horror headlines

Horror Headlines: Thursday February 11th, 2009

Good news for fans of "The Book of Eli" and "From Hell": Sibling directors The Hughes Brothers are slated to lense the live-action adaptation of Katsuhiro Otomo's graphic novel "Akira". I tap my chin worriedly, though I am intrigued by the idea. I also like Vanilla Coke, so go figure.

Thanks to the fine, opportunistic folks working behind-the-scenes at Sony Pictures, James Cameron's underwater epic "Pirahna II: The Spawning" will arrive on DVD this April. If you ever get the opportunity to procure Cameron's autograph, be sure to bring your copy of the film along for the ride. I'm sure he'll appreciate the joke.

Speaking of DVD release dates, E1 Entertainment has picked up North American distribution rights for director Fruit Chan's ambitious remake of Hideo Nakata's supernatural freakshow "Don't Look Up." The film stars Henry Thomas, and Kevin Corrigan, and Eli Roth. Yes, I said Eli Roth. Got a problem with that?

In Real People News: 

Although I'm honestly not that surprised, it turns out that grandmothers enjoy smoking crack before embarking on a high-speed police chases. I've also heard that AARP gives unbelievable discounts on illegal narcotics to all its card-carrying members. I can't wait to get old!

Grandfathers, on the other hand, are a little different. Instead of drugs and violence, they prefer to flush stink bombs down toilets and spray so-called "fart spray" inside Wal-Marts. I suppose its beats the old "pull my finger" routine, though not by much.

On this day in history: 

2006 - Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shoots Harry Whittington in the face during a hunting trip gone painfully awry.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday February 10th, 2010

Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, the writing duo responsible for "Zombieland" are hard at work on the upcoming sequel. Want to find out what they have in store for the 3-D shenanigans in "Zombieland 3-D"? The check out this little video interviews where they discuss some of their plans.

Although not official, we may see Wes Craven return to the directors chair for the in-development "Sunflower". Written by Mischa Green, the story pertains to psycho college professors and innocent college girls. Sounds right up Craven's alley.

I know you've all been waiting for the return of Dee Sniders's Captain Howdy; you're going to be so happy! Dee Snider sat down and discussed his plans for "Strangeland 2: The Disciple".

Slasher fans will be happy to hear; splatter classic "The Prowler" is coming back to DVD later this year! Even better, a Blu-ray release is promised shortly after.

In Real People News: 

Mr. Chang is accused of killing his mother. The act of murder is bad enough, but when officials found the body she was missing an arm, the back of her skull, skull remnants were found in the refrigerator and her blood had been drained into trash can in the garage.

On this day in history: 

1863 - Midgets Tom Thumb and Lavinia Warren married in a ceremony promoted and orchestrated by P.T. Barnum

Horror Headlines: Tuesday February 9th, 2010

Director Stephen Soderberg has fast tracked his next project, the outbreak action-thriller "Contagion". Joining him will be Matt Damon, Jude Law, Kate Winslet and Marion Cotillard. So far, the origin of the outbreak is unknown but investigation shows it is narrowed down to either a viral situation or runaway actor egos.

Normally I don't like to fuel crazy rumors, but this one is too good to pass up. The story that Universal is a planning a possible "Jaws" remake has been around for awhile. Think a reboot is bad enough? How about a reboot starring Tracy Morgan in the place of Matt Hooper?

In other star packed ego news, Rachel Weisz will star along side Daniel Craig and Naomi Watts in the haunted house thriller "Dream House". Reportedly, Weisz will be filling the lead role originally given to Watts.

"Paranormal Activity" continues to make waves as it scares the vino out of Italy. The country's emergency response service has been flooded with calls from teenagers and youth suffering from panic attacks after viewing the commercials. So far, the government has yet to ban the film.

Draco Malfoy has joined the cast of "The Apparition", a story about a couple haunted after a college experiment. So far, it would appear that Tom Feldon is going to be cast as the film's 'star power'.

In Real People News: 

A man was found to have attempted a free trip to Tokyo by stowing away in a planes landing gear. Unfortunately for him, he didn't think his plan through. His body was found frozen in the plane's landing gear bay, dressed only in blue jeans and a long sleeve shirt.

