed 7 didn't you? Of course if the movie sucks 0 would be the correct number. Either way there's a lot of math going on here and I need a nap.

Why wouldn't you do a 3D remake of the 1977 film "Kingdom of the Spiders"? Well alright there's really a long list of reasons but at this point who gives a crap. 3D is freakin awesome! Bring on the spiders and whatnot.

Magnet Releasing, which is a part of Magnolia Pictures has acquired the North American distribution rights to "Chawz". If you couldn't guess by the title the Korean film is about a giant crazed pig terrorizing a peaceful countryside. My mistake, there's no way you could have guessed what this movie is about.

In Real People News: 

Two new procedures have been approved by the FDA to help fight obesity. Both break down fat cells by cooling them to the point of no return and flushing them from your body. I look forward to the next release where it warms the fat into a creamy dip for chips and crackers.

On this day in history: 

1982 - Iran's former foreign minister, Sadegh Ghotbzadeh, was executed after he was convicted of plotting against the government

Horror Headlines: Wednesday August 11th, 2010

"Automaton Transfusion" director Steven C. Miller talks about his entry for the new "After Dark Originals" line, "Scream of the Banshee". Starring Lauren Holly, the film is described as an old school monster movie and hopes to be the anchor to the new addition to the "After Dark 8 Films to Die For" family.

I'm sure you've been waiting for the return of the lesser known Duff sister Haley to the big screen. Worry no more as Haley Duff is in talks to star in the upcoming thriller "Cousin Sarah", a story of somebody's weird cousin moving to town where unexplained events start happening. Here's hoping her already signed co-star Jason Mewes lands the title roll of 'Cousin Sarah'.

The official plot details for Kevin Smith's upcoming "Red State" have appeared online and it looks passable! Centered around a Fred Phelps like evangelist, the movie hopes to show a new kind of 'extreme fundamentalism'.

Are you a big fan of Netflix and their handy streaming video service? Get ready to like it even more as the company has struck a deal with Paramount, Lionsgate and MGM Studios. Quite simply, there's going to be even more fun stuff to watch while wasting time at work!

In Real People News: 

An Auckland woman left her infant in the bath in hopes that he would drown, due to her claims of being unable to cope with two children. After pulling his body from the bath, she made sure to login to Facebook and do some web surfing before bothering to tell her husband that their baby had died.

A British woman on vacation in the Swiss Alps decided it would be fun to take a tour of the Gorges Alpins, a popular route that is traversed by rope bridges and zip lines. The group had a lot of fun until the woman decided she didn't need to use the safety rope used for braking on the zip lines and slammed face first into the side of a cliff, killing her instantly.

On this day in history: 

1772 - The summit of Papandayan volcano in West Java suddenly implodes, unleashing a catastrophic debris avalanche which blankets an area of 250 square km. Tumbling boulders flatten 40 villages and their 2,957 inhabitants.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 14th, 2010

Everybody's been talking about the upcoming "Scream IV". With the original creative team involved, it has the potential to be good. Things could be taking a turn for the odd however as sources say they are now in talks to bring Jamie Kennedy back for the reunion. As for how, nobody is certain yet. Could he be a zombie? An evil twin? At this point in the game, he could easily play his original character Randy's chubbier dad!

While still firmly in the 'non-news' category, original "Jaws" producer Richard Zanuck still has a few words to say that might make your stomachs turn. In a recent L.A. Times article, Zanuck talks about how he and Spielberg met a few years back about bringing the original film back to theaters with updates effects and tacked on 3D graphics. Sadly, Zanuck still thinks this would be a great idea.

Kevin Smith is finally getting around to working on his long talked about "Red State" horror feature. Recently, he sat down with the folks at Film School Rejects to discuss a few details about the film. Likening the plot and feel of the movie to that of "Race With the Devil", a 1975 film about cultists chasing hapless tourists, he promises you can replace the devil worshipers with christian fundamentalists!

In Real People News: 

A West Virginia man is facing animal cruelty charges as police discover he was playing amateur cryogenics lab in his pet shop. Upon investigation, police found six kittens, one dog, five mice, one reptile and 10 rats frozen alive in his back room.

Despite his latest turn as a real life police officer for reality television, Stephen Seagal his headed to court. He has been accused of using his personal assistant as his personal sex toy. In addition to her, she claims that he also had two Russian attendants on staff for when he was feeling a bit randy.

