Louis Fowler's blog

Dream a Little Dream: My Horror Hound Weekend Brush with Corey Haim

There were plenty of celebrities at the 2009 March Horrorhound Weekend. Many whose work I have loved for so many years: the leathery and grumpy gramps that is John Saxon; the still-boobtacular Adrienne Barbeau; the “must've ate some bad food and is feeling sick, wink wink” Jason Mewes; that one really fat guy who thinks he can pull off a Freddy costume...they were all there. And as much as I'd like to meet them all, to do so at a convention just feels so, well, informal. Professional. Impersonal.

But none of that mattered to Corey Haim.

FRIDAY THE 13TH: File 13!

FRIDAY THE 13TH
Starring Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti
Directed by Marcus Nispel
Paramount Pictures
Review by Louis Fowler

JASON SEXLESS!!!

JASON SEXLESS: The rise of Generation Lame and their effect on the future of horror, or the studios have abandoned you for a 15-year-old asshole.
by Louis Fowler

(Author's note: Yes, I know that F13 does have nudity in it. This isn't really about that as much as it is about the current state of horror and who the films are being marketed to. Got that?)

In a recent interview with a horror website, FRIDAY THE 13TH remake producer Brad Fuller said this about the movie that opens today:

DEATH RACERS: Jugga-don't!

DEATH RACERS
Starring Violent J, Shaggy 2 Dope, Raven
Directed by Roy Kynrin
The Asylum
Review by Louis Fowler

Rod, from Bookgasm, emailed me and said that he'd love to read what I had to say about DEATH RACERS, the latest “mockbuster” from the good folks at the Asylum. To be honest, I am always down for watching an Asylum rip-off, and, being a huge fan of the recent Jason Statham remake of DEATH RACE, I was dying to see how they would work it with their typical agenda of no stars and even less of a budget. To the top of my NetFlix queue you go, DEATH RACERS!

His Name Was Jason: A Second Look.

HIS NAME WAS JASON: 2-DISC SPLATTER EDITION
Documentary
Directed by Daniel Farrands
Anchor Bay Entertainment
Review by Louis Fowler

Smartly released to coincide with the upcoming big-budget re-imagining of the classic slasher film FRIDAY THE 13TH, the extensive documentary HIS NAME WAS JASON is the complete history of the former drowned mongoloid child and current zombified iconic killer Jason Voorhees. Without a doubt, it's the ultimate guide to the FRIDAY films and is seminal for both old fans who need a refresher course and new ones who need a primer fast.

Casper Van Dien Battles the Big Bug of Child Abuse!!!

I have long gone on record that I love the work of Casper Van Dien. I have long gone on record that I like Casper Van Dien not only as an actor, but as a person. He's always seemed affable enough and, if this is any proof, one socially-conscious fella.

Casper, as Johnny Rico from the lovable STARSHIP TROOPER flicks, pleads with humanity to not only fight the bug menace, but the menace of...wait for it...CHILD ABUSE! Yes! Score one for the Federation's out-reach program!

THE INSATIABLE IRONBABE: Avenginas...assemble!

THE INSATIABLE IRONBABE
Starring Darian Caine, Jackie Stevens, Kerri Taylor
Directed by John Bacchus
Seduction Cinema
Review by Louis Fowler

You know what IRON MAN was missing?

Well, to be honest, not much, but if you answered “full-blown simulated lesbian interludes”, then I guess you win, because IRON MAN was missing that in spades. It didn't didn't have any. Zero. You couldn't masturbate to it if you tried.

Psycho Kickboxer: Ain't that a kick in the head!

PSYCHO KICKBOXER
Starring Curtis Bush, Rod Suiter, Kim Reynolds
Directed by Mardy South
Shock-O-Rama Cinema
Review by Louis Fowler

Say No to Nick Cage PSA

Friends don't let friends watch Nick Cage movies.

Starship Troopers 3 Marauder

STARSHIP TROOPERS 3: MARAUDER
Starring Casper Van Dien, Jolene Blalock, Amanda Donohoe
Directed by Ed Neumeier
Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

Even though I was a huge fan of the original STARSHIP TROOPERS, I never saw the first direct-to-video sequel, mostly because of the lack of Casper Van Dien. Sorry, but if even Van Dien (AKA the greatest straight-to-video actor of our time) passes on a script, chances are its not worth wasting your time on—am I right MEGGIDO: OMEGA CODE 2?

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