First look at "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter", IN SLOW MOTION

Can we just take a moment together to recognize the absurdity of this CBS This Morning piece? Only they could turn a movie about Lincoln hunting vampires into a stodgy interview with a historian. And yet, I still love it. Did you know they still have Lincoln's hat in a vault somewhere? Man, history is neat.

Anyway, there's a bunch of footage sprinkled throughout and I'm happy to say it features gratuitous slow motion, almost exclusively. Fox is aiming for a June release at this point. If they don't lock that down soon my head might explode.

Snapshots: Just what I need, more Jason...

Thanks NECA, I was just thinking I needed more ways to convince my co-workers I'm a creepy weirdo. Now you give me this. Clearly I have no choice... This replica from "The Final Chapter" just debuted at the Toy Fair, so it's not on store shelves yet. Be patient my friend, be patient...

Horror Headlines: Monday, February 13th, 2012

Hey did you watch The Grammy's last night? I didn't But I did take time to view some of the red carpet fashions and if you're wondering these are my scores. B+, C, D-, B-, C, C, F, and F. Yeah I know, I hate Adele too. Especially after reading her tour rider which stated "North American beer is not acceptable". Apparently she only accepts the "best quality European lager beers" like Stella and Peroni to wash her bite size Twix bars down her giant gullet. More for me, Adele! More for me!

Just to confirm a discussion we never had, Ridley Scott has been confirmed to be taking the directing role for "The Counselor". Written by Cormac McCarthy, the film follows a respected lawyer who tries his hand at the drug game... with sexy results. Wait no, terrible, not sexy. Not sexy at all.

If you're looking for more "The Evil Dead" casting news then this is going to be the best Monday of your life. Looks like Lou Taylor Pucci, who I don't know but only hate 1/3 of his name, is in talks to join the reboot. Lou would play a young smarty pants who's curiosity gets the gang into trouble. Whatever the hell that means. Pucci is the part of the name I hate in case you're wondering.

Looks like Universal is circling first time director Gary Shore to take on their new film "Dracula Year Zero". Russell Crowe is in talks to star in the film that tells the original story of Vlad the Impaler and how he eventually was turned into the character that Bram Stoker based is classic character on. Not really fair to pick a first time director. How am I suppose to make stupid comments about a guy I don't know? I bet he wears stupid hats.

Remember 2009's "Legion" about an Angel who comes down from the heavens to save the world? Well Syfy is working on a show based on the film. Cause ya know, everyone loved it. Alright I loved it. I can't even be sarcastic about how much I love it. An old lady swears a lot. How can you not love that?

In Real People News: 

I know I write that these stories make me laugh a lot but this one really did make me laugh out loud. A Kentucky mother punched her 10 year old son in the face during an anger management session. Try to read that without chuckling. It's impossible.

This story about a 40 year old in Ohio who tossed his kid into a dryer as punishment isn't as funny though. Unless you're a real sicko. Then feel free to laugh away in hell.

Album Review: Cocaine Mustache - "On the Mirror"

Cocaine Mustache is a hard partying, devil may care, free spirited rock and roll band bordering on metal and high on amps and distortion. The band endeavors to bring the listener a brand of music that is dirty and unrefined; party music for the sake of party music. Despite being a one-speed album, their effort “On the Mirror” is not a flank speed ahead affair. Rather, it is an album designed to plod forward at a sludgy pace, and makes up the difference in speed for size, appearing gigantic and impending over the horizon.

Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives (REVIEW)

Today it seems that notions of distinct national cinemas are becoming increasingly difficult to argue for. I do not mean to say that particular narratives and cultural contexts are disappearing nor are they ceasing to inform particular film cultures. Rather, I am thinking more along the lines of how certain cinematic techniques for conveying information to us are becoming less divergent across filmmaking communities. Over generalizing blanket statements? Absolutely.

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