Baseball isn't boring when Sadako shows up...

Just scary.

If you're familiar with the movie Ringu, then you know who Sadako is: The creepy girl with the long hair hanging in her face, whose jerky movements hypnotize her victims as she climbs out of the TV, shadows & nightmares. Yup, that's her. I've always had a lot of fun since she came into creation; if I hang my head just like her, my long hair does the same thing and hangs in my face. All you have to do is stand in a darkened corner of the house and wait for the fun to start!

Horror Headlines: Thursday, April 26th, 2011

During my senior year of High School there was about a 2 week period where branding was all the rage. When I say branding I mean heating up a chunk of metal and permanently scarring yourself with some sort of clever symbol like a shamrock or letter. The point here is that I have scarred two people for life and if anyone wants to be number three I'll be more than happy to tag you with a white hot coat hanger at Horror Hound Weekend this coming September. Book your hotel room now.

Sometimes I lie awake at night worried about Andrea Riseborough. She's so pale and looks so sickly. Is she ok!? Someone please help her! I might be able to sleep a little better now though since she's been cast opposite Alexander Skarsgard in the new virus outbreak flick "Hidden". The movie focuses on a family who's hiding out in a bomb shelter after a strange virus starts to spread across the land. Please Andrea, use the money from this to get yourself some McNuggets. It may be your only hope.

If you've read "Blood Of Eden" then there's a good chance you're a 14 year old girl. Or you're on some sort of police watch list. Either way I guess you can get your Hello Kitty lunch box ready because Palomar Pictures has picked up the rights to the young adult vampire novel with plans to bring it to the big screen. In all fairness the book sounds a lot darker than the "Twilight" stuff but I'm still going to mock you. I really don't have anything else.

Do you like Frankenstein? Do you like found footage? Do you look vintage German pornography? Then you're going to love "The Reawakening" a new found footage Frankenstein retelling short that will be a part of the upcoming anthology film "V/H/S". Alright the whole German porn thing isn't really a part of this but it really drives site traffic so let's just let that slide.

Excited about the new Judge Dredd flick simply titled "Dredd"? No? What if I was to tell you that the film which is currently set for a late summer release has earned itself a PG-13 rating? Still no!? What if I told you Rob Schneider is in no way attached to the film. Alright now I got you a little bit right?

In Real People News: 

I've had some serious road rage in my day but never to the point where I shot off a flare gun in my own car. But then again I'm not from New Hampshire. Not that only people from New Hampshire do that sort of thing. Or maybe they do. That godless land is a mystery to me.

You have to applaud this Philadelphia man for his non-stop dedication in catching a local vandal who has slashed more than 55 tires in his neighborhood. You have to applaud him because he organized neighborhood watches, spoke to local papers and pretty much lead the charge to bring down the criminal when in fact he was the one slashing the tires. He also at one point tricked his neighbors into donating enough money to pay for his entire wedding. He's kind of a genius.

Album Review: Trioscapes - Separate Realities

What does a progressive metalcore musician do with their down time? For most, the answer is to start another death metal band and continue making and playing their favorite style of music for as long as they can. Band-hopping and side-projects are not a new thing, nor a bad thing, and they aren't going away anytime soon. They don't often hold the kind of interest they should, because they rarely extend beyond being a continuation of the artists' main project.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, April 25th, 2011

This weather is killing me. One week we're complaining about the heat and the next we're bitching about the cold. Next week I bet we'll be all up in arms about how comfortable the temperature is. I'm so lost.

The folks over at Warner Bros, or The WB as we call it in da hood, have wrapped their well manicured hands around a new futuristic action flick currently titled "Law Zero". Bruno Zacarias and Miguel de Olaso are the masterminds behind the concept and are ready to roll on production.I have no idea who those two guys are but they sound Al sol que más caliente. I have no idea what that means either. I just found it on Google.

If I had to rank the Wilson brothers in order I would for sure put Owen in the top 5. And apparently the Dowdle brothers, who brought us "Quarantine", feel the same way because he's rumored to be taking the lead in their next film which is titled "The Coup". The movie is about a American family who find themselves caught in the middle of a coup trying to escape with only their wit and the talents of their adorable talking dog, Marmaduke. I might have that last part wrong.

The big screen adaptation of Alan Robert's graphic novel "Crawl To Me" has found itself a pair of writers in the form of David White and T.J. Cimfel. The book tells the tale of a family living in an isolated country during a harsh winter that makes them question their relationship and their existence. Some of you might know Alan Robert as the bassist of the band Life Of Agony. I mention that only because their lead singer decided he wanted to be a woman and now looks hideous and I think that's hysterical.

Ray Stevenson has signed on for the next season of "Dexter", playing the leader of a Russian organized crime syndicate. Stevenson previously graced the tiny screen with his role of Titus Pullo on "Rome" and i freakin loved that show. I didn't understand 75% of it but I loved it none the less.

In Real People News: 

In case you were wondering, you can be kicked out of a Legoland store for having a tattoo of a naked Tinkerbell turning on a light switch with her lady bits visible on your leg. Just something to keep in mind.

No jokes here folks. A man was killed yesterday at the Redhook Ale Brewery in New Hampshire after a keg exploded. I know what you're expecting here. Asshole Joe to make some joke about how it's a tragedy that all that beer was lost. But I'm not going to. He was cleaning the kegs when it exploded, there wasn't any beer in it. See, I'm not a monster.

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