Horror Headlines: Monday, May 14th, 2011

Neil Marshall, our friend who directed "The Descent", has been tapped to take the wheel on "The Last Voyage Of Demeter". The film tells the story the ship and crew that transported Dracula from Transylvania to London as told by the lone survivor of the voyage. I don't want to spoil anything... but scurvy.

Julianne Moore has been confirmed to be playing the nutso mother in the upcoming "Carrie" remake. Which is fun because she seems so nice so I kind of feel like even if she locked me in a closet for hours on end I wouldn't be so mad at her. Like those stupid Sour Patch Kids commercials. Awww she whipped me with a ruler but now she's making me pancakes.

Heather Graham and Carrie-Anne Moss have been tapped for roles in a new film titled "Compulsion". The flick is a remake of a South Korean horror-comedy about two women who live next to each other and realize one is on a hefty bad luck streak while the other is finding herself overflowing with good luck. I assume Heather Graham will have the good luck because she's never made out with Keanu Reeves.

Michelle Monaghan who looks like a solid D cup has joined Owen Wilson and Pierce Brosnan in the cast of "The Coup", a new film about a family stuck in Southeast Asia during a coup. Maybe a large B actually. I don't know, they do amazing things with push up technology these days.

In Real People News: 

Fishermen in Germany are blaming swimmers who pee in their local pond for the 500 plus fish they found dead recently. Even I'm not that much of a monster to make the joke you're thinking of.

A Pennsylvania woman beat the holy living hell out of her husband during a fight over his facial hair. Which is funny because now he's probably going to go nuts when she doesn't clean. And the cycle will begin anew.

George Romero's Book, "The Living Dead: The Beginning" drops this summer

We all know and love him as the grandfather of the zombie genre, and in typical grandfather fashion, George Romero is letting us know he’s still around and we should give him a call. Set to be released on July 1st, 2012, Romero has penned his first solo book: "The Living Dead: The Beginning." If you want to check it out, it's available for preorder with all major book dealers.

Album Review: DZ Deathrays - "Bloodstreams"

An awful lot of noise. That’s the first gut reaction to “Bloodstreams,” the new full-length album from Australian do-it-all duo DZ Deathrays. For just two people, this is a full-bore effort, ripped from the core of punk’s heart and rock and roll’s soul.

Episode 205 - "Monster Brawl"

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It's a movie about wrestling and monsters, what could go wrong? Turns out, plenty...

Purchase this Back Episode $0.99

Horror Headlines: Friday, May 11th, 2011

Sunday is Mother's Day. You're welcome for the reminder you thoughtless prick.

I've still got Chloe Moretz fever. I say still because I'm pretty sure I've used this joke before and I know you jag-offs at home are keeping score so I wanted to play it safe. The news here though is that Moretz is in talks with Inferno Entertainment to play a zombie in their new film "Maggie". The film follows Maggie's 6 month transformation into a zombie and will be awesome. Unless Dakota Fanning somehow ends up playing the role. That would blow.

You had me at "From the producer of 'The Crow'". That's sarcasm by the way, I don't want you to ever mistake my sarcasm as love for "The Crow". When I was in High School I was on the football team and there was this prick Marty who painted his face like the Crow before a game. I will hate that kid till the day I die for that reason alone. Well his odd passion for country music too but mostly the crow thing. My point is Edward R. Pressman is working on an adaptation of the graphic novel "Feeding Ground".

"'The Raid' WILL EXPLODE IN OVER 280 CINEMAS ACROSS THE UK & IRELAND ON 18 MAY". I don't care how old I get saying something will "explode" will always make me chuckle. Think about it. Ya know... like when a man... NEVERMIND! But the rumors are true, the little movie that could about a lone cop left standing after a drug raid will be hitting selected theaters this month for your viewing pleasure. Unless of course you're in the US. Then you get no pleasure.

The guys who wrote a bunch of those "Not Another..." movies are now writing a spoof of "The Hunger Games" called "The Starving Games". I don't think I can do this anymore.

In Real People News: 

Here's a story about a group of 6th grade boys down in Mexico that made a gay porn in one of their classrooms. Congratulations Mexico, you're come up with the most disturbing story I've ever read.

A Florida man, I know shocking, decided to stab his computer with a Samurai sword as police raided is house looking for child pornography. Yes there's no way that this will erase anything from his hard drive but you got to admire his style. Ya know, as much as you can admire a guy who's downloading kiddie porn.

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