Album Review: Cancer Bats - "Dead Set on Living"

The time-tested axiom holds that a person, by proxy a leopard, cannot change his or her spots. The jaws of this seemingly ironclad tenet have firmly clenched themselves around the world of music, backed up by a fervent fan base who reliably and predictably ridicules a band that attempts to do so.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, April 19th, 2011

Jamie King kind of looks like a grown up Emma Stone yet for some strange reason I don't dislike her. I don't care how long ago that "Superbad" movie came out I will hate everyone who was in it till the day I die. I'm telling you all this because King has been confirmed to be joining the cast of the upcoming "Silent Night" remake. I have no problem with that either. So just to keep track I dislike everyone from "Superbad", have no problem with King or the remake, and the news is still very much incoherent.

Rupert Wyatt, the cat that brought us "Rise of the Planet Of the Apes" is teaming up with Charlize Theron for a new sci-fi flick titled "Agent 13". The plot of the film is currently under wraps but I can tell you that I dislike every person in this post. I mean I use to like Charlize Theron but then I saw her on Letterman and it turns out she's really annoying and kind of a prick. So now I don't. I've said too much now.

Well suck me dry and call me dusty because it looks like "Silent Hill: Revelation 3D" is getting a wide theatrical release on October 26, 2012 thanks (?) to the good people at Open Road Films. I've never seen the first "Silent Hill" movie so I have no opinion on it. Let's just say I dislike it though for consistency.

Because there isn't enough sex appeal in today's news here's the trailer for "Robin Hood - Ghosts of Sherwood 3D" which stars Kane Hodder and Tom Savini. Try to guess which one plays Robin Hood. Just try. Here's a hint, he should have done the role in a speedo. Tick tock mutha trucka.

In Real People News: 

Wait it's illegal to spray paint a dog's face now? Man what fun CAN you have these days?

Yup, it's a story about a man who attacked his wife with a box of Cheez-It crackers and yup it happened in Florida. I know I've used this joke before. It's still funny.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, April 17th, 2011

It looks like we are officially done bitching about the cold and have jumped right into complaining about the heat. Anyone who's ever said they don't want to move to an area with a warm climate because they'd "miss the seasons" should be punched in the throat.

I've always been a fan of the term "Heebie-Jeebies". It's just a lot of fun to say, hear, and read. Try it yourself. I'll wait. Fun, right? Trent Haaga on the other hand I could take or leave. He created the much discussed "Deadgirl" and has lined up a new film about a small town that comes under attack by a strange monster. The title is "Heebie-Jeebies". I kind of thought that was implied.

Hollywood hot dog (I don't know what that means) Ridley Scott has dropped the bomb that the version of "Prometheus" we will see and enjoy on June 8th will indeed be a director's cut and be edited from his original version. He then goes on to explain that this pretty much happens in every movie ever made and that it's not really a big deal. I'm sorry this is the worst news item I've ever posted.

Jared Harris, who plays the saucy Britt on "Mad Men" has been cast in the upcoming Hammer Horror flick "The Quiet Ones". Harris will play a professor who leads his students in a dangerous experiment trying to produce a poltergeist. Based on the title of the film I assume there are no spoken words. Should be exciting.

"Well, it's a possibility". That's what Bill Murray said in a recent interview when questioned about "Ghostbusters 3". Move along now.

In Real People News: 

Leaving your child in the car so you can go into a bar and apply for a job is pretty bad but I think people can sort of understand if you're looking to support the little toddler. Staying after you apply to do shots though, people are going to be kind of pricks about that whole thing.

Headless chickens in Central Park? Possibly a voodoo ritual? If they're making "The Serpent and the Rainbow" into a musical I'm moving out of the tri-state area.

Snapshot: "The Moth Diaries" (2011)

Rebecca is a young boarding school student whose close friendship with the popular Lucy is shattered upon the arrival of creepy new student Ernessa (played by Lily Cole, pictured above). Rebecca starts to suspect that Ernessa is a vampire and Lucy is falling under her spell. The movie, which is based on a 2002 novel by Rachel Klein, is directed by none other than Mary Harron of "American Psycho" fame. "The Moth Diaries" is set to hit theaters May 17, 2012 and is currently available on Video on Demand.

Dead Weight (REVIEW)

A group of haggard looking nomads shuffle across a half frozen field as grey snow spits out of the overcast sky. Makeshift winter clothes barely conceal the frigid exterior as their breath steams from their panting mouths. Their packs sag with wear and tear rather than from the dearth of survival gear. Each step proves more laborious than the next as they trek across what was once a vibrant, safe country. In the distance they spy an isolated, seemingly abandoned farmhouse and barn. Should they approach? Maybe there is food? Weapons? Supplies? Or worse?

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