Album Review: Hammercult - "Steelcrusher"

Before we get too far down the rabbit hole with Hammercult’s “Steelcrusher,” let’s take a minute to appreciate the art in front of us. Take a look at that album cover. If you click on it, it’ll show full size. Have you ever seen something so masterful? That album cover, which like a certain rug tying the room together is made whole by the prominent middle finger in the middle of the image, is among the greatest iconography in heavy metal. No joke.

Horror Headlines: Thursday January 30th, 2014

Content Film has announced they will once again be teaming up with the folks that brought you "The Machine" to bring you "Don't Knock Twice". Mark Huckerby and Nick Ostler, who I've never met in person in case you were wondering, will pen the script for the film which will apparently be about some sort of spooky urban legend type thing. What I'm saying is details are light, but I assume knocking will be involved.

Anyone want to see the trailer for the upcoming "From Dusk Till Dawn" TV show? No, no one does. That was a trick question. The show premieres on March 11th on the El Rey Network, which is apparently a thing, and pretty much follows the same plot at the 1996 Robert Rodriguez flick. Still think you might want to see it? What if I told you Rodriguez has nothing to do with the project? That did it? Glad I could help.

Raven Banner Entertainment has dropped news that they will be moving forward with a big screen adaptation of Clive Barker's "Jacqueline Ess: Her Will And Testament". The short story tells the tale of a young lass who has the ability to change people's shape with her mind. So ya know, big peepees come into play I assume. Production is set to begin sometime this fall.

Apparently during my crazy leave it was announced that "Annabelle", the creepy doll from "The Conjuring" would be getting it's own spin off film. Well it looks like Eric Ladin and Brian Howe have both been added to the cast. I have no idea if this is good news or not. I don't know who these guys are. I don't know what this movie is about. I'm so frightened and confused by what else I might have missed.

In Real People News: 

A Philadelphia man is under arrest after he crashed his car into a fried chicken restaurant and then got out of his car, stripped down to nothing and went to town on himself. Because ya know, you're not going to want to do that after you get a belly full of fried chicken.

I've always wondered what would happen if you were getting mugged and it turned out you really didn't have any money. Well if you're in Florida apparently you get slapped in the face with a dick. I'm not surprised by this at all honestly.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday January 28th, 2014

Just to be clear, I have plans tonight and I'll probably get a little tipsy so the chances of you seeing three days in a row of news from me are slim to none.

The wait is over my friends, Troma's "Return to Nuke Em High" will finally hit DVD and Blu-Ray on March 18th. Lloyd Kaufman takes to the director chair again for this sequel to the beloved 1986 classic "Class of Nuke 'Em High". The disc will be chock full of commentary tracks, behind the scene features and all kinds of other magic. You like magic don't you? What kind of jackass doesn't like movie magic?

The other day I was clicking around the old boob tube and stumbled upon something called "Lizzie Borden Took An Ax" which turned out to be a new film staring Christina Ricci as the infamous parent killing ax wielding nut bag. I immediately though "Hey is this Lifetime? Wow I'm not going to watch this! Hey let's not watch that." Then I moved on. Now I read that the flick is being released on DVD this coming April 8th. So just in case you don't have Lifetime but still want to enjoy a movie that was made for Lifetime... ya know this might be important news.

Who doesn't want to see Jennifer Lopez lose her mind and go on a killing spree? No one I want to be friends with that's who! The film is called "Lila And Eve" and it's just been picked up by A+E Networks for an early 2015 release. The project also stars Viola Davis who along with Lopez goes on a killing spree of the local bad guys after their children are murdered. So ya know... I guess it's not that sexy of a movie after all.

Content Films have picked up "The Heist", a new film about a group of robbers who plan to hit a bank that just so happens to be built on top of another bank that just so happens to be haunted by a group of robbers who tried to rob the original bank. Confused? It just so happens to be a slow day and this just so happens to be the best I have right now. I swear I'll stop writing the news again.

In Real People News: 

Here's a guy in Philly who's been arrested for approaching woman and asking them to please him with Swiss cheese. The whole thing is ridiculous. Everyone knows Philly is a cheese wiz kind of town. Know your market buddy.

Oh brothers. They always got each other's back. That is of course until you're drunk watching football and your brother takes the last can of Pepsi. That apparently is when brothers lose their shit and stab each other. God I miss New Jersey.

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