Matt Reeves has signed up to write and direct the big screen adaptation of the short story "8 O’Clock in the Morning". Why is this exciting? Well, you cynical son of a bitch, the short story just happens to be the inspiration for everyone's favorite bubblegum flick "They Live". Now are you interested? What if I told you this news post comes with a free frogurt? FYI: No Frogurt will be given.
Good news for those of you in the world who love cleavage, and honestly, if you don't I'd ask that you get your un-American ass of our site, "Elvira's Movie Macabre" will bee hitting DVD in the near future with two double features. One featuring "Night of the Living Dead" and "I Eat Your Skin" and another with "The Satanic Rights of Dracula" and "The Werewolf of Washington". Double features... there's a boob joke there right? It's a little too obvious.
Speaking of cleavage, aren't those Hammer movies supposed to be chock full of them? What the hell happened?! Take a look at the new trailer for "The Woman in Black" starring Daniel Radcliffe. Nothing, nada. The movies focuses on lawyer who finds himself in a small village that's cursed by the ghost of a woman. Keep your fingers crossed, maybe it's a stripper ghost.
A couple new images from the set of "Silent Hill: Revelation" have hit the tubes and it looks to be set in a spooky carnival. I'm just guessing here, but I'm betting that these two images will be the high point of the movie. Maybe that's just me, I'm a glass half full kind of guy. Honestly, I still don't understand that saying though, so I could be using it wrong.
You've got to give this guy points for creativity. A Pennsylvania doctor is being accused of sexual assault after he tried convincing a number of women looking to lose weight that he could help them burn 200 calories by giving them an orgasm. Oddly enough this is the same logic I used on myself, and that is why I am no longer allowed in any New York Sports club in the greater tri-state area.
Newly revitalized production company Hammer Films are at it again, this time releasing a new film in the UK called "Wake Wood." In an attempt to deal with the grief of losing their only child Alice, who was killed by a vicious dog attack, veterinarian Patrick and his wife Louise move to the remote country village of Wake Wood. Of course, things don't go as planned:
I'm like a little school girl for the movie "Priest" and the new trailer has got me all in a tizzy. I'm flustered, light headed and I think I may of started menstruating. Wait there's vampires in it? Oh man I'm going home pregnant!
The problem with being awful with names is that every time you read a headline about some guy's next film you get kind of excited. So when I read that David Ellis' next flick is going to be "The Briar Lake Murders" I got interested. Then I found out David Ellis is the guy who directed "Snakes on a Plane" and I realized this news is useless. So don't bother reading it.
Here's the new trailer for Hammer Film's "The Resident". What did I learn? Well Christopher Lee is still alive so that's nice. What was confirmed? Hilary Swank is in fact a man, which is not very nice. It's not very nice at all is it.
Just days after Joe Johnston admitted that "The Wolfman" kind of sucked there is now talk that the film could be up for an Oscar. Now before you go renting a tux I should point out that it's for best makeup which to be fair "The Time Machine" remake was nominated four years ago and only one person in the world liked that. If you promise not to keep it I'll let you borrow the DVD.
In Real People News:
Holy mother of God why did no one get this on camera? An Italian man who was shot in the head got the bullet out the manliest way possible, he sneezed it out. I wonder if it made a bang when it came out, man I hope so.
Now I don't want to say I'm for crime and hurting people but if it's happening to a guy who's dressing up like a super hero and trying to fight bad guys, well then it's kind of funny. Phoenix Jones is just such a guy who thought he would be the next Superman but instead was held up at gunpoint and had his nose broken. See isn't that funny?
Good news kids! I think at least. "The Howling: Reborn" has been picked up by Anchor Bay for all English speaking territories. So congrats America and Britain. See you in hell, France.
Here's another clip from "Skyline" which hits theaters this Friday. It features a giant robot shooting laser beams out of its eyes and destroying all of the west coast. No I'm kidding, it apparently it has some spoilers in it so I didn't watch. Man wouldn't it be crazy if I was right?
Hammer Film's "The Resident", starring America's most handsome sweetheart Hilary Swank will finally see the light of day now that Image Entertainment has picked up the US distribution rights. Swank plays a you doctor who lives in a Brooklyn apartment that might be haunted. I'll star as the guy in the audience who keeps leaning over and asking his wife why people like Hilary Swank so much.
A gaggle of new pics from "Paul" starting Nick Frost and Simon Pegg have popped up online and I just threw up with excitement. Seriously, it's all over the laptop, it's awful and I think I may have ruined the thing. If this is my last news update ever I want you to all know I love you.
In Real People News:
A couple in Oregon woke up Monday night to find a naked man in their closet. Seriously I had a roommate in college who use to pull this shit for about a month straight. Minus the whole nude thing but still it was frightening as hell, I can't imagine what it would have been like if his manhood was flopping around when he jumped out.
1972 – Southern Airways Flight 49 from Birmingham, Alabama is hijacked and, at one point, is threatened with crashing into the nuclear installation at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory. After two days, the plane lands in Havana, Cuba, where the hijackers are jailed by Fidel Castro.