Joe's blog

That nutty Eminem, what won’t he do? I have to admit I’ve always had a soft spot for the angry little fella and his music. I even saw “8 Mile” opening weekend, but that’s mostly because my life is almost the same exact story. Minus the whole rapping and shooting guns thing.

At this point I’ve pretty much run out of James Gunn jokes about him doing nothing but PG Porn webisodes. A look at his IMDB page pretty much says it all, this guy is doing nothing but hanging out with porn stars. His latest installment is called “High Poon”. Get it? It’s a vagina reference. God I’m empty inside.

When I was just a young little lad I use to sit up at night and wonder “hey what ever happened to those two little scamps Hansel and Gretel?”. Much like everyone else I always assumed they turned to a life of drugs and prostitution. But Tommy Wirkola decided they most likely went another rout, they turned into witch hunters.

I’ve always been surprised that more astronauts haven't gone bat shit crazy after they get back on earth and they’re left to sit in their living rooms thinking about the sights they saw in space. Well luckily Edgar Mitchell who was part of the 1971 Apollo 14 moon mission is taking enough crazy pills to keep the entire NASA program hopped up.

If you’re going to make a movie about a severed penis that goes around killing the cast and crew of a porn film there is pretty much only one person you can have as your leading man. Louis Fowler. Wait no, Ron Jeremy.

Alright, here we go with Harper’s Island episode two. After last week’s opener we can finally hunker down and start to answer some questions. Of course the biggest one is “who’s doing all the killing on the island?” Well we still have 11 more episodes to go so I don’t see the answer to that being thrown out any time soon. But they did give good reasons why everybody could be our killer.

I’ve often said that you could just put a picture of Willem Dafoe on a movie screen for an hour and a half and it would be the most frightening film ever produced. Danish film maker Lars von Trier decided to actually have him act in his new film “Antichrist”, which had its trailer pop up online recently. Bold move my friend, bold move.

What does a horror fan do when he gets sick of waiting around for the big wigs over in Hollywood to get off their asses and actually make a film? Well he goes out and makes a trailer for a movie that isn’t even filming yet.

Luckily for me I work at a job where I can sit on my fat ass and look at a computer screen all day. It’s the American dream, really. Unfortunately, some people out there actually have to lift crap and use energy at their job. When the hell do they check their Gmail?

Don’t you think for a second that I don’t thank my lucky stars every night before I go to bed that I am not one of those people. I often wake up in a cold sweat from the nightmares I have about having to do physical labor.

If there's a combo for a horror movie that will pretty much guarantee every fan is going to watch it, I would say it’s put a cult icon on screen with a porn star. That’s just putting two and two together, people. Well the producers behind “Smash Cut” are clearly aware of this formula, as they have put David Hess, star of “The Last House on the Left” and “Swamp Thing” alongside the star of “Finger Licking Good: Volume 5” and “House of Ass 3”, Sasha Grey.