Horror Headlines 6/23/08

Lions Gate and Uwe Boll are teaming up to bring us a "Funny Edition" of "House of the Dead". The "Director's Cut", will feature alternate dialogue, animation from the actual game and popup commentary from Uwe himself. Maybe he'll finally explain why they keep showing that zombie scowling next to the same tree throughout the entire film.

Are you ready for "Man-Eater"?. No, I'm not either, but there's info at the link if you change your mind.

Behind the scenes video from "The Descent 2" on Youtube you can check out today. Wouldn't it be insane if this actually turned out to be good? Ya I don't believe it either, but you never know.

So, that picture of Thomas Jane dressed up as comic book character Jonah Hex that was circulating a few months back is indeed real, but that doesn't mean he has the part. Apparently, Jane had an FX friend help him shoot the pic himself, and had it sent off to Warner Bro's to show his enthusiasm for the script and the project. No one has been officially cast, but the film does have a writing/directing duo in Brian Taylor and Mark Neveldine.

Early talks have started on "Hostel Part III". Joy. Eli Roth seems to have gotten smarter, as it's being reported that he will neither write nor direct the film. The article does not mention the possibility of him producing however.

And finally today, word has come down that "American Werewolf in London" will be getting a Blu Ray release, complete with the documentary "Beware of the Moon" which just had it's debut at Horror Hound Weekend in Pittsburgh. No other specs or a date are available yet.

In Real People News: 

68 year old woman gets busted smuggling cocaine to her son in prison through her wig. Man, that's one dedicated mother. Mine would never smuggle cocaine for me.

The lid has been blown off so to speak for a Houston Texas school, when it recently came out that for decades, boys were forced to swim naked in gym class. Ya, I'm sure that won't cause any long lasting damage. (Just read the whole article, apparently this is going on everywhere! What the hell is going on with this?)

It wasn't so much the Christian preaching that got John Freshwater fired from Mount Vernon Middle School in Columbus Ohio, but rather the branding of their arms with crosses. A friend of his said, "with the exception of teh cross-burning episode, I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of parents". Umm.... yeah.

On this day in history: 

1993: In the middle of the night, Lorena Bobbitt severs her husband John's penis and drives off, casually discarding the organ in a farm field. Surgeons successfully reattach the penis, allowing John to enter the porn industry.

Box Office Special - Audiences Fail to See Genius of "Guru"

In a shocking (SHOCKING!) development, "The Love Guru" died a quiet, merciful death in theaters around the country. Proving—perhaps miraculously—that the average moviegoer does have a threshold for cinematic putridity, audiences managed to contain their enthusiasm for goofy voices and the most egregious of non-sequitors, all of which may send "funny-man" Mike Myers back into another five year hibernation (his last actual on-screen appearance was in 2003's "Cat in the Hat").

Patton Oswalt: Death Bed

If you only know Patton Oswalt from his stint on King of Queens or as the voice of Remy from Ratatouille, you should do yourself a favor and check out some of his stand-up. On his most recent comedy album Werewolves and Lollypops he talks about how his job as a screenwriter in Hollywood got harder with the DVD release of an obscure 70's horror film called Death Bed: The Bed That Eats.

Want Horror in the Theater this Week?

If you're feeling blue because you've already caught "The Happening" and "The Strangers," and you just feel like being truly horrified this weekend, let me suggest the following: Go see "The Love Guru."

Now, I haven't seen this movie, nor would I ever subject myself to that sort of torture, but judging from A. O. Scott's review, Mike Myers may have inadvertently created the most terrifying film of the year. Allow me to quote at length:

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