alien

The 3-D craze has donned its leather jacket and pointed its motorcycle towards the ramp as Paramount Pictures has announced plans to make a new "Ring" movie, this time in 3-D. David Loucka has already been tapped to pen the script in what Paramount hopes is a reinvention of the franchise.

"Scream" scribe Kevin Williamson put to rest the rumors that Jamie Kennedy will be returning for "Scream IV". "We're not that universe where you can bring people back from the dead. That would be just a cheat." Good to see that there's still some integrity in Hollywood!

While not really news in and of its self, be sure to keep your eyes peeled for this sweet "Nightmare on Elm Street" popcorn bucket when you head out to catch the remake this weekend!

In a recent press junket for his latest feature "Robin Hood", director Ridley Scott let slip that the both of the upcoming "Alien" prequels will be released in 3D. If you're paying attention, you'll notice that I used the word 'both'. Scott also let it be known that he is planning on two prequels for the franchise.

"Machete" is no longer the only feature to spawn from the fake trailers shown in 2007's "Grindhouse". The next trailer to be stretched to full length will be "Hobo With a Shotgun" starring none other that Rutger Hauer.

Ridley Scott, one of the most overrated directors of all time—yeah, I said it—has signed on to direct the prequel to “Alien”. The original movie made him famous and allowed him to direct such “classics” as “Legend” and “White Squall”. Even though writer Jon Spaihts is currently writing the screenplay, I've used my crystal ball, nicknamed “common sense”, and read the screenplay already: spaceship encounters the alien, alien gets into the ducts, the lights go out, the spaceship's inhabitants are offed one by one and a lone woman survivor takes him down. There, I saved you $10, two hours and countless wasted high hopes.

HBO's “True Blood”, or, as it really should be called, “Twilight for Adults”, has been renewed for a third season. That's at least six more weeks of shower-nozzle masturbation fantasies for the ladies!!!

Geez, it's been a while since we've heard anything from director Uwe Boll, hasn't it? Boll, one of the most underrated directors of all time, and better than Ridley Scott—yeah, I said it—has a new film in the works called “Rampage”, that looks like a deadly serious version of “Postal”, and we all know how much I loved “Postal”. Still, with Boll doing original material, doesn't it make you wistful for the good ol' days when he was just doing one video game adaptation after another? If there was ever a director to make a movie called “Minesweeper”, it would have been him.

Wes Craven expects a "Scream 4" script by August for him to peruse, although he's told the Weinstein's that he's not necessarily interested in directing, a gig which they would like him to take. At this point he's not even sure what the film's about, but writer Kevin Williamson has a whole new trilogy in mind, with Courtney Cox and David Arquette reprising their roles from the original series.

Eli Roth is considering directing the remake of "Funhouse". The funny thing is, he goes on and on about what he thinks was wrong with the first film and could be corrected in a remake, and I'm pretty sure he's talking about all the parts of that film I actually liked! Oh, Eli. Will our love/hate bromance ever stop?

In New York City and want to see some Japanese weirdness? Well here you go, on Friday, June 26th you can take in a screening of "Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl" at the New York Asian Film Festival. I'm not making any promises, but there is a hot Japanese school girl on the poster art, so at least they know their audience.

FOX isn't crazy about handing the reigns of the "Alien" franchise over to a rookie director (Carl Erick Rinsch), one who was hand-picked by Ridley Scott himself. Instead, rumor has it that they're trying to get Scott to commit to directing, which he hasn't seemed interested in up until this point. It's kind of funny they worry about the franchise NOW, after two pretty mediocre "Aliens vs Predator" films.

Next up on the remake block: The 1974 Hammer flick "The Legend of the 8 Golden Vampires". Any Hammer fans out there want to give their impressions of the original?

Wanna take your top off in "A Nightmare on Elm St."? They weren't interested in me, something about "not having huge fake tits". Ah well.

A dark version of "Snow White" sounds pretty awesome, although I'm guessing they won't have to try so hard to make it scary. Those old Disney films are still terrifying.

John Lithgow joins "Dexter"... as a serial killer. I'm nominating this for best story of the week, hands down.

"Sorority Row", the remake of the 1983 film "The House on Sorority Row", has been rated "R for strong bloody violence, language, some sexuality/nudity and some partying". So "partying" gets you an R rating these days? That's interesting.

"Alien" gets a remake, apparently shooting down any hope that it might get a 5th installment. Supposedly though, Michael Costigan, Ridley Scott and Tony Scott are all on board as producers, and have picked their own director. So I guess that's good news?

Megan Fox in a Corset on the set of "Jonah Hex". Yes please.

David R. Ellis to bring us "Humpty Dumpty". The new film by the "Final Destination 2" and "FD: Deathtrip 3D" director is about: "a half-human, half alien creature who embarks on a murderous rampage after his alien mother is abused by two rednecks in the deep South." Oh, it will also be in 3D, so there's that.

Ving Rhames gets cast in "Piranha 3D", pretty much ensuring at some point a fish will get blasted with a shotgun. Good times.

Ridley Scott considering a return to the "Alien" franchise? I suppose the chances are slim that he'd get a sequel greenlit, but even if it's a remake I suppose the original director is the one you'd want on board.

Evan Rachel Wood joins "True Blood", I start to think perhaps there's a reason I should be watching this show. Hmmmm....

The rest of the episodes of "Harper's Island" will run on Saturdays at 9:00pm on CBS. They've all but given up on the show being a ratings success, but since the episodes were already produced they figured they should let it run out. Saturdays are typically filled with reruns for most networks anyways, so there's no real loss for them shifting to that night. Apparently the show was going to be canceled outright, but it was significant DVR ratings that saved it from the ax.