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Best of 2013 - Joe's Take

Top 10

10. American Mary
You had me at “stripper”.

9. World War Z
Was it true to the book? Was it better than the book? Did it stay true to the book? I have no idea, I never read the book. Brad Freakin' Pitt folks. All your arguments are negated by those two pools of fantasy we call eyes.

Videos: Teddy Has An Operation

I have no idea what to say about this but I think I love it.

Music Video: Hatebreed "Put It To The Torch"

Hatebreed is a ridiculous band. Every song sounds the same and the lead singer is probably in his early 40's now and still screaming about injustice or being confident in yourself or something I don't really understand coming from a middle class white guy from Connecticut. Don't get me wrong I own every one of their albums and like to rock out from time to time but still. It's just silly.

Trailer: The Red Band "Evil Dead" Trailer Is Here

I've been optimistic about the "Evil Dead" remake and now that this red band trailer has hit the tubes I will go on record as saying I am actually excited. I mean not jump up and down excited, but a "well, that looks like it might be good" kind of excited. So I guess that's not really excited at all, is it? Anyway, it kind of made me go in my pants a little bit because Jane Levy, the film's star, is kind of scary as hell in it. She also has weird stumpy arms. But that's in real life so we shouldn't talk about it because it's rude.

"Evil Dead" hits theaters on April 12th.

Trailer: "Scary movie 5"

It might just be the Holiday spirit still rattling around in my brain. It might also be the 6 pack of Reese's peanut butter cups I just polished off for breakfast but damn it all to hell if I didn't laugh a few times at the first trailer for "Scary Movie 5". Yes it's a dead horse being beat with a whoopee cushion and yes the films they're mocking are all over a few years old but come on. Lindsay Lohan makes a showing! And Heather Locklear is in it. Nothing bad ever happens when Heather Locklear is around. That's a fact.

The Metal Albums of 2012: Joe's Take

Now that I'm an old man I find I have less and less time to check out new bands. Luckily this year though a lot of bands I've been a fan of for a long time put out new albums. Of my top 10 there's only one band on this list that I had never owned an album from before. Try to guess which one it is. Let's make a game out of it.

The Top 10

10. Unsane - "Wreck"

Trailer: "World War Z" Is Still Happen? Egg On My Face.

I had pretty much lost track of “World War Z”, the big screen adaptation of Max Brooks’ 2006 zombies take over the world novel but I was 75% sure the filming site had blown up, Brad Pitt had walked off the set and the 14th director got run over by a car. Turns out I’m wrong because today there’s a trailer for the flick and much to my surprise it looks pretty sweet, despite not really showing much in the way of zombies. Let’s be honest though, 2 hours of Brad Pitt doing his taxes would look pretty sweet. The guy lights up the screen, that’s all I’m saying.

Music Video: Pig Destroyer "The Diplomat"

Pig Destroyer are an acquired taste. I’m not going to lie, the first time I heard their 2001 album “Prowler in the Yard” I had a headache for 3 days. But over time I’ve grown to love them. A dedication they’ve decided to reward with playing Brooklyn for the first time in I don’t know how many years just 2 weeks after I move half way across the country. Thanks guys.

Trailer: "Paranormal Activity 4"

The trailer for the fourth installment of the "Paranormal Activity" franchise has hit the tubes and once again I have a clenched butthole. It's the same film you've seen 3 times already but this time they use webcams. Maybe I'm a moron but I still get a clenched butthole when I watch this crap. Not to mention the little kid walking around holding Katie's hand looks about the same size as my daughter. So now I don't trust her either. I don't trust anyone.

"Paranormal Activity 4" hits theaters on October 16th.

Music Video: Every Time I Die "I Suck (Blood)"

I'm all giddy as a lamb to see Every Time I Die getting back to their punching in the face style of music that made me all a flutter back on their 2003 album "Hot Damn!". Case in point the new video for "I Suck (Blood)" off of their new album "Ex Lives" which was released back in March. It's got all kinds of creepy stalking, blood and even some weird make out sessions. It's kind of the greatest video to ever be released this week.

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