Joe's blog

That’s a crappy meatball! That’s what I assume all the Italian movie critics said after watching "In the Mouth of Ubaldo Terzani". I read the plot to the film three times before I gave up and just decided to make my own.

A guy hires another guy to make a movie based on some famous horror writer's book. So the guy moved in with the horror writer and then they start making out and blood shoots everywhere. That about covers it really. Oh and it's all in Italian and the lead actors name is Giuseppe. You can't make this stuff up!

If you watched Saturday Night Live this past weekend you were surprised by two things. First, it was actually pretty funny for the first time in over a year. Second, and probably more important, host Jon Hamm took part in a digital short where he played Sergio, a hulking saxophone player that would bust into the room and woo everyone in sight. The best part of this? Sergio bore a striking resemblance to everybody's favorite greased up saxophone player from "The Lost Boys".

I don't understand one word in the "Dead Rising" trailer, well other than when they say "Dead Rising" but the rest is completely lost on me. What I do know is that the film is based on the much loved video game and it'll be hitting Xbox 360's marketplace sometime in the near future. I have no idea what language the final product will be in but from the looks of things a terrible voiceover isn't really going to hurt anything.

I feel like I just ran down the stairs on Christmas morning and found nothing under the tree. That's how disappointed I am after watching the trailer for "The Booby Trapper". Maybe it's just me but when I read a title like that I expect to see some… well you know. But alas, I present to you what looks to be a decent low budget slasher film set in the woods, nothing more. There's a couple campers, a killer and a cop hell bent on finding the madman. All things that might make this a good film if it hadn't gotten my hopes up so high with a title like "The Booby Trapper".

You know what all those Guy Ritchie movies have been missing? Vampires! I know it seems pretty obvious now that you think about it but it didn't dawn on me until this morning when I saw the trailer for "Dead Cert". The film follows the turf war between a bunch of London gangsters and a group of snooty businessmen who also happen to be vampires. Vampires are this decade's yuppies apparently.

"Dead Cert" has been showing at random festivals around the country and should find it's way to DVD sometime in late 2010. You can check out the trailer below.

And here I was thinking Croatia's only export was strippers and mail order brides. Egg on my face, huh! Go ahead and throw weird black and white movies that baffle the crap out of me to the list. For example the movie "Vektor", which originally I thought was about graphic design. Turns out it's actually about a young priest who returns to his home after a climate changing nuclear blast has turned the whole place to crap. Sounds familiar I know but the good news I there's no zombies.

The whole "trying to make zombies funny thing" is getting a little old, but the people behind "ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction" are giving it another shot. Does it work? From the trailer below I'd say no but then again what do I know. The film focuses on a sleepy little town that is overrun by zombies after toxic gas is unleashed on the US by our overseas enemies. On the surface this should be freakin' hilarious, but take a look at the trailer below and decide for yourself.

"ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction" will be a part of next week's After Dark Horrorfest 4.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, the internet is the greatest thing to ever happen to anyone that's ever lived. Need proof? Below you can view an extra scene from the end credits of "Saw VI" that will be included on the Unrated Blu-Ray and DVD release next week. Oh Shawnee Smith you monotone little minx you. Hurry up and view it now though before the internet police break down our doors and rip it off the net. I think that's how that stuff works.

When I was in college if one of my professors grabbed me after class and asked me to take part in some special experience in his basement I wouldn't have exactly been excited, but that's just me. Apparently the makers of "Frankenstein Rising" are a little more trusting and open to creepy basement activities with older men. Then again from the trailer below it looks like the lead character probably should have taken my advice and avoided the whole helping his teacher bring a dead guy back to life thing. You can take a look at the trailer below and make your own judgment.

I've never really understood what "presented by" means in a movie but this Italian zombie flick is "Presented by Uwe Boll". Which kind of got me excited because the film doesn't look half bad and everything is in Italian so you can't tell if the acting is awful or not. Pluses all around. Sure the plot isn't the most original, a couple of guys trying to solve the mystery of why the rest of the world has been turned into zombies, but hey like I said it's "Presented by Uwe Boll".