alien

Horror Headlines: Thursday December 9th, 2010

Nicolas Cage, who many consider the world's greatest actor of all time to ever be invented, is here with a new clip from his soon to be Academy Award winning film "Season of the Witch". In it Cage battles a bunch of wolves and of course wins. Well alright not really, but I bet he could if he wanted to.

Remember last week when I told you that the upcoming "Alien" prequel had been pushed out a year to at least 2013? Well if you said yes then you're a liar because I didn't... but apparently the rumors have been flying. Well it looks like the 2012 release date is still actually happening, if the film actually happens. I say that because it also looks like Fox has not officially given the film a thumbs up. Confused? Me too. Let's talk about something else. Some weather we're having huh? Winter is officially here!

Apparently that guy who's married to Katy Perry is some kind of actor and will star in a new "Beetlejuice" type film called "RentaGhost", which itself is based on a BBC series that ran twenty some years ago. Oh alright, I'm just kidding I know he's an actor, he just really sucks.

"The Raven" has absolutely nothing to do with Edgar Allan Poe but it is being produced by Mark Wahlberg. So that's nice, right? The movie is about a guy running around downtown LA while a bunch of police drones try to track him down. Truth be told this might have something to do with Edger Allan Poe, I don't care much for reading, I just assumed something with Marky Mark attached to it wouldn't be that classy.

In Real People News: 

A Sudanese court has convicted seven men after they were arrested for wearing makeup during a fashion show in Khartoum. How freakin awesome is that? Can we get those pricks in Green Day to head over there? That 50 year old man wearing eyeliner needs some prison time.

A longtime Santa in downtown San Francisco has been fired from Macy's after a couple complained about his joke that it's "too bad" when older people who sit on his lap say they've been good. San Francisco is also the same city that recently banned toys from Happy Meals. So it's confirmed... San Francisco is now officially a part of Canada.

Horror Headlines: Friday October 29th, 2010

Dennis Iliadis, the guy who fixed "The Last house on the Left", is in talks to direct "The Demonologists". The film will focus on a group of ghost hunters who find themselves in deep caca when they stumble upon a demon infestation. I hope they have ghost hunter uniforms, those are adorable.

The wait is almost over kids, "The Walking Dead" hits AMC on Sunday and to get you all pumped up here's 5 minutes from the first episode. Are you mildly turned on? I am. Wow I've never noticed what amazing eyes you have. What are you doing later?

"Burke And Hare" is a comedy based on a true story about two men who fall into the dangerous world of providing cadavers for medical research. Which kind of sounds like "I Sell the Dead" but according to the new one sheet this one has Simon Pegg and looks like it might not suck. So there's some differences right there.

Ridley Scott was on the crapper recently and decided that he wants Noomi Rapace from "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" to star in the "Alien" prequel. So of course it's my job to tell you about it. Take a good hard look at me kids, I'm you in ten years! Good luck sleeping tonight.

In Real People News: 

What's the best way to smuggle 2,000 diamonds into a country? I have no idea but apparently putting them into condoms and swallowing them won't work. Or at least some guy from Sri Lanka couldn't do it. Sounds like a challenge to me.

Do you love live fresh crabs but hate all the trouble of going to the grocery store? Sure, we all do. Well the Chinese have found a fun way to get around all that by installing a vending machine that dispenses live crabs in the subway. Eat up!

On this day in history: 

2002 – Ho Chi Minh City ITC Inferno, a fire destroys a luxurious department store where 1500 people shopping. Over 60 people died and over 100 are missing. It is the deadliest disaster in Vietnam during peacetime.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 20th, 2010

I might be the only one who watches "Eureka" but I don't care, Colin Ferguson is a dream boat and someday he's going to marry me. More proof of his dreaminess can be found in these news clips from "Lake Placid 3", by far the most awe inspiring clips of the entire "Lake Placid" series to date.

