evil dead

Horror Headlines: Wednesday January 30th, 2013

David Cronenberg has decided his glowing smile needs to be seen by the world so he has taken the leading role in a new film titled "Body Art". The film follows a woman who goes into hiding after the suicide of her husband only to discover a man living with her that can repeat every conversation she ever had with her husband. I know I know, same old story we've seen 100 time already. But hey, maybe they'll do something new with it.

I don't know how something like this happens but apparently there is a "Jeepers Creepers 3: Cathedral" in the works and it might hit theaters as early as June 1st of this year. I've never seen the other two films so I'm a little confused but apparently this one follows a woman who sets out to end the Creeper's killing spree once and for all. I'm guessing that is going to be the plot of every one of these movies going forward but let's just go with it.

If you've never seen the 1968 mind F classic "Barbarella" then I suggest you get off your lazy ass and go pick up a copy of it post haste. It'll help prep you for the small screen adaptation that "Drive" director Nicolas Winding Refn currently has in the works. What's more is the show has just landed Neal Purvis and Robert Wade, the guys who wrote the last 5 Bond flicks have been confirmed to write. Jane Fonda may hate America but if 1968 Jane Fonda told me to move to Canada and start worshiping maple syrup I'd probably do it.

While there's no way in hell it'll stay that way it looks like the "Evil Dead" remake was slapped with an NC-17 rating when it was thrown in front of the ratings folks. A cut version is apparently already being worked on but this gives us all hope for the unrated DVD that will most likely be thrust out. Thrust is a really uncomfortable word.

In Real People News: 

I didn't know you could use a box of chicken to fight but a Texas man is in jail after he used one, along with a tire iron, to settle a dispute over who get the peach soda with his family. I honestly had no idea peach soda was a real thing but now that I do I'm pretty sure I would throw a box of chicken at you if you tried to take mine.

I have no idea how this happens but a legless Tennessee woman is under arrest after she beat an elderly man to death with a crowbar. I don't think I really need to make a joke here. You've already made your own.

Trailer: The Red Band "Evil Dead" Trailer Is Here

I've been optimistic about the "Evil Dead" remake and now that this red band trailer has hit the tubes I will go on record as saying I am actually excited. I mean not jump up and down excited, but a "well, that looks like it might be good" kind of excited. So I guess that's not really excited at all, is it? Anyway, it kind of made me go in my pants a little bit because Jane Levy, the film's star, is kind of scary as hell in it. She also has weird stumpy arms. But that's in real life so we shouldn't talk about it because it's rude.

"Evil Dead" hits theaters on April 12th.

Horror Headlines: Thursday November 1st, 2012

I'm going to answer the question you've been asking for years now. Yes they're making a "V/H/S 2". I know, you were getting nervous. What's more is this time around they've got a pretty kick ass list of directors to create the anthoology sequel. Gareth Evans, Eduardo Sanchez, Timo Tjahjanto and Jason Eisener are all in the mix for this one.

I think so far the reception of the "Evil Dead" remake has been warm to lukewarm, which is pretty good for horror nerds and the internet rage remakes cause. But feast your eyes on a photo of the new Necronomicon from the film. For some reason it's thrown me in a fit of rage. I want a face on it. I want a big weird angry monster face that screams and bites people. I deserve a face on a book.

"Ghostbusters 3" has been delayed again, being pushed from a summer 2013 start date to sometime in the fall of that year. The only thing surprising here to me is that this thing still has a chance of being made.

Mother of god yes. Kurt Russell will star in a new horror/western titled "Bone Tomahawk" about a sheriff and his pals who try to save a group from a band of cannibals. This will be the greatest move of all time. Yes Jennifer Carpenter is going to be in the film too but let's not let her freakish build and man jaw ruin the glory of Russell. Let's just not.

In Real People News: 

A 300 pound deer recently jumped into a home in Philadelphia and caused all kinds of damage while a frightened family looked on. It's sad because even with a 300 pound animal running around a house the worst thing about the home is that it's filled with people from Philadelphia. Am I right?!

I can't believe this doesn't happen more often but a skeleton was found under a tree that was uprooted during the hurricane in Connecticut this past Monday. I always assume most trees have dead bodies under them but that's just me.

Horror Headlines: Thursday September 20th, 2012

Just in case you don't have Netflix, a DVD player, a VHS player or the internet... FEARnet has decided to start showing "Tales From the Crypt" starting October 5th.

