Joe's blog

Gory Workplace Safety Video

Luckily for me I work at a job where I can sit on my fat ass and look at a computer screen all day. It’s the American dream, really. Unfortunately, some people out there actually have to lift crap and use energy at their job. When the hell do they check their Gmail?

Don’t you think for a second that I don’t thank my lucky stars every night before I go to bed that I am not one of those people. I often wake up in a cold sweat from the nightmares I have about having to do physical labor.

"Smash Cut", More Pornstars in Horror

If there's a combo for a horror movie that will pretty much guarantee every fan is going to watch it, I would say it’s put a cult icon on screen with a porn star. That’s just putting two and two together, people. Well the producers behind “Smash Cut” are clearly aware of this formula, as they have put David Hess, star of “The Last House on the Left” and “Swamp Thing” alongside the star of “Finger Licking Good: Volume 5” and “House of Ass 3”, Sasha Grey.

Someone Please Explain "Obsessed" To Me!

For the past week now I’ve been seeing the trailer for this film “Obsessed”. No matter how many times I watch it I'm always surprised it doesn’t end with “coming this Tuesday to the Lifetime Network”. I don’t completely understand what the film is about but from what I can understand from the preview it goes something like this. Ali Larter, the blond stripper from Heroes totally tries to move in on Beyoncé’s man and she aint havin' none of that. A cat fight starts and Beyoncé’s ass destroys Larter... cue credits.

Then again you could go with IMDB’s descriptions.

Elisabeth Shue Signs On "Piranha 3-D", My Dreams

If I have one complained about “Leaving Las Vegas” it’s that the film wasn’t in 3-D. You see it’s the film that Elisabeth Shue warmed her way into my cold little heart and I always thought her hooker in love shtick would have come across a lot better in full blown 3-D. Sure some people will argue that she was adorable in “The Karate Kid” and “Adventures in Babysitting” but I say pish posh to that. Neither of those filmed featured a hooking Shue running around topless while a drunken Nicolas Cage drinks himself into oblivion.

AMC Launches B-Movie Classics

Second only to voting Bloody Good Horror their site of the week last year, the good people over at AMC have made their smartest move to date. They’ve launched BMC, or B-Movie Classics. Pretty clever huh?

Harper’s Island 1: “Wrap”

So last night Harper’s Island finally premiered on CBS after weeks of promotion. The station has been hyping up the 13 episode series pretty heavily during primetime and with the site Harpersglobe.com. It's essentially a slasher in miniseries form, something horror fans have been pretty excited about being on network television. The first episode pretty much did what you would expect it to do: Opened up the story and left you with a lot of questions.

"Frankenhood" Coming To DVD May 5th

There was an episode of Saturday Night Live once where Will Farrell is doing his impression of James Lipton and makes the comment about the film "A Troll in Central Park",

"It is like looking into the face of God and seeing Him smiling back and saying, "You are my most wondrous creation."

Gellar May Return As Buffy

Not a day has gone by where I haven't wrestled with the question of who was the better Buffy. While Kristy Swanson played the lead in the original “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” movie, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Sarah Michelle Gellar. And just to make this clear I have never been a fan of either the TV show or the Movie but I will always stop clicking through the channel when either are on. What can I say, I'm not a Buffy fan but I am a giant fan of hot women. While it may not be fare to compare apples to oranges the debate has always been there.

Dahmer vs. Gacy

Who would win in a fight between Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy?

New Wolfenstein Trailer Online

Before there was Call of Duty or Medal of Honor there was Castle Wolfenstein. The 1981 game that I spent hours playing on the Commodore 64 bares little resemblance to any of today's first person shooters but it did pave the way for the 1992 hit Wolfenstein 3-D. This game changed my life. Probably not for the better, since I spent most of that summer sitting in front of a computer killing Nazi’s and eating microwave corn dogs.

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