Remember those "Witchboard" movies from the 80's? The only reason anyone watched them was in hope that you might get to see Tawny Kitaen naked. Spoiler alert, you didn't. "Ouija Board" apparently has nothing to do with those films but word has it Pierre Morel, who directed "Taken" will also take the helm of this one. That tied in nicely, didn't it?

I'm pretty sure at this point every women in Hollywood has been rumored to be taking the lead in the "Alien" prequel and today it's Anne Hathaway. I think the producers are just getting drunk and looking at their DVD collection and randomly screaming out names. "'The Princess Diaries'! That movie changed my life, get me that girl. Oh god I just messed myself"

In Real People News: 

I don't even know how to explain this one so I'm just going to toss out some words. Man, panties, camera, military, creepy. You've been warned.

On this day in history: 

1977 - Three members of the rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd were killed in the crash of a chartered plane near McComb, Miss.

Horror Headlines: Friday October 8th, 2010

Dan Aykroyd delivered some positive news recently about the script writing process of the long awaited "Ghostbusters 3". Apparently him and the gang have created Bill Murry the "comic role of a lifetime". I'm guessing that means laser beam eyes that shoot seltzer water, because that would be crazy funny.

As if you needed another reason to visit Spanish Fort Alabama! "Halloween" will be showing in all its big screen glory for one night only along with a special Q&A session with Tony Moran (Michael Myers) and Brian Andrews (Tommy Doyle). So that's great news... for everyone in Spanish fort... Alabama.

William Peter Blatty and William Friedkin, the team behind "The Exorcist" are currently working on a new flick titled "Dimiter". The plot is full of large words that confused the hell out of me but you should know it's a supernatural thrill set in Jerusalem. I think there might be some split pea soup too.

Noomi Rapace of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" fame is apparently in talks to play a role in the upcoming "Alien" prequel. There's also about 70 other actresses in talks for the same role so I'm not sure if this is news or not. Let's go with yes because you're reading it. Sucka!

In Real People News: 

A group of German Catholics in Berlin are on the warpath to do away with Santa because they think he takes away from the true meaning of Christmas. There's nothing I can really say here that isn't going to be extremely offensive so I'm just going to let you put your own jokes together.

On this day in history: 

1974 – Franklin National Bank collapses due to fraud and mismanagement; at the time it is the largest bank failure in the history of the United States.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday April 27th, 2010

The 3-D craze has donned its leather jacket and pointed its motorcycle towards the ramp as Paramount Pictures has announced plans to make a new "Ring" movie, this time in 3-D. David Loucka has already been tapped to pen the script in what Paramount hopes is a reinvention of the franchise.

"Scream" scribe Kevin Williamson put to rest the rumors that Jamie Kennedy will be returning for "Scream IV". "We're not that universe where you can bring people back from the dead. That would be just a cheat." Good to see that there's still some integrity in Hollywood!

While not really news in and of its self, be sure to keep your eyes peeled for this sweet "Nightmare on Elm Street" popcorn bucket when you head out to catch the remake this weekend!

In a recent press junket for his latest feature "Robin Hood", director Ridley Scott let slip that the both of the upcoming "Alien" prequels will be released in 3D. If you're paying attention, you'll notice that I used the word 'both'. Scott also let it be known that he is planning on two prequels for the franchise.

"Machete" is no longer the only feature to spawn from the fake trailers shown in 2007's "Grindhouse". The next trailer to be stretched to full length will be "Hobo With a Shotgun" starring none other that Rutger Hauer.

In Real People News: 

Christina Cifaldi has a beef against Wal Mart's clothing lines as she has been arrested for $163 worth of clothes, taking them into the fitting room and urinating all over them. It was pretty easy for officials to deduce who the culprit was as Cifaldi had left her wallet and drivers license in the fitting room next to her stinky leavings.

A Brazilian woman decided to go for a drive after one too many drinks, and ended up causing the death of another woman and her unborn child. When the drunken 24 year old tried to leave the scene of the accident, a group of onlookers drug her from her car and shot her five times for her crime.