I had no idea that A&E was making a "Bates Motel" TV movie but I've been huffing a lot of paint lately so I've missed some things. But this is a thing and it's happening and I guess Freddie Highmore was always cast as Norman a while back so today I'm here to tell you that Olivia Cooke and Nicola Peltz have both joined the cast. I think I missed my fantasy football draft also. I hope no one picked up The Fridge yet.

Still holding out hope for a third installment in the "28 Days Later" saga titled "28 Months Later"? Well writer/producer Alex Garland says it isn't going to happen. So piss off.

If you want to get your beady little eyes on some clips from the "Evil Dead" and "Carrie" remakes then you're going to want to get your ass on a plane and come to NY Comic Con because both will premiere footage there on October 13th. I mean I guess if you live in Jersey you don't need to take a plane. That would be silly. Would you fly from Newark to JFK? I'm not even sure that's possible. Think for once in your life you freakin jackass.

In Real People News: 

A 480 pound Ohio man is looking to have his execution delayed because he claims at his weight lethal injection would cause a slow and cruel death. If this works out I assume death row will suddenly become a big group of giant fat asses.

Florida.... Man.... Sex with miniature donkey... I don't even know anymore folks.

Horror Headlines: Friday, December 9th, 2011

It's Friday folks and let's take a little time to plan out our weekend. The Mrs. and I will be venturing to Hershey park with our 5 month old so we can put her on the lap of some stranger who smells like peach Schnapps and Old Spice simply because he's dressed up like Santa. It's the memories that will last a lifetime, the tetanus will only be around for a few months.

What are you doing April 12th, 2013? Washing your hair?! How can you possibly have plans already? Well you might want to cancel them because that's the date you'll finally get a chance to see the "Evil Dead" remake in theaters. And in turn that's the date you'll finally get a chance to lose your shit over the "Evil Dead" remake because you think it's a pile of garbage and the original is sacred and girls didn't talk to you in High School and now that your acne has cleared up they should probably give you a chance. All of those things will happen.

Alexandre Aja, the fella who directed the "Piranha" and "The Hills Have Eyes" remakes has officially been tapped to directed the upcoming big screen adaptation of Joe Hill's "Horns". The books tells the tale of a man who awakes one morning after a night of hard drinking to find he's sprouting horns out of his head. Then a bunch of other stuff happens, like he finds out who killed his girlfriend and stuff. There's some snakes too. The point is I read the book and I want people to know I'm literate.

Horror hot pocket Neil Marshal (I don't know what that means) is being eyed by the good people at CBS Films for their upcoming film titled "Hellfest". The film is about a Halloween themed park where one of the workers is actually going around killing people. This all sounds pretty awesome to me. The director, the story... the killing... well alright the killing part isn't awesome. Ya know, in real life and all. In the movie it's probably going to be cool. And I love roller coasters.

The trailer for "Battleship", a movie about the classic board game, hit a couple months back and looked like one of the most ridiculous things to ever be put on film. But reasoning be damned because Peter Berg is already talking about a sequel. And why shouldn't he. They've made three of those "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movies already and two "Garfield" movies. Alright to be 100% honest I watched the first Chipmunks movie over Thanksgiving break and it was delightful. They're so tiny and adorable.

In Real People News: 

A Virginia Beach man is under arrest after he apparently offered women college scholarships in exchange for allowing him to spank them. I'm not sure how these things works but I'm pretty sure if you set up a scholarship you're allowed to make whatever rules you want but maybe I'm wrong. The fact that it was called the Henry Allen Fitzsimmons Scholarship For Naughty Naughty Girls Who Need To Be Punished, or HAFSFNNGWNTB probably should have been a tip off too.

Meth Labs are illegal, no matter where you set them up, but you got to give this women in Tulsa credit for setting up shop inside a Walmart. I mean with their rock bottom prices and wide isles it really is the perfect location. Watch for falling prices!

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

Wednesday is hump day my friends. Look around your office and do what you have to do.

Good news kids! A 5 minute clip of the upcoming little screen adaptation of Stephen king's "Bag Of Bones" has made it's way online. The miniseries focuses on a grief stricken husband who returns to the lakeside house him and his wife owned while dealing with a bitter custody battle. I want to be 100% honest. The download instructions for this clip confused the hell out of me so I didn't watch it. I want this relationship to be built on honesty.

The majority of the "Evil Dead" news flying around these days is mostly just interviews with people attached to the flick saying it's going to be awesome and fans will be happy. But today, today my friends, on this glorious of all hump days, we have news that director Fede Alvarez is planning on taking the show to New Zealand to begin filming in March. And if a bunch of sheep herders with strange accents doesn't ring true to the original "Evil Dead" I don't know what does.

