carrie

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, May 16th, 2011

Does everyone hate Sacha Baron Cohen now? Is that the new thing? I'm on board I guess.

Isabelle Fuhrman will always be the creepy little girl from "Orphan" to me. Except when I read "Orphan" quickly and think it says Oprah. Then I just get really really confused. Especially when I read Oprah is going to be starring the "Suspiria" remake. So just to recap, Oprah is not starring in remake of Dario Argento's classic film "Suspiria". Isabelle Fuhrman who was in "Orphan" will be. And they're both creepy. but for different reasons.

The cast of the "Carrie" remake looks to be shaping up nicely with both Alex Russell and Ansel Elgort in talks to take on roles in the film. I have no idea who either of those guys are and I think one of them does Broadway crap so I'm kind of happy about that. Good talk huh?

"Contagion" writer Scott Z. Burns has been tapped to pen the script for the upcoming sequel to 2011's "Rise of the Planet of the Apes". Rupert Wyatt, who directed the first film will also take the director's chair this time around. Also, Andy Serkis, who jumped around in a suit to bring Caesar the ape to life will return and most likely spawn a bunch of ridiculous talk that a guy who rolls around on the ground in a leotard should get an Oscar.

Everyone's favorite little spark plug Amy Adams is in talks to play the lead in a new film called "Dark Places". Adams would be Libby Day, a woman who becoming involved with a secret society that's obsessed with the strange murder of her family some 25 years ago. Can she look adorable while visiting her convicted brother in prisons? All signs point to yes.

In Real People News: 

A group of Kentucky students are under arrest for posting upskirt videos of their teacher on the internet. I am now thinking back to every teacher I ever had and throwing up a little bit in my mouth. Except Mr. Cable. That guy had it going on.

A Utah student is in hot water after he mistakenly left his homework inside a house he robbed. So not only is he going to jail but now he also has to explain to his teacher why his homework is missing. This is probably a lot cooler than the dog ate it story though.

Horror Headlines: Monday, May 14th, 2011

Neil Marshall, our friend who directed "The Descent", has been tapped to take the wheel on "The Last Voyage Of Demeter". The film tells the story the ship and crew that transported Dracula from Transylvania to London as told by the lone survivor of the voyage. I don't want to spoil anything... but scurvy.

Julianne Moore has been confirmed to be playing the nutso mother in the upcoming "Carrie" remake. Which is fun because she seems so nice so I kind of feel like even if she locked me in a closet for hours on end I wouldn't be so mad at her. Like those stupid Sour Patch Kids commercials. Awww she whipped me with a ruler but now she's making me pancakes.

Heather Graham and Carrie-Anne Moss have been tapped for roles in a new film titled "Compulsion". The flick is a remake of a South Korean horror-comedy about two women who live next to each other and realize one is on a hefty bad luck streak while the other is finding herself overflowing with good luck. I assume Heather Graham will have the good luck because she's never made out with Keanu Reeves.

Michelle Monaghan who looks like a solid D cup has joined Owen Wilson and Pierce Brosnan in the cast of "The Coup", a new film about a family stuck in Southeast Asia during a coup. Maybe a large B actually. I don't know, they do amazing things with push up technology these days.

In Real People News: 

Fishermen in Germany are blaming swimmers who pee in their local pond for the 500 plus fish they found dead recently. Even I'm not that much of a monster to make the joke you're thinking of.

A Pennsylvania woman beat the holy living hell out of her husband during a fight over his facial hair. Which is funny because now he's probably going to go nuts when she doesn't clean. And the cycle will begin anew.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, March 28th, 2011

Just a heads up, I feel awesome today. Someone's getting a hug that goes on for just a little too long.

What is it about Stanley Tucci's name that makes me want to pinch a baby's cheeks? Not like in a creepy way, just like in an adorable way. This has gotten kind of weird. He's joined the cast of "Your Voice in My Head" and will play a psychiatrist who helps a self abusing woman, played by Emma Watson, heal her mental scars. Tucci Tucci Tucci! Come on, it's adorable.

I've seen the 1995 movie "Embrace of the Vampire" no less than a dozen times and I could not tell you what the hell it's about. All I remember is Alyssa Milano was nude for 90% of the film and had sex with just about everyone that was on screen. CineTel Films, who I've never heard of but are now my favorite studio, have decided it's time for a remake of the soft core classic. I wonder if Milano will have a cameo. God I hope so.

Chloe Moretz is kind of awesome. She was brutal in "Kick Ass", she was creepy as hell in "Let Me In" and she's pretty damn funny on "30 Rock". So now I'm excited about the "Carrie" remake because she's officially been offered the lead role. If there's anyone that can pull off a pig-blood prom dress it's her. I just hope it isn't after labor day. That's a fashion no-no.

If you didn't like "The Woman In Black" then I kind of want to punch you in the face. It scared the crap out of me. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm not going to punch you in the face if you don't buy the DVD when it's released in May though. I understand times are though and you can't drop money on every movie I like. Where the hell would you even keep the entire "Police Academy" series? There's like 9 films. That's so much shelf space.

In Real People News: 

Need another reason to not visit the Florida Keys? How about giant 9 pound rats that are invading the coast line? Plus Disney World is like a 40 hour drive or something from there.

I love it! A woman in NY is under arrested after she lost her shit on the highway and just started throwing coffee into people's windows. Sometimes you just gotta burn people to make a point that you're sick of traffic.

Retro Clip: "Carrie" (1976)

There are a few horror movies that still get me every time I watch them. Although I am not a huge fan of the overall movie, I can watch the ending of "Carrie" over and over again and I will undoubtedly jump every single freakin time. The final scene in which Sue (Amy Irving) visits Carrie's (Sissy Spacek) grave site was actually shot backwards and then reversed to give the scene a dreamlike quality. The scene was also filmed at night and used artificial lighting to create the daytime effect. So take a look at the final scene from "Carrie" below and tell me, what gets YOU every time?

Plug it up, it's Will Arnett as Carrie

Ready your tampons, because it's about to get weird in here. The people from MSN's Cinemash have maybe reached the limits of weird with their new video featuring Will Arnett and Xavier: Renegade Angel from Adult Swim in their version of "Carrie."

As if "Carrie" wasn't an uncomfortable enough film to sit through, they have added cross-dressing and an inarticulate animated character, which will, upon viewing, be an obvious upgrade. Although there is no John Travolta getting a blowjob, the fashion is still in keeping with the original film and the death scenes are. . . electrifying.

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