Horror Headlines: Tuesday, May 8th, 2011

The nice old man from "Babe" AKA James Cromwell has joined the cast of Season 2 of "American Horror Story". He'll play a doctor who goes to battle with his boss, played by Jessica Lange. Am I the only one who just got hungry for some bacon? I can't be.

Guillermo del Toro recently look to his blog to drop the science on why "At the Mountains of Madness" probably isn't happening any time soon. Now I'm confused as hell after reading his explanation but I'll try to explain here. It seems because "Prometheus" and the Alien saga in general is so heavily influenced by HP Lovecraft the camp putting ATMOM together thinks it's not a good idea to push it forward. I don't fully get it but maybe someone else can explain it to me. Also please explain how babies get made.

I don't want to piss in your Wheaties but in a recent interview Anna Faris reveiled that she will most likly not be a part of "Scary Movie 5". I know. I'm taking this pretty hard also. If they dare make a "The House Bunny 2" without her I swear to god I'll shoot someone in the face.

"Wolf Creek" mastermind Greg McLean is taking time off from giving out handies for spare change to fund a sequel to take the directing role on a new film titled "Kill Me Three Times". The film follows a woman in an Australian surfing town who is the link between three different stories of murder, revenge and blackmail. I was just kidding about the handies thing. I'm pretty sure he's just asking people for money. I mean he might be giving handies I don't know. What I'm saying here is I can neither deny nor confirm that "Wolf Creek 2" is being funded by a prostitution ring.

In Real People News: 

A 28 year old school teacher in Florida is facing a pretty hefty detention sentence after it was discovered she deflowered a 16 year old student during school hours. By detention I mean jail. I don't think they can put teachers into detention. It's a loop hole thing or something.

It's always good for high school coaches to challenge their players. Well maybe not always good. This Colorado Hockey coach challenged his players to a masturbation race. That's not good at all.

Netflix Instant Watch: "The Caller" (2011)

Looking for a low budget horror flick that rates higher than the typical 2 star ratings that a lot of the instant watch flicks seem to earn? "The Caller" is a supernatural thriller involving a divorced woman who begins receiving disturbing telephone calls from a woman she doesn't know. As the woman tries to distance herself from the unknown caller, the calls become increasingly threatening and bizarre. Although this movie is shares some similarities with the 2000 movie "Frequency", its still a creepy little story that builds up to an interesting twist.

Album Review: Otherwise - True Love Never Dies

Mainstream rock has been a forgotten son of the metal family for almost as long as I have been aware of the music. Ever since the grunge explosion (the merits of grunge even being a definable sub-genre not withstanding), the singles that populate rock radio have had immeasurable influence from the bands that came out of Seattle. The post-grunge movement, as it became known, is known most of all for two things; bands that prefer angst to any other expression of emotion, and a wave of productions that made the bands indistinguishable from one another.

It's In The Blood (REVIEW)

"It's in the Blood" starts with prodigal son October (Sean Elliot, who also cowrote the film) returning home to visit his estranged father Russell, the sheriff of their small town (Lance Henrikson). Neither distance nor time have softened the hard feelings between them, and the pair embark on a hiking trip in the Texas backwoods in a last ditch attempt to repair their relationship. When a freak accident hobbles Russell with a gruesome leg injury, it falls on his son to tend to the damage.

Horror Headlines: Monday, May 7th, 2011

Award Pictures is apparently in the process of having their asses sued by Mr. Sam Raimi over their plans to make an "Evil Dead 4" film without his involvement or permission. While there's little chance we'll ever actually see "Evil Dead 4: Consequences" I think this is a perfect opportunity for someone to swoop in and make "Evil Dead 5" before anyone has a chance to notice. I'm already working on part 7.

Sharlto Copley, the little alien that couldn't from "District 9", is in talks to play opposite Angelina Jolie in "Maleficent", a new film that plans to tell the back story behind Sleeping Beauty. If he joins the cast Copley will play King Stefan, the napping sweetheart's father. Alien kings! What'll they think of next?

Mick Garris looks like he could be Michael Bay's crazy Uncle but he isn't, I looked it up on the internet to confirm. He is directing a new UFO conspiracy film titled "Invasion" though so it's kind of like they're direction relatives. Ya know, cause they both direct movies. They hang out at the same bars and crap I assume. The Directors Chair I bet it's called. And they have a drink called The Black List with Whiskey and chalk shavings in it. What a couple of jerks.

Sofia Vergara has joined the cast of "Machete Kills". I assume this move is because Jessica Alba is an asshole on the sets of movies and Robert Rodriguez can't cut her out of the film so he did the next best thing. Found a woman that makes her look like a dog faced monster. Well played, señor.

In Real People News: 

We've all played the old "hey my zipper is down and my junk is hanging out" game at the check out line of our local grocery store, but apparently this guy in Michigan is going to jail for it. This is just like those stories you hear about dodge ball being taken out of schools. Fun is dead.

A Long Island woman is accused of selling both sex and hot dogs along the side of the road from a cart. I swear to god it's like every time there's a new street meat trend I always find out about it a day too late.

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