Horror Headlines: Thursday, May 24th, 2012

Looks like the good folks at Sony have decided to pick up the rights to "Predestination", a new sci-fi flick from The Spierig Brothers. The film is based on Robert A. Heinlein short story "All you Zombies" and focuses on a secret government group that sends people back in time to prevent terrorist attacks. Maybe they can go back and stop the whole Ska thing in the 90's too. Am I right?

Last week Tom Hardy said that "Mad max: Fury Road" wasn't going to be happening any time soon. But today Charlize Theron is saying that the film going into production next week. I don't know who to believe. Both of them are super hot. But in every interview Charlize Theron has annoyed the crap out of me. On the other hand Tom Hardy is a man with a penis. I'm really on the fence here.

Josh Trank made big waves with his "nobody will hug me and now I have super powers" film "Chronicle" so hopes are high now that he's been given the director role on the upcoming film adaptation of the classic video game "Shadow of the Colossus". The game tells the tale of a young chap who sets out to bring his one true love back to life by battling giant creatures who hold the power to revive her. It sounds insane but the game was awesome. Trust me. I'd never lie to you.

Word around the locker room is Mr. Gary Oldman has signed on to play the scientist who creates the great robot cop in the upcoming remake of "Robocop". Are you excited? I am.... I've run out of stupid crap to say.

In Real People News: 

Don't you dare let your kid talk during "Titanic" or this guy in Seattle will lose his shit and knock out their tooth. He'll go to jail after but still, no tooth. All the kids at school will laugh.

I have no idea whether the penis tug is actually a Kung Fu move but even if it is you sure as hell can't teach it or you'll get locked up like this old guy in New York. It can't be can it? What would be the use of something like that?

My 9 Most Anticipated Horror Films of the Summer

Logan Marshall-Green, Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Prometheus

Summer movie season is here in all it's popcorn filled glory. Though as fun and indulgent as this time of year is for film fans, it can often leave horror fans wanting. Yet a strong set of films is on the horizon that should keep genre fans relatively happy throughout their summer break. So without further ado here are the 9 Most Anticipated Summer Genre Films.


9. Piranha 3DD


Date: June 1
Director: John Gulager

Album Review: Miseration - "Tragedy Has Spoken"

Miseration's new album "Tragedy Has Spoken" makes me feel like the old cop in a Frankie Avalon movie who pulls over the young feller in his new red convertible GTO and gives him a stern but fatherly warning: "Whoa, where's the fire? Slow down, son, you'll get yourself hurt, and then you can't go to the beach party with your combustion engines and your rock music and your make-out parties." I think we may have gotten off on a tangent there, but you get the idea.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

Ray Stevenson, star of "Iron Eagle" 1 through 37 has been added to the cast of the next season of "Dexter". He'll play an owner a local strip club that is linked to a murder. The point here is there's a good chance there's going to be a lot of boobies.

I don't read horror comics because I only read on the bus and I'm embarrassed to be looking at silly picture books while someone is sitting next to me. Are you glad I told you that? The point is I've never read "Shambler" so I have no feelings about Bob Layton and David Michelinie being picked up to help adapt the comic about a scientist who finds a way to reanimate dead tissue for the big screen. I also don't like to read books with sex in them just in case someone is reading over my shoulder. Get to know me.

Lin Shaye, the gal who played Roy's landlord in "Kingpin", has been added to the cast of the new series "Hell Hunters". Bill Moseley and Michael Berryman are already a part of the show which follows a boy who adapts the powers of a comic book hero and hunts down scum. What's scum? Well Tom, that's bad types. Politicians, bankers, cattle-kings... Scum.... That's a "Young Guns 2" reference. You probably already knew that though.

One comic I have actually read is "Lobo" and now that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is rumored to be taking on the role of the painted one for a big screen adaptation I am its biggest fan. Unless of course if it doesn't actually happen. Then I'm just a guy who read 3 or 4 issues when he was 12 again.

In Real People News: 

So apparently it's illegal to tie someone to a tree and pelt them with eggs and beer. I'm sorry we did that to you in High School, Aron. Please accept my apology and refrain from calling the police. Although you were really wasted and may not even remember who did it. So if that's the case just ignore this whole thing.

Kids will find a way to turn anything into a crack pipe. Like your average inhaler for instance. This kid in Florida did not do that though, he just had asthma, but that didn't stop the school from confiscating his inhaler and refusing to give it back to him as he collapsed due to lack of oxygen. The war on drugs will have many casualties.

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