El Diaro Del Macho Borracho

Old school like Aztecs but new in other aspects: horror, video games, wrestling, culture, and nonsense. Also, this is the place to check for new features/updates on the tech side of Bloody Good Horror.

Home ›

Two-Word Mega Man 9 Review

mark's picture
Submitted by mark on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 03:11.
mm9.jpg

FUCK YOU!

In true "10 Things I Hate About You" fashion, I have a series of "fuck you's" that sum up my feelings about the recently released old-school throwback Mega Man 9.

Fuck you for reintroducing the spikey ball of instant death back into my life. Your newest game has ushered in the return of the bane of my gaming childhood: sudden, instant death. With no save points (save for a somewhat merciful start over if you make it past mid-level), and finite continues, I would take my time approaching the spiked pits, only to have a sudden knee jerk reaction throw me to instant obliteration. The first time I saw those goddamn spiked balls on the screen again I nearly broke out in a sweat!

Fuck you for re-redefining my concept of "spending time" on a game. "Progress" according to Capcom circa 1988 was making it to one more screen further, only to find out that you were totally "effed in the a" if you had played the bosses in the wrong order. Don't have the water gun for the fire boss? TOO FUCKING BAD. I hope you've got an extra Capri Sun in the fridge, because you are not moving a muscle, squirt! I'd like to think that in my semi-adulthood my gaming pursuits would be more of the learning, developing, experiencing type, not the "jump, miss, die, repeat" type. Maybe I'm a simpler creature than I thought.

And lastly, fuck you for making me want to be a kid again so badly. The reality of the situation is, Mega Man 9 is an awesome, awesome game in the same way that Mega Man 2 was an awesome, awesome game. Of course it's hard and unforgiving, but isn't that why we love it? Every game I've played in the last 10 years I've beaten with varying degrees of ease. I still haven't beaten Punch Out! or Zelda for the original NES, and therefore, will always be a kid in some way. Having that hanging over my head lends even more mystique to the Mega Man 9'ish throwbacks of the world. Trying endlessly to make that jump just right without dying was an integral part of my childhood, and despite my complaining, I'll be damned if I didn't squeal a little bit (at least on the inside) at every ball-grating moment of it.

I hate you Mega Man 9, but I also love you, very very much.

Eric's picture

Brillaint

Submitted by Eric on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 11:26.

Brilliant review, and I second your 'fuck you' to the spikey balls of instant death.

Giant Bomb posted a hilarious video which was just 9 minutes of one of their writers trying to play the game, screaming FUCK over and over and trying his best not to throw the controller old school style.

I wonder how many kids downloaded this game and were like "fuck this, games sucked back in the day".

There's a reason why I have MegaMan 2 on my phone though, because it's freaking awesome, and this sounds like more on the same. That doesn't mean I'm going to subject myself to the frustration though, looks like you did enough of that for all of us!

peloquin's picture

I really want this, in fact

Submitted by peloquin on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 11:52.

I really want this, in fact I may actually buy some MS Points, something Ive always been against, to get it.

Ive been playing through the megaman series recently using a combination of my old NES/SNES and emulators. I love these games and Megaman 2 is definately the best, although X on the SNES is probably a close second.

www.myspace.com/devil2pay

Mr. Hex's picture

I Can't Wait To Give 9 A Go

Submitted by Mr. Hex on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 12:09.

I love me some Mega Man. Hell, I even bought the soundtrack. 8-bit Beeps and boops have never sounded so good.

joeycnews's picture

Awsome review

Submitted by joeycnews on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 13:28.

yeah I'm going to need to get this but I'm not sure if Mega Man will have the same effect on me when it isn't being played in your basement.

mark's picture

haha seriously. Just wait

Submitted by mark on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 13:43.

haha seriously. Just wait until someone decides to make a new Punch Out! or Battletoads game.

joeycnews's picture

If they can remake

Submitted by joeycnews on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 13:57.

The original Ninja Turtles game I'll be at your parents house in a few hours.

Big Winters's picture

Yep, Im defiently getting a

Submitted by Big Winters on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 14:37.

Yep, Im defiently getting a PS3 now.

Yes i put 'i hope this gets into the bloody good horror podcast' in google.

Jon's picture

I honestly teared up

Submitted by Jon on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 15:16.

Mega Man 2 was the defining game of my NES life, and X1 was probably my 3rd favorite game on the SNES (X2 was also quite good), so this post had me a little verklempt. I'd heard that there was a new throw back coming out, and why not? It's a brilliant concept, and platformers don't get much better. I bought one of the DS Mega Mans not to long ago, just to see what it was like. There were some of the old, good stuff in there, but mostly it had an emo-ish cyberpunk feeling, and that's just not cool. And don't even ask me how Mega Man can be emo, it would take to long to explain.

Prisoner Abel's picture

Emo Mega Man

Submitted by Prisoner Abel on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 16:03.

Mega Man went Emo when they gave him long black hair on the N64.

http://www.toysnjoys.com/n64/megaman64.jpg

"I like it when they lie still like that."

Mr. Hex's picture

My Favorite Mega Man Game Is Probably V

Submitted by Mr. Hex on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 23:35.

That's the one with Star Man, Wave Man, Charge Man, etc, right? The farthest I ever got was the LAST last boss.