Elizabeth Olsen

Horror Headlines: Thursday, February 9th, 2012

Am I the only one who goes into a fit of rage anytime he sees Eddie Van Halen on TV? Sure David Lee Roth is more annoying but Eddie... Eddie's always got that stupid smug look on his face. Oh I hate those tiny little chicklet teeth he flashes.

If you're waiting for Shawn Levy's new "Frankenstein" movie then I've got some bad news for you. The good people at Fox have decided to pass on the project based on the fact that the budget was looking to be upwards of $80 million. This sounds like a giant mistake to me. When you get the guy who made "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian" you give him any amount he wants and just watch the magic unfold.

"The Thing" remake's Mary Elizabeth Winstead looks to be teaming up with "The Last Exorcism" director Daniel Stamm for a new film called "The Darkness". Winstead will play a girl babysitting her tutor's two children in a large mansion that looks to be haunted. Do you think they'll play that "I Believe In a Thing Called Love" Song during the opening credits? I hope so, that tune is always fun.

Glenn Close, Elizabeth Olsen and Tom Felton (or as I like to call them the dream team) are all confirmed for roles in Therese Raquin, a new film about a wife who murders her sickly husband with her lover so they can be together. Oh but the husband comes back to haunt them. Just like I'd do if I ever get murdered by my wife. You reading this, honey!? I'll get you!

If you liked "The Woman in Black", and I did, then you might be giddy to find out that hammer Films has picked up the rights to "Gaslight" a new Jack the Ripper film which is said to be a mix of "From Hell" and "Silence Of the Lambs". You liked both of those movies didn't you? Or at least 1? That's 50%! I can confirm you'll love 50% of this movie.

In Real People News: 

Well this is just sad. A British swingers club may be forced to shut down due to complaints from neighbors that the parties are too loud. Lets all pray that these deviants can come to some sort of agreement. Maybe use ball gags after 9pm? That should help keep things quite.

Ever wonder if those guys at the airport even actually pay attention to what you put in the little bin to be scanned? Wonder no more. They do. Just ask this guy from Chicago who tried to get 5 bags of weed through.

Posters: New "Silent House" poster giving me second thoughts

"Silent House", starring Elizabeth Olsen, is probably my most anticipated film of the year so far. Then they released this poster... I spend probably 50% of my time just trying NOT to make women cry. Now I'm going to pay to see a movie where this is the main selling point? I question the wisdom of their advertising department on this one... (click to enhance)

Trailers: "Silent House" stars chimeric Olsen Twin

It's that time of year when trailers for 2012's horror releases are starting to trickle into theaters. Caught this one this weekend while watching "The Devil Inside" (for the rest of that story, please visit www.clownpenis.fart). It's flown under my radar so far, and not only does it look like a bad-ass terror film (which I've been saying we need more of these days)... I'm guessing the technology they used to fuse the two Olsen Twins together to form a prettier, more talented actress is really going to change the world for the better. Just think of all the things we can combine!

Horror Headlines: Friday January 21st, 2011

Wait a second, there's a third Olsen twin?! Yes I know that doesn't make any sense but work with me here. Elizabeth Olsen stars in the new remake of "The Silent House", a movie I did not know existed let alone was being remade, but none of that matters now that we have a third Olsen twin. Rejoice!

There's a new "Scream 4" trailer! Get pumped people. The best part? I'm 99% sure it features the exact same clips that were in that Canadian trailer that made it's way to the tubes a few days back. Isn't that awesome?! Things I've seen before are fun to watch again!

Adrien Brody has been fighting to keep his film "Giallo", which is suppose to be a giant pile of doodie, from finding its way to DVD. Don't worry though the legal fun had nothing to do with the quality of the movie, Brody just wanted to make sure he was paid in full for his "acting skills". I like to use sarcasm quotes. Anyway the suit is settled and the flick will now find its way to DVD. Happy days!

Sacha Gervasi, the guy who made the kick ass documentary "Anvil! The Story of Anvil" is currently working on a new biopic of one Mr. Alfred Hitchcock. No the film will not be a documentary but I like to think that Gervasi isn't just a one trick pony. I for instance am good at both drinking beer and downloading illegal porn. Some people are just gifted.

In Real People News: 

Fever, weakness, loss of initiative, headache, disordered speech, irritability, forgetfulness, frightening dreams and swollen lips and throat. These are all things a man know as Mr. A suffered from after he had an orgasm as he is actually allergic to them. Good news those, the big doctors think they've cured him! Not going to lie, I get 5 of these 9 things also and I thought it was normal. Try to guess which ones!

I have a real problem when I read the town name Tucson and I always think it's Tuscany. So when I read a restaurant in Tuscon is selling tacos made with lion meat I thought, "wow, those Italians are a bunch of sickos". Boy is my face red now!

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