The Cottage (REVIEW)

David has a dream, a dream of owning a boat. His brother Steven has a dream too, of owning their mother’s house. Neither have the money to buy what they want, but David has a plan; kidnap the daughter of a local small time crime boss and hold her for ransom! If Steven helps, David will sign off his share of mom’s house. If David succeeds, he’s got the money to buy his boat; everybody wins!

Horror Headlines 5/15/08

The guy who designed the "Cloverfield" monster will be doing the FX for the 3D remake of "Piranha", being directed by Alexandre Aja. Sounds pretty interesting to me.

David Lynch and Werner Herzog will be directing a low budget shot on video horror thriller titled "My Son, My Son". The barebones shoot is tentatively scheduled for March on the film, which centers around "a man who acts out a Sophacles play in his mind and kills his mother with a sword". Ya, that pretty much sounds like a Lynch movie to me.

After Dark Horror Films, of "8 Films to Die For" fame, has added a flick to their upcoming in house production slate. It's "Butterfly Effect 3". Um... ya. That doesn't see like a great start to me.

I'll never understand why Asian people are so obsessed with robot sex, but here we have a Phillipino film titled "Killdroid", regarding a "disturbed Goth schoolgirl who stumbles unwittingly across the remnants of a long abandoned military project designed to create an army of android killers from the processed bodies of dead soldiers. The girl takes on the mysteriously beautiful Killdroid as a lover, only to discover, too late, that its insatiable sexual appetite is inexorably linked with a need for slaughter." Wow. I don't even know what to do with that.

In Real People News: 

California judge overturns Gay Marriage ban. Meanwhile... Gas is priced higher than ever and the economy is swirling the proverbial toilet, can you guess which thing the American public is going to be up in arms about?

A woman missing 42 years found dead in front of her television. I'm guessing they didn't look for her that hard.

This Icelandic dude has the largest collection of penises in the world. Hey, when you only get a few hours of sunlight every day you've got to entertain yourself somehow, right?

Well, if you wake up one morning and your horror news isn't served up piping hot, It's because I'm under water. Guess I better invest in a snorkel.

Okay, I'm sure you're sick of celebrity news, but seriously, you have to read about how 72 year old Marlon Brando munched on grapes while banging the crap out of Heidi Fleiss. Oh, she also lives with twenty parrots in a trailer and sometimes eats their food because she can't afford any. I guarantee that will fuel your nightmares more than any movie you've seen this year.

On this day in history: 

1984: Intergender wrestling champion and conceptual comic Andy Kaufman pretends to die of lung cancer. In order to make it really convincing, Andy underwent months of radiation therapy and six weeks of psychic surgery in the Philippines.

Login is fixed!

It has come to my attention recently that people have had trouble logging in. Although I dug the fancy thickbox pop-up for the login, it appears to have created more problems than solutions, so it's no more! The login links haven't moved, they just take you to a standalone page instead of popping up.

So log in and hang with us! We love talking to each other but it's no fun without all of you lads and lasses!

In a World...

This one's been around for a while, but it's still pretty awesome. It's weird to me that these guys have actual physical bodies and aren't just disembodied voices imprisoned by the studios in some sort of Lemarchand box, eternally damned to narrate the trailer for every movie Michael Bay shits outs.

Horror Headlines 5/15/08

There are lots of horror posters popping up at Cannes right now, including some for films that are still just theoretical at this point. Check out the future possibilities at the link.

Check the full synopsis for "The Wolfman" remake. It's just as long and fancy as you'd expect from a big budget Universal remake set during the 30's. The film stars Benicio Del Toro (as Wolfy), Anthony Hopkins, Hugo Weaving and Emily Blunt. It will be released on April 3rd, 2009, a little less than a year from now.

So, Horror-Movies.ca is claiming that John Carpenter's "In the Mouth of Madness" is being remade. That's pretty insane, especially considering that it only came out in 1995. So now, if this is true, we're remaking films that are barely 10 years old. There is zero info at the source except for that, so I'm not taking this seriously until we hear something concrete.

Favorite of all of us who came of age in the 90's, the "Goosebumps" book series by R.L. Stine has been acquired by Columbia Pictures to adapt for the big screen. As the youngest in our crew, I'm sure Mark is squealing with glee right now.

Apparently MonstersHD, the only real hi-def horror channel, is in some kind of legal wrangle with the DishNetwork, and that has caused the channel to go black for the immediate future. Anyone out there have it? This story popped up yesterday, so flip it on and let us know if you're seeing it.

Young Jason Voorhees has been cast in the "Friday the 13th remake. Congratulations on looking like a mongoloid kid, I'm sure you've got a bright future ahead of you.

In Real People News: 

Oooooh, I'm not sure what's more disgusting in this story, the necrophilia, or the fact that she was a 92 year old woman. 92? Nasty.

If you're going to do some kinky shit and have your lover carve stuff into your chest with a knife, you better make sure she's not drunk first. You can fill in the blanks for yourself.

In the no-shit section today, a growing number of communities across the USA are moving to stop sexual predators from becoming ice cream truck drivers. Um, shouldn't that be the first question on the application? And so ends the all deviant sex edition of "Real News" with BGH.

On this day in history: 

1991: Alan Cooper stands trial in England for "committing a lewd, obscene, and disgusting act on the 12-foot dolphin called Freddie as they frolicked for 20 minutes off the harbor mouth at Amble, Northumberland." Cooper responds by claiming that his accuser was a sworn enemy and had trained dolphins for a movie to jump out of the water and tear off a woman's bikini bra. He is eventually acquitted of masturbating the cetacean.

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