Joe's blog

I have to admit, this entire time I thought Joe Dante’s “The Hole” was about… well, a hole. I thought kids find a hole in their house, they play in the hole and eventually grow tired of the hole. The hole gets sad that no one will play with it and eventually takes its own life. Sounds depressing, right? Well the newly released clip from the film which you can view below would lead me to believe that apparently the hole spits out all kinds of creepy things, including a scary ass little girl. I’m big enough to admit I was wrong.

With "Machete" finally seeing a release today and all the Grindhouse mania swinging into high gear it's time to take a look at the next fake trailer to make its way into full feature length film land. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls I submit for your approval, "Hobo With a Shotgun".

Next up on the movie list is the Eli Roth produced "The Last Exorcism". Can the film live up to the hype? We're still not sure but one thing we do know is Eric and Joe go to see the movie together and there's some awkward moments when they both reach for the popcorn.

"The most exciting Resident Evil film"? Pump the brakes Milla, don't go writing checks that your 3D ass can't cash. I just can't take the disappointment. But if she is right, and based on the fact that they got Ali Larter who was in 2009's underrated masterpiece "Obsessed", I think she might be, I very well might soil myself in the theater. I'm pretty sure I'm not even being sarcastic here.

A ridiculous amount of clips from "Machete" have found their way online and they're pretty much what you would expect. Lots of blood, lots of strippers and some serious bad acting. I mean all three of those things in the best way possible. Check them out below and look for "Machete" this Friday in theaters.

If you know me you know I am all about the artsy stuff and being classy. I've often been called the Lawrence Alloway of the art world. Look it up, it's funny trust me.

So when I saw the 4 poster series over at Family Free Design and Illustration I just went gaga. Each poster features a different monster with a fun adorable spin on the old myth that they're nothing but evil. The current set is selling out fast but a second series is rumored to be in the works so keep an eye out.

The clip you can view below is a UK exclusive trailer for the upcoming zombie action adventure superpower flick "The Horde". What that means is the clip was made for the UK audiences so in honor of that I'll now speak in the Brit's native language. You American's can go ahead and ignore the rest of the post, you won't understand it anyway.

In honer of the Spanish film "[Rec 2]" coming out on DVD and the original "[Rec]" hitting Blu-ray the good people behind the film have composed a witty little PSA called "In Case Of A Zombie Emergency". The clip teaches you everything you'd ever need to know when the zombie outbreak comes. And it's coming folks, you mark my words!

Bonus points to the markers putting this video in English for ignorant pricks like me. I appreciate it. Check out the clip below!

"Troll 2" came out almost twenty years ago and in honor of this a special edition Blu-Ray version of the film is being released. Every time I think about this I automatically ask myself one question, "why god?". I then immediately think about how excited I am to be able to add this awful masterpiece to my collection. Yes the movie is terrible and no there's no way that watching it on Blu-Ray, in all its hi-def glory is going to change any of that. But what can you do.

This weekend "Piranha 3D" helps to kick off the long line of theatrical releases we'll be watching over the next two months. And what a way to start it off. With promises of laughable CGI, ridiculous amounts of blood and more nudity than you can shake a stick at, who isn't excited about this? The Russians that's who, they hate everything that's fun.