After a recent tally, cows now officially outnumber people in New Zealand. We're safe for the moment... at least until they team up with the sheep.

On this day in history: 

1989 - Officials for the World Wrestling Federation testify before the New Jersey Senate that their matches are actually rigged.

Horror Headlines: Friday February 5th, 2009

Bloody Good Horror does a wonderful, fantastic job of covering all aspects of horror. Probably the best, if you ask me. But how come, when it comes to music coverage, it's always about these hacky, screaming, trashy neo-metal bands with names like Tabernackle Neckkrack, Pentagrim or MethDettle TKO? Is this really the ONLY kind of music that horror fans care about? C'mon... surely some of us enjoy the soothing sounds of Steely Dan or Jimmy Buffett, right? Does anyone else here just ever sink into a bean-bag and gel with the Kenny G Live album? I can't be the only one... can I?

So, of course, the big news today is former Fangoria staffer James Zahn's loud 'n 'proud Facebook missive against his former employers. The major consensus is that he's just confirming what everyone figured about the behind-the-scenes of the magazine, but the real surprise, for me, at least? That Fangoria might have folded! The last issue I bought was about three months ago, after a two year hiatus; I was shocked by the $27 cover price and the 84-page tribute to Twilight. But, I gotta say, I loved the article entitled “Kane Hodder's 12-Minute Killer Ab Workout”. I lost five pounds! Thanks, Fango!

In Horrorhound Weekend news, it's been announced that at this March's Indy convention that the full, uncut version of Clive Barker's entertainingly silly "Nightbreed" will be screened for the first time ever. It sucks that I'll be missing it because I'm gonna be chugging Jim Beam while partying with about eight-to-ten BBWs in the BGH room's hot-tub. If you're reading this and you're a plus-size fox, well, you're fucking invited.

Susan “Bag 'Em and Tag 'Em” Sarandon's daughter, Eva “Godzilla Tits” Amurri has been gaining a bit of notoriety lately, especially after a saline-filled performance on Californication (whatever that is) and palling around with Olivia “Do You Like Me Yet?” Munn. She must be learning quite a bit from Munn, because she's going after your nerd-dollars now with a lead in "Isolation", a horror flick set in a... wait for it... hospital... and she has no memory how she got there! Oooh! I'm guessing she got there because of a botched boob-job. Speaking of botched boob-jobs, let's bet money now this goes straight to DVD. ZING.

In Real People News: 

Fuck paying for daycare. Yeah, I said it, but you know who's practicing it? Chen Chuanliu, a Chinese rickshaw driver who's been chaining his kid to a tree to keep him from being kidnapped by Oriental scoundrels! Ancient Chinese secret, huh? (GONG NOISE)

You know who shouldn't own cats? Goth kids. If they don't kill them by subjecting them to endless hours of tuneless Siouxsie Sioux drivel, there they go, piercing their l'il kitty ears and making them wear “Team Edward” shirts because daddy didn't loan them the Family Truckster to go and smoke Cloves down behind the Circle K. Fuckin' Goths. Really.

A Canadian restaurant is actually inviting patrons to have dirty sex in their unisex bathrooms. The restaurant's name? “Waiter! There's A Hair In My...Oh, Nevermind.”

On this day in history: 

In 1917, the current constitution of Mexico was adopted, establishing a federal republic with powers separated into independent executive, legislative, and judicial branches. Naturally, we celebrated by eating tacos and shooting our pistolas into the air.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday February 3rd, 2010

Do you need some more Patrick Batman in your life? Well then, you're in luck. It appears that "American Psycho" is becoming a musical. Let's hope there's ample time for Bateman's snappy impression of "Huey Lewis and the News".

There's more teen oriented horror coming to The CW, this time in a new show entitled Betwixt. They've done monster hunters and other various supernatural things, this time we're facing changeling's charged with saving humanity! I feel safer already.

On February 16th, you'll be able to take your horror with you on the crapper. South Peak games will be releasing "Dementium II", a survival horror FPS for the Nintendo DS. At least in this format when it scares the shit out of you, you'll already be in position.

