Horror headlines 4/24/08

Pics from M. Night Shyamalan's "The Happening" today. The film is about a mysterious "apocalyptic crisis" that people are running from. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that we're revealed what the "crisis" is in a big twist. Schnaars' is excited already.

Movie called "Splatter Disco" starring Debbie Rochon. I'm assuming if you're a reader here than you can fill in the blanks yourself.

Megan Fox has posted behind the scenes pics from "Jennifer's Body" on her official site, none of which (unfortunately) are of her body. The flick is written by "Juno" scribe Diablo Cody and concerns a cheerleader who specializes in offing her classmates.

In Real People News: 

If you're a hooker - a profession where anonymity counts the most - Going on an ABC expose about hookers might be a bad career move. This woman's mother recognized her on the show, despite her being shown in the shadows and having her voice obscured.

The U.S. Government is preparing to show Congress today that they have evidence (read: Google Earth images) that North Korea is helping Syria develop Nuclear Weapons. Well if the US government says it then it must be true right? It's not like we have a strong precedent that suggests otherwise. Oh, ya... that's right.

A woman has been convicted for assaulting another woman at Disney world for butting in line. I only bring up this story because my grandmother once punched a woman in the ass for butting in front of us at Disney... and it was AWESOME.

On this day in history: 

1995: The Unabomber strikes, killing a timber industry lobbyist. Gilbert Murray is killed in his Sacramento office, opening mail addressed to the man he replaced.

Monkey Dust

When I was a kid my entire knowledge of British tv consisted of Monty Python, Benny Hill, and everything else- the weird stuff they showed on PBS that looked like it was filmed on VHS. These days, British tv has gained some ground with Americans with the success of Spaced, The Office and Doctor Who as well as BBC America and other channels rebroadcasting shows from the UK. My girlfriend is British, and I work with a bunch of Brits for a British organization so I've had the chance to find out about a lot of UK tv that I'd never heard of.

Real Mario? More like real child molestor

I thought I would continue on Schnaars' video game theme today and post this picture.

That sound you hear? It's my childhood being gently bent over a table and ordered to "not say a word".

Jesus. Why do people do this shit to me?

Also, I can't help but think that this could be some sort of composite sketch of the creepy Argentinian Gnome from a few weeks back. Try that one on for size and let me know how well you sleep tonight.

Rethinking the new Day of the Dead(s)

I feel little to no compadre-ship with my fellow horror critics. I feel like that guy in middle school who is listening to They Might Be Giants while everyone else is enjoying the works of Milli Vanilli. Oh, wait—I was that guy. Yep, it seems no matter how much I try to integrate myself into this niche clique, I’ll always be the odd-man out. I’ll always be the guy who is on the periphery of taste and popularity for those tastes. Girl, you know it’s true!

The Mask is Back for Some Splatter

How about some remake news we can all get behind? This time the classic horror property coming in for a touch up isn't a film though, it's a game. In fact, some might call it the horror game. That's right, Splatterhouse is going next-gen, according to EGM, who have put the game's vaguely-Jason-Vorhees-like main character on the cover of their June issue.

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