If you love David Cronenberg then you're going to have somewhat pleasant feelings towards his son Brandon Cronenberg and his new project "Antiviral". Proof is in the first still we're getting today from the film that follows an employee at a clinic that sells injections of live viruses harvested from sick celebrities to obsessed fans. Don't let the fact bother you that the guy in the photo has a pony tail and by definition anyone with a pony tail is a prick. Please, let's try to be adults about this.

Honestly the only reason we're going to discuss these set picks from Neil Jordan's "Byzantium" if because I find them so confusing. They're of Gemma Arterton, who plays a vampire in the flick, prancing around the coast of Ireland in a red dress with all her goods hanging out. Sounds awesome I know but then you get to the final shot of some strange PA who appears to be examining Arterton's lady bits. I have so many feeling going on inside me right now I'm not sure what to do. I'm laughing and crying at the same time. I think it's best we call it a day.

In Real People News: 

Here's a story about a fashion model in Texas who has been seriously injured after she walked into a plane propeller. Are you laughing right now? Congratulations! You're officially a monster.

Do not mess with the fire department in Tennessee. Or at least don't forget to pay the 75$ annual fee you owe to them. Because they will come to your house while it's burning and watch that giant trailer you call a home go up in flames. At least they didn't roast marshmallows. That would just be in poor taste.

Horror Headlines: Thursday November 3rd, 2011

I'm not sure a logo is actually news but here's the new one for the "Evil Dead" reboot that will at least give people a chance to bitch about there being a reboot. The flick won't hit theaters till sometime in 2013 and if you're not in the know like I am the big twist on this update is that Ash, or whatever they're going to call him, is taking his sister to a cabin in the woods to help her kick her drug habit. That's going to make all the makeout scenes a lot weirder I bet.

I'm going to go ahead and say it. "True Blood" is the worst thing to ever happen to TV. Yeah yeah I know you think Snookie or whatever the hell her name is is hot but that doesn't change anything. So why do I still report on it you might ask? Well who the hell are you to question my selection of news items? Go to hell! Lucy Griffiths is joining the cast next year. She's British and will play Eric Northman's sister. Is that alright with you!?

Mr. Robert Englund has been confirmed for Syfy's next installment in the "Lake Placid" series currently titled "Lake Placid: The Final Chapter". If you couldn't have guessed by the title the good people at Syfy are saying this will be the last installment in the giant crock attack series. I assume there will be some sort of parade in Hollywood to celebrate all of this magic. Maybe a national day of mourning.

In other casting news, it looks like the walking corpse that is Alice Cooper has been cast in Tim Burton's big screen adaptation of the "Dark Shadows". Cooper will play himself in the flick which takes place in 1972. And I can't think of another good "he's really old" joke so just make up your own here.

In Real People News: 

I don't even know how you handle something like this. Georgia cops rolled up to an odd scene Tuesday when they found a couple wandering around the road naked looking for their dachshund that they gave a gummy worm covered with LSD. Don't worry the LSD didn't kill the dog! A speeding car did.

Time and time again I've posted odd news on here of people doing things I don't condone, but I understand. So here's a story about a man who broke into two apartments, assaulted a man and stabbed another while trying to find some beer.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday July 12th, 2011

"I Saw the Devil" director Kim ji-Woon has lined up "The Last Stand" as his official entry into the world of English cinema. The movie will focus on drug lord trying to make his way down to Mexico and the sheriff hellbent on stopping him. Even better news it that Arnold Schwarzenegger himself will take on the role of said sheriff. Estaré de vuelta! According to Google that's "I'll be back" in Spanish.

Ray Liotta, Christian Slater and Ving Rhames in a straight to DVD thriller? Oh how the mighty have fallen. The movie is "The River Murders" and it's about a giant river that comes to life and murders people. Alright that's a lie, it's about a detective, played by Liotta, who is trying to hunt down a murderer who is taking out his ex-girlfriends one by one. I'm not sure I'd really work that hard to stop something like this. Sounds like someone's doing him a favor. Maybe send one of those Edible Arrangements.

Been waiting a long time for the next installment in the "Evil Dead" series? Well it looks like you might not have to wait much longer. Maybe. Word around campus is long time Sam Raimi collaborator and editor Bob Murawski has descended on Detroit to begin production on the film. If it's true it looks like the long delayed project could begin shooting sometime in the near future. If it isn't true I just look like I believe everything I read on the internet. Which I see absolutely no reason to stop doing.