On this day in history: 

4977 BC - God creates the universe, according to calculations by mystic and part-time astronomer Johannes Kepler.

RIP Dan O'Bannon

Word came down today that prolific horror/scifi writer Dan O'bannon has passed away. One of his biggest successes was writing the screenplay for "Alien" (1978), but he's also well known to horror fans for writing and directing "Return of the Living Dead", "Life Force", "Dead and Buried" and "Total Recall", among others.

His contribution to the genre was undeniable. Check out his credits and see for yourself.

Horror Headlines: Friday July 31st, 2009

Before I woke up to write this, I was having a dream that Prince and I were on the run from Leather face. Even more disturbing, I woke up with a boner. What do you think that means?

Ridley Scott, one of the most overrated directors of all time—yeah, I said it—has signed on to direct the prequel to “Alien”. The original movie made him famous and allowed him to direct such “classics” as “Legend” and “White Squall”. Even though writer Jon Spaihts is currently writing the screenplay, I've used my crystal ball, nicknamed “common sense”, and read the screenplay already: spaceship encounters the alien, alien gets into the ducts, the lights go out, the spaceship's inhabitants are offed one by one and a lone woman survivor takes him down. There, I saved you $10, two hours and countless wasted high hopes.

HBO's “True Blood”, or, as it really should be called, “Twilight for Adults”, has been renewed for a third season. That's at least six more weeks of shower-nozzle masturbation fantasies for the ladies!!!

Geez, it's been a while since we've heard anything from director Uwe Boll, hasn't it? Boll, one of the most underrated directors of all time, and better than Ridley Scott—yeah, I said it—has a new film in the works called “Rampage”, that looks like a deadly serious version of “Postal”, and we all know how much I loved “Postal”. Still, with Boll doing original material, doesn't it make you wistful for the good ol' days when he was just doing one video game adaptation after another? If there was ever a director to make a movie called “Minesweeper”, it would have been him.

In Real People News: 

The robots have started their war against man, as witnessed in Sweden. The robot, used to lift heavy rocks, was inexplicably dressed as Yul Brenner in a cowboy outfit. That just seems like they are asking for trouble, if you ask me.

Google engineering “genius” Sasha Blair-Goldensohn was struck in the head by a rotting tree branch while strolling in Central Park, sending him into a coma. I looked up the term “dumb luck” on Google, and was immediately presented with a picture of two dragons screwing a muscle car. So thanks for all your work, Sasha!

According to a study by the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine, when you buy organic food, all you're doing is paying a higher price for the phrase “organic” . What the study failed to mention is that they're also paying for that smug sense of self-satisfaction as they are loading their eco-bags into their Prius. This, combined with the news that kombucha tea not only has no proven effects, but can also cause lead poisoning, and we'll have the Newell brothers back into women anyday now. Keep hope alive!

Thanks for joining me for this week's Fowler Friday! Until next week, keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars!!!

On this day in history: 

1969: The San Francisco Chronicle, the Examiner, and the Vallejo Times-Herald receive nearly identical letters from the Zodiac Killer. Specific details are given about recent murder scenes, along with the demand that a "cipher" be printed on on the front page of the papers.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday June 10th, 2009

Wes Craven expects a "Scream 4" script by August for him to peruse, although he's told the Weinstein's that he's not necessarily interested in directing, a gig which they would like him to take. At this point he's not even sure what the film's about, but writer Kevin Williamson has a whole new trilogy in mind, with Courtney Cox and David Arquette reprising their roles from the original series.

Eli Roth is considering directing the remake of "Funhouse". The funny thing is, he goes on and on about what he thinks was wrong with the first film and could be corrected in a remake, and I'm pretty sure he's talking about all the parts of that film I actually liked! Oh, Eli. Will our love/hate bromance ever stop?