On this day in history: 

1865 - President Abraham Lincoln receives a cranial gunshot wound from the nation's most famous actor, John Wilkes Booth. Lincoln dies the following day, primarily from ill-advised attempts to extract the bullet lodged in his brain.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 24th, 2010

Wes Craven is a busy man this month! Rogue Pictures has announced that they will release his next film "My Soul to Take" on October 29th. Here's hoping that grand master Wes can give us horror fans a better Halloween treat than 'Yet Another Saw Movie'.

Lars von Trier has let it be known that he will next be visiting the end of the world with his apocalyptic thriller "Melancholia". Few details are certain at this time but early rumors claim that the movie will involve Earth colliding with another planet. So far, there has been no mention on whether or no Willem Dafoe's penis will make an appearance or not.

"Alice in Wonderland" scribe Linda Wolverton is working on a live action "Maleficent" screen play. If you're currently scratching your head, Maleficent is the evil queen from Disney's 1956 classic "Sleeping Beauty". Even stranger, Tim Burton is said to have taken keen interest in the project and may be lining up to direct.

After finally un-wedging his bulk from the seats of Soutwest Air, Kevin Smith lets it be known via his twitter account that they are finally ready to begin on "Red State". From Smith, "Looks like we start shooting this July. Took nearly three years, but we're finally ready to roll on Red".

In Real People News: 

A 62 year old Hong Kong man was fed up with life, and poor health decided to take his life in what he claimed were the ancient ways of his ancestors; by shoving a large zucchini into his rectum. His daughter was surprised when she came home to find him writing in pain on the floor, bleeding from the anus.

Cheaters never win and sore losers are never fun. Sometimes, people are just better than you. Frustrated after getting 'pwned' in Counter Strike at a local net cafe, a swearing gamer stabbed his 17 year old opponent in the head with a large kitchen knife when he suspected the 17 year old was cheating. "IM IN UR BASE, STABBIN UR DOODS"

On this day in history: 

1973 - Lou Reed is bitten in the ass by a rabid fan while onstage in Buffalo.

Horror Headlines: Monday February 8th, 2010

"The Descent 2" is finally scheduled for release here in the states, but it will not be getting a theatrical release. Heading straight to DVD, look for the sequel on April 27th.

Bill Murray confirms that he will be in "Ghostbusters III" but wishes he was dead for doing so. That is to say, he will only go back if he gets to play a ghost.

It appears the prequel for "The Thing" is moving forward, as Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Joel Edgerton have been cast for the film.

Kevin Smith has decided that if you want to see his first horror film "Red State", you're going to have to help pay for it.

In Real People News: 

Some Australian folks kidnap their neighbor and force her to eat feces and urine because they thought she was a witch. At least they weren't smart enough to remember the whole 'burning at the stake' thing.

The Philippines are facing a rash of violence; drunk men are breaking into fist fights and stabbings after arguing over karaoke renditions of "My Way".

On this day in history: 

1924: Gee Jong is the first man to die in the gas chamber, at Nevada State Prison in Carson City.

Horror Headlines: Monday October 26th, 2009

"Paranormal Activity" continues to flex its muscles as it soundly beats "Saw VI" in it's fifth week. Whether that speaks to the amazingness of "PA" or the mediocrity of "Saw"...well you'll have to listen to this week's podcast to find out!

If Milla Jovovich's new thriller "The Fourth Kind" has caught your eye, the studio has relased a new featurette called "Abduction" that helps ramp up the chills.

There's a new Nic Cage thriller on the market and here's the trailer for "Season of the Witch". I don't know if the plot is scary or not, but Cage's hair is positively frightening.

Kevin Smith gives an update on his pending foray into horror with "Red State. Currently, they're stuck for investors and still need a cast.

In Real People News: 

Iowa City: A man sits innocently ordering breakfast. Another man approaches him, punches him twice and accuses him of being a zombie. The current whereabouts of Woody Harrelson are unknown.

On this day in history: 

1825 – The Erie Canal opens – passage from Albany, New York to Lake Erie.

Kevin Smith On "Twilight"

Alright it’s confession time here people. I have something that’s been eating away at me for months now and I need to get it off my chest. I, Joe… blogger of this horror site… have seen the film “Twilight”. There I said it. Wait there’s more, I actually didn’t hate the movie. I’m not saying I enjoyed it but I didn’t think it was awful either. Alright the baseball scene was ridiculous but other than that I found it to be at least tolerable. Feels good to finally get that out.

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