Last week the internet was all abuzz with the rumor that Spike Lee might be hopping into the director's chair for the US remake of the Chan-wook Park's "Oldboy" and now it looks like he's officially been confirmed. So that happened. Feel free to go back to last week's news and read the hilarious jokes I put in the post about the rumor. I think there was something about America being awesome. Which of course is no joke. Rock, flag and eagle!

In Real People News: 

Michael Todd, bassist for the awful rock band Coheed and Cambria was arrested this past weekend after he stole Oxycontin from a Walgreen’s pharmacy. Now if only the rest of the band would be picked up on charges of making terrible music I could go to sleep a happy man tonight. So in summery, I hate Coheed and Cambria.

A 57 year old man in Ireland is under arrested after his girlfriend died of an apparently allergic reaction to dog sperm. Let that sentence sink in for a minute. Alright let's move on. The two apparently met in a bestiality chat room and eventually agreed to meet in order to let the lovely lass go to town with the gentleman's dog. Later on she developed a severe reaction to the "aftermath" and eventually died at a local hospital. Interesting part here, and I feel sick saying this, is that he's not under arrest because she died but rather for allowing the dog to have sex with her in the first place. It's a terrible way to get caught for the crime though.

Horror Headlines: Thursday April 7th, 2011

Get excited iApple iNerds! Ghost House has joined forces with Trigger Apps to develop a handy dandy "Evil Dead" shooter game for the iPhone and iPad. They follow the path of the first film and then branch off into a whole new storyline. It'll also come with Bryce Campbell's home phone number. Alright that might be a lie.

The advertising hot dogs behind the upcoming film "Priest" have jumped in to launch an online game for the film. The game can be played in both 2D and 3D, if you can find some glasses, and for those of you that are hammed right now it can even be played in 6D. Because you see double sometimes when you're drunk. Get it? It was either that or a "play with yourself" joke so consider yourselves lucky.

I'm a firm believer that if dogs have the opportunity they will turn on us and make us their slaves. For that reason it's pretty obvious that all dogs should be put in cages and treated like deadly criminals. Apparently though the makers of the new short film "Play Dead", which has a trailer and poster out on the tubes, think when the zombies take over "man's best friend" will be our only allies. Adorable idea, but completely inaccurate.

William Fichtner, who I'm 99% sure is a robot, is all ready to join the cast of Neill Blomkamp's new sci-fi flick "Elysium". The movie also stars Jodie Foster and Matt Damon or as I like to call them Fostermon. I don't think they're dating or anything but it's fun to make up names for people isn't it?

In Real People News: 

It's unfortunate that with all the fussin and fightin in the world you can't even spank a kid who gets out of line anymore. But god bless these cops in Colorado who took things to a whole new level by using pepper spray on a second grader who got a little to out of line. Did someone yell "In 'yo face!" when he got hit? Man I hope so.

An NYC official is asking for $1.5 million to deal with the rat problem that he says is effecting tourism in the Big Apple. Honestly I come into the city every day to go to work and the pit in my stomach has nothing to with the rats and everything to do with being so close to "Mama Mia" on Broadway. I can't be the only one.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday March 2nd, 2010

Bill Murray continues to stir up "Ghostbusters III" talk. During his appearance on last night;s "Late Show With David Letterman", he confirms that he will be killed off early in the script and states that he doubts the film will ever be made.

Everyone's favorite ginger snap Katherine Isabelle is returning in "Hard Ride To Hell", a story about a group of campers who find themselves in danger after witnessing a blood sacrifice. The film will debut on Spike TV before the DVD hits on May 18th.

Area23A, an event based distribution company, has picked up the rights to "Best Worst Movie". If you've been dying to lay eyes on this documentary centered on the 'classic' "Troll 2", your dreams are about to come true as the company plans a theatrical release.

Keep your eyes on your local art house theater; the recent midnight screenings of "Evil Dead" have been doing so well that Grindhouse Releasing has struck a new 35mm print of the film. With showings selling out, the company plans on keeping the film going for quite awhile. Stay tuned to the Grindhouse Releasing website to see if they add a city near you.

In Real People News: 

A quadriplegic man is seriously injured at an Australian AC/DC concert when his friend bumps the joystick of his motorized wheelchair and sends him plummeting into the mosh pit.

Roy Messenger was fine after losing control of his car and crashing into a power line pole. It was when he accidentally urinated on the live power line that he knocked loose that killed him.

On this day in history: 

1982 - Science fiction author Philip K Dick dies of a stroke in Santa Ana, California. Since 1974 the author had been possessed by a superalien who arrived in his head via a beam of pink light.

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