I'm not sure a logo is actually news but here's the new one for the "Evil Dead" reboot that will at least give people a chance to bitch about there being a reboot. The flick won't hit theaters till sometime in 2013 and if you're not in the know like I am the big twist on this update is that Ash, or whatever they're going to call him, is taking his sister to a cabin in the woods to help her kick her drug habit. That's going to make all the makeout scenes a lot weirder I bet.
I'm going to go ahead and say it. "True Blood" is the worst thing to ever happen to TV. Yeah yeah I know you think Snookie or whatever the hell her name is is hot but that doesn't change anything. So why do I still report on it you might ask? Well who the hell are you to question my selection of news items? Go to hell! Lucy Griffiths is joining the cast next year. She's British and will play Eric Northman's sister. Is that alright with you!?
Mr. Robert Englund has been confirmed for Syfy's next installment in the "Lake Placid" series currently titled "Lake Placid: The Final Chapter". If you couldn't have guessed by the title the good people at Syfy are saying this will be the last installment in the giant crock attack series. I assume there will be some sort of parade in Hollywood to celebrate all of this magic. Maybe a national day of mourning.
In other casting news, it looks like the walking corpse that is Alice Cooper has been cast in Tim Burton's big screen adaptation of the "Dark Shadows". Cooper will play himself in the flick which takes place in 1972. And I can't think of another good "he's really old" joke so just make up your own here.
"I Saw the Devil" director Kim ji-Woon has lined up "The Last Stand" as his official entry into the world of English cinema. The movie will focus on drug lord trying to make his way down to Mexico and the sheriff hellbent on stopping him. Even better news it that Arnold Schwarzenegger himself will take on the role of said sheriff. Estaré de vuelta! According to Google that's "I'll be back" in Spanish.
Ray Liotta, Christian Slater and Ving Rhames in a straight to DVD thriller? Oh how the mighty have fallen. The movie is "The River Murders" and it's about a giant river that comes to life and murders people. Alright that's a lie, it's about a detective, played by Liotta, who is trying to hunt down a murderer who is taking out his ex-girlfriends one by one. I'm not sure I'd really work that hard to stop something like this. Sounds like someone's doing him a favor. Maybe send one of those Edible Arrangements.
Been waiting a long time for the next installment in the "Evil Dead" series? Well it looks like you might not have to wait much longer. Maybe. Word around campus is long time Sam Raimi collaborator and editor Bob Murawski has descended on Detroit to begin production on the film. If it's true it looks like the long delayed project could begin shooting sometime in the near future. If it isn't true I just look like I believe everything I read on the internet. Which I see absolutely no reason to stop doing.
Last week the internet was all abuzz with the rumor that Spike Lee might be hopping into the director's chair for the US remake of the Chan-wook Park's "Oldboy" and now it looks like he's officially been confirmed. So that happened. Feel free to go back to last week's news and read the hilarious jokes I put in the post about the rumor. I think there was something about America being awesome. Which of course is no joke. Rock, flag and eagle!
In Real People News:
Michael Todd, bassist for the awful rock band Coheed and Cambria was arrested this past weekend after he stole Oxycontin from a Walgreen’s pharmacy. Now if only the rest of the band would be picked up on charges of making terrible music I could go to sleep a happy man tonight. So in summery, I hate Coheed and Cambria.
A 57 year old man in Ireland is under arrested after his girlfriend died of an apparently allergic reaction to dog sperm. Let that sentence sink in for a minute. Alright let's move on. The two apparently met in a bestiality chat room and eventually agreed to meet in order to let the lovely lass go to town with the gentleman's dog. Later on she developed a severe reaction to the "aftermath" and eventually died at a local hospital. Interesting part here, and I feel sick saying this, is that he's not under arrest because she died but rather for allowing the dog to have sex with her in the first place. It's a terrible way to get caught for the crime though.
Get excited iApple iNerds! Ghost House has joined forces with Trigger Apps to develop a handy dandy "Evil Dead" shooter game for the iPhone and iPad. They follow the path of the first film and then branch off into a whole new storyline. It'll also come with Bryce Campbell's home phone number. Alright that might be a lie.
The advertising hot dogs behind the upcoming film "Priest" have jumped in to launch an online game for the film. The game can be played in both 2D and 3D, if you can find some glasses, and for those of you that are hammed right now it can even be played in 6D. Because you see double sometimes when you're drunk. Get it? It was either that or a "play with yourself" joke so consider yourselves lucky.
I'm a firm believer that if dogs have the opportunity they will turn on us and make us their slaves. For that reason it's pretty obvious that all dogs should be put in cages and treated like deadly criminals. Apparently though the makers of the new short film "Play Dead", which has a trailer and poster out on the tubes, think when the zombies take over "man's best friend" will be our only allies. Adorable idea, but completely inaccurate.
William Fichtner, who I'm 99% sure is a robot, is all ready to join the cast of Neill Blomkamp's new sci-fi flick "Elysium". The movie also stars Jodie Foster and Matt Damon or as I like to call them Fostermon. I don't think they're dating or anything but it's fun to make up names for people isn't it?
In Real People News:
It's unfortunate that with all the fussin and fightin in the world you can't even spank a kid who gets out of line anymore. But god bless these cops in Colorado who took things to a whole new level by using pepper spray on a second grader who got a little to out of line. Did someone yell "In 'yo face!" when he got hit? Man I hope so.
An NYC official is asking for $1.5 million to deal with the rat problem that he says is effecting tourism in the Big Apple. Honestly I come into the city every day to go to work and the pit in my stomach has nothing to with the rats and everything to do with being so close to "Mama Mia" on Broadway. I can't be the only one.
Everyone's favorite ginger snap Katherine Isabelle is returning in "Hard Ride To Hell", a story about a group of campers who find themselves in danger after witnessing a blood sacrifice. The film will debut on Spike TV before the DVD hits on May 18th.
Area23A, an event based distribution company, has picked up the rights to "Best Worst Movie". If you've been dying to lay eyes on this documentary centered on the 'classic' "Troll 2", your dreams are about to come true as the company plans a theatrical release.
"Evil Dead" is coming to theaters. Read that again. "Evil Dead" is coming back to theaters! That's right, the original movie, not a remake, is being brought back for a midnight run at select theaters across the country.