In New York City and want to see some Japanese weirdness? Well here you go, on Friday, June 26th you can take in a screening of "Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl" at the New York Asian Film Festival. I'm not making any promises, but there is a hot Japanese school girl on the poster art, so at least they know their audience.

FOX isn't crazy about handing the reigns of the "Alien" franchise over to a rookie director (Carl Erick Rinsch), one who was hand-picked by Ridley Scott himself. Instead, rumor has it that they're trying to get Scott to commit to directing, which he hasn't seemed interested in up until this point. It's kind of funny they worry about the franchise NOW, after two pretty mediocre "Aliens vs Predator" films.

Next up on the remake block: The 1974 Hammer flick "The Legend of the 8 Golden Vampires". Any Hammer fans out there want to give their impressions of the original?

In Real People News: 

I had no idea Cocaine is being smuggled into the US through makeshift submarines. Those Colombians are crafty.

Explosion at a Slim Jim plant. Where will I get my over processed, vaguely tasty meat sticks?

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 28th, 2009

Wanna take your top off in "A Nightmare on Elm St."? They weren't interested in me, something about "not having huge fake tits". Ah well.

A dark version of "Snow White" sounds pretty awesome, although I'm guessing they won't have to try so hard to make it scary. Those old Disney films are still terrifying.

John Lithgow joins "Dexter"... as a serial killer. I'm nominating this for best story of the week, hands down.

"Sorority Row", the remake of the 1983 film "The House on Sorority Row", has been rated "R for strong bloody violence, language, some sexuality/nudity and some partying". So "partying" gets you an R rating these days? That's interesting.

"Alien" gets a remake, apparently shooting down any hope that it might get a 5th installment. Supposedly though, Michael Costigan, Ridley Scott and Tony Scott are all on board as producers, and have picked their own director. So I guess that's good news?

In Real People News: 

Interested in buying an old funeral home at auction? Would it entice you if I said that there are 4 dead bodies decomposing somewhere in the building that have been there for years? No? You drive a hard bargain, sir.

Understaffed health clinic in Prague offers free boob jobs to prospective doctors and nurses. Hmmm... that's certainly ONE way to go.

3 legged turtle uses Tonka Toy to get around. That should fulfill your warm and fuzzy quotient for the year. I promise to get back to scaring you tomorrow.

On this day in history: 

1946: Manhattan Project scientists Klaus Fuchs and John von Neumann file for a secret patent on their design for the hydrogen bomb initiator.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday April 28th, 2009

Megan Fox in a Corset on the set of "Jonah Hex". Yes please.

David R. Ellis to bring us "Humpty Dumpty". The new film by the "Final Destination 2" and "FD: Deathtrip 3D" director is about: "a half-human, half alien creature who embarks on a murderous rampage after his alien mother is abused by two rednecks in the deep South." Oh, it will also be in 3D, so there's that.

Ving Rhames gets cast in "Piranha 3D", pretty much ensuring at some point a fish will get blasted with a shotgun. Good times.

Ridley Scott considering a return to the "Alien" franchise? I suppose the chances are slim that he'd get a sequel greenlit, but even if it's a remake I suppose the original director is the one you'd want on board.

Evan Rachel Wood joins "True Blood", I start to think perhaps there's a reason I should be watching this show. Hmmmm....

The rest of the episodes of "Harper's Island" will run on Saturdays at 9:00pm on CBS. They've all but given up on the show being a ratings success, but since the episodes were already produced they figured they should let it run out. Saturdays are typically filled with reruns for most networks anyways, so there's no real loss for them shifting to that night. Apparently the show was going to be canceled outright, but it was significant DVR ratings that saved it from the ax.

In Real People News: 

I would imagine you have to really love someone in order to have dumpster sex with them. Now THAT'S passion.

Man cuts off finger and eats it to protest about unpaid wages. Methinks that might make it a little harder to do the job he's protesting about in the first place, no?

On this day in history: 

1945: Italian dictator Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci are captured by partisan fighters and executed.

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