Vampires are the hot commodity right now and as such, we may soon be seeing the return of Dracula himself. Producers are readying "The Last Voyage of the Demeter", a prequel story centered on the count and his voyage over seas to England.

In Real People News: 

A 15 year old girl with no vagina delivers a healthy baby boy leading locals to speculate an immaculate conception. Before the thoughts of the second coming or pregnancy from oral sex sets in, be sure to read about the girl's abdominal stab wounds and her resulting treatment.

The Netherlands have passed new legislation ruling that sex with animals as well as bestiality pornography is now illegal. Disturbing fact #1: bestiality was legal in the Netherlands up until now as long as it could be proven that the animal was not injured. Disturbing fact #2: bestiality is so rampant that they had to pass legislation to prevent it.

On this day in history: 

1959 - The Day the Music Died: A small plane carrying The Big Bopper (J.P. Richardson), Buddy Holly, and Richie Valens crashes near Mason City, Iowa

Horror Headlines: Tuesday February 2nd, 2010

Early reports say that Kate Beckinsale will be donning her leather cat suit once again for "Underworld 3D". The same reports also say she's trying to find a way to get out of the film as well.

Michael Rooker will be coming back once again to face off against monsters, this time in an ice fishing trip turned beast battle in "Hypothermia". Let's hope he fares better this time than he did in "Slither".

Hammer Studios continues its rise from the dead by acquiring its next film, a big screen adaptation of Susan Hill's "The Woman In Black".

Director Russell Mulcahy has been tapped to direct the pilot for MTV's recently announced "Teen Wolf" reboot. When you consider Mulcahy directed the classic "Highlander", there is some reason to grow excited. Then you remember he also directed "Highlander 2: The Quickening" and that all goes out the window.

Lakeshore Entertainment and Kevin Grevioux, the team up that brought you "Underworld: Rise of the Lycans" are preparing to bring you more of the unique brand of action horror with an adaptation of Grevioux's comic, "I, Frankenstein". At this time, it is still unclear how they will be working in Kate Beckinsale in tight leather.

In Real People News: 

A murderer on the FBI's most wanted list for 25 years is finally nabbed after walking into the US Embassy in Manila. Attempting to renew his passport, he forgot to apply using his alias.

After a long standoff, Perth Police charge the house of a local loony threatening to burn down his house after spreading fuel across the homestead. In an effort to stop the man from igniting the blaze, police shoot him with a taser gun, which in turns sets fire to the fuel severely burning the perpetrator . Whoopsies.

On this day in history: 

1852 - The first public toilet is inaugurated, located at 95 Fleet Street in London, by the Society of Arts.

Horror Headline: Thursday January 28th, 2009

Actress Zelda Rubinstein, best known for her role as Tangina in Tobe Hooper's classic "Poltergeist," died of natural causes on Wednesday. She was 76.

Have you longed to feel the rancid breath of a giant ape on your face as he leaps over your head to attack a rampaging Tyrannosaurus Rex? If so, you're in the luck. Filmmaker Peter Jackson has helped Universal Studios relaunch their "King Kong" theme park ride, which will open its doors this summer. Remember to pack your banana hammock.

The first trailer for Capcom's upcoming live-action adaptation of "Dead Rising" has appeared online. It's cheap, it's ugly, and it's extremely violent. In other words, I'm giddy with excitement.

Anchor Bay recently announced they have acquired the rights to Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo's "After Life," a new horror/thriller starring Christina Ricci, Justin Long, and Liam Neeson. When this thing will see the light of day is still anybody's guess.

In Real People News: 

What do 18 year-old female werewolves do for fun? For starters, they use pocket knives to severe the heads of lost dogs. Time permitting, they boil the skulls.

I'm no parent, but I'm pretty sure strapping your baby to the wall with duct tape isn't in the instruction manual. Neither is documenting the event with your digital camera.

When you're hanging out in the parking lot at the local mall, the last thing you expect is to be savagely attacked by a wandering cobra. Destro was not immediately available for comment.

On this day in history: 

1977 - Freddie Prinze commits suicide at the age of 23.

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