Joe's blog

Do you play with dolls? Sure we all do, but most of us try to only do it in the privacy of our own homes or in certain underground clubs where a password is required and you normally end up in a ball gag. But now you can put your sick pastime to work for a greater good. Or if you’re more into animation or painting, that will work too.

Normally a day in the life of an Orc is filled with eating babies and digging in muck. But what do they do in their downtime? Perhaps join a bowling league or take a pottery class?

Apparently there is a group of people out there that are classified as mecaphiles. What’s a mecaphile you might ask? Well I’ll tell you and then good luck getting some z’s from now on! A mecaphile is someone who is so into a machine that he or she actually makes love to it. This means there are people out there getting busy with cars, planes, amusement park rides and even bridges. You think I’m shitting you but in the past week I’ve seen videos of different people who have discussed their intimate moments with each of those objects.

Who doesn’t love a good musical? Well, me for one, and I’ve always been a firm believer that any man who doesn’t hate their father shouldn’t either. But now I’m a little torn. Why you might ask? Well this week “The Toxic Avenger: The Musical” opened up for previews to the general public in New York City.

New Jersey has more diners then any other state, is second only to Maine in blueberry production and has the countries lowest depression rate. Oh and it's also the home to everyone’s favorite monster hero the Toxic Avenger. For that reason Nike has teamed up with NJ Skate Shop to create the SB Dunk Lows, the first shoe inspired by Troma's superhero.

To this day I still get excited when driving on the Long Island Expressway and I pass the sign for Amityville. The 1979 movie “The Amityville Horror” made the house at 112 Ocean Ave something like a local celebrity. When I was a kid those two front windows of the house frightened the crap out of me way more then Freddy or Jason could. From what I understand people still drive by the house and even stop to take a look and I don’t really blame them.

Times are tough my friends. Working in New York City I see people getting shit canned left and right and there’s no end in sight. So what’s a 41 year old Wall Street investment banker to do when he finds himself out on his ass? Write a script for a horror movie and get a freakin camera of course.

It’s that time of the month again folks. James Gunn has posted another installment in his “PG Porn” series. This one is titled “Helpful Bus” and features Craig Robinson from “The Office” and Sean Gunn from “Gilmore Girls”. I automatically love and hate this at the same time.

Every once in a while a film comes along that changes the way we look at the world today. Movies like “Citizen Kane”, “Gandhi”, “The Godfather” and now “BOOB”. The short film now showing at South by Southwest might possibly be the most important film ever made.

Picture if you will a new form of implant that allows women to enlarge their breasts at any given time. Sounds like a wonderland doesn’t it? Now picture what could happen if a surge of electricity accidentally brings that implant to life. What would happen? I'll tell you... all hell breaks loose my friends.

When I was a kid I use to sit and think about what would happen if some of my heroes battled it out for world domination. A few years back I got the answer when “Freddy Vs. Jason” came out. But now the question that has been on everyone's mind since the dawn of the cold war will finally be answered. What would happen if Stalin had to battle aliens? Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the first release by independent publishing label Mezmer Games, “Stalin vs. Martians”.