Jon Schnaars's blog

The nominations are out, and they are... boring. Sorry, hate to be that guy, but looking down the list of this year's nominees there's not a whole lot to really get excited about.

Welcome to the official Bloody Good Horror Lost recap blog. What's that you say, everyone and their mother writes a Lost recap? Well guess what, this one is going to be EXTREME. So saddle up.

This past weekend — which established a new January record — Kevin James was the big winner. But in reality, we were all losers. Now, I could make some obvious joke at this juncture like, "Open a window, America just blarted," but why prolong our collective pain. Instead, I want to move onto the big story this weekend: "My Bloody Valentine's" Real-D premiere.

As the resident "guy who talks about the movie business," I have felt a little slack in my duties for not getting a 2008 year in review post up. But, with several factors conspiring against me, I'm taking a pass on the whole issue. Besides, it's already the middle of January, and around BGH, we look forward, not backward (and always, twirling, twirling, twirling toward freedom). So in that effort, I'd instead like to look at several box office trends related to horror that I'll be keeping an eye on throughout 2009.

Tucked inside the Arts section of this weekend's New York Times was a little story that caught my eye: "Universal Sells Rogue for $150 Million." As a connoisseur of fine cinema, the name Rogue Pictures immediately jumped out, as it might to you as well. The reason?

Unlike horror movies, horror writing -- be it novels, short fiction, or what have you -- doesn't really have a high powered hype machine to drive consumers to hot new content. In fact, if the part of the web devoted to championing obscure or independent horror movies is a Panzer tank, the part of the web that champions new or rising horror writers is something akin to a stroller full of recyclables being pushed by a decrepit homeless person.

Writing this past August in my review of "Mirrors," I linked the mystery and horror genres as structural siblings — literary kissing cousins, if you will. The overarching point was that in both types of film there's something hidden or unexplained that an inquisitive soul — who we could call the detective — tries to explore or explain away.

I had the chance to catch Argento's "Mother of Tears" on the big screen during its incredibly brief and limited theatrical run. Walking out into the sunlight, I basically just felt confused. For a theater going experience, "Tears" was almost too bad to be believed. And not just like, "Oh, that actress wasn't, you know, real" bad, but downright "Was the director high?" bad.

In the interest of some more prolonged horror discussion, I'm going to pass on this week's top 5. Bang it here if you want to see the box office numbers for the week. My brief assessment:

Winners: "HSM3," for maintaining the top spot; "Changeling," for widening with moderate success; "Chihuahuas," for straying relevant in week 5 of release; "Secret Life of Bees," for staying relevant in week 3, and "Max Payne" and "Eagle Eye" for making their investment back domestically.

The following sonnet, as we talked about on this week's podcast, was sent to the BGH main contact email by a longtime listener and friend of the show. Clearly, we have some erudite listeners.

Without any further ado, here's a poem by Changwa Steve.

How Schnaars Saved the Internet: An Ode to Fancy Jon

The internet's a sticky Stygian lair
Where seed through fierce grips is vainly spilt
While fleshy buttocks squirm in padded chairs
And crusty gymsocks mop away the guilt

And selfsame wankers turn with claws befouled
To forums where they air their fetid brains