Double Feature: Monsters of Metal


Everyone has that pothead friend who, when he puffs some chronic, goes off on rambling tangents, describing ideas that he has movies that have no chance of ever being filmed, although, secretly, you wish that they would. It seems that from one of these THC-soaked diatribes that the wonderfully transcendent Hard Rock Zombies must have come from; it’s so utterly bizarre and unintentionally hilarious that someone must have been smoking something as they sat at the typewriter.

The Dead Pit (REVIEW)

Dr. Ramzi is a surgeon at the state mental hospital with a touch of the crazy. He has grand dreams that may have a dark side and those dreams involve absconding with the mental patients and cutting them open to check out the inner workings of their brains. It turns out, there was a doctor with morals still at the mental ward, and Dr. Swan didn't want much to do with Ramzi's experiments. So, he shot him in the head and left him in his underground pit of dead people. Cut to 20 years later.

Horror Headlines 6/25/08

The new poster art for "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" is just as sweet as all of the others we've seen, and yet, there is still no release date. However, if you're going to be at Flashback Weekend in Chicago in a few days, it will be screening. We encourage anyone who wants to write a review to toss one our way.

"Land of Canaan" is an Indie thriller about a group of friend who break into a haunted hotel. The film stars Tara Reid, Robert Englund and Dee Wallace Stone. In related news, my script about the horrors of Reid's awful boob job is still looking for funding. Anyone interested?

The Official site for "Prank" is now live. You may recall that "Prank" is a horror anthology with each part being directed by (respectively) Danielle Harris, Ellie Cornell and Heather Langenkamp. You can check out teaser trailers for each story as well as some other stuff at the link.

Richard Kelly's "The Box" is being rumored for a release date of 9/11/09, a full 5 months after it's original release date. No reason as to why, but the first official screening takes place tomorrow, so we'll find out soon enough. The film centers on a couple who are given a box with a button, and are told that if they press it they will receive 1 million dollars, but someone they don't know will die. I still don't know what the problem is here. It sounds like a good way to thin out the dregs of society to me.

Wanna party like it's 1994? Well now you can, by downloading an X-Files ring tone from the official site for the sequel. They updated this weekend with that, plus a bunch of other new material that can all be found at the link.

In Real People News: 

18 year old kid loses his arm to an Alligator bite in the Orlando, Florida area. Serves him right for breaking the one rule about living in this state, DON'T SWIM IN THE EVERGLADES. They call it "Alligator Alley" for a reason... dumbass.

You have to hand it to the Dutch. Not only are they preparing for the end of the world in 2012, but they're pretty optimistic about it. Now THOSE are my kind of people.

I'm not sure what genius came up with the idea of powering ipods with breast physics, but I want to shake his hand. Since this presumably works on bouncing, I guess the members of our "itty bitty titty committee" are going to be left out in the cold. Bummer.

On this day in history: 

1876: General Custer ambushed at Little Big Horn after attempting to slaughter fleeing Indians. He's found naked except for one boot, one sock, and an arrow through his penis. Not to worry though, he would get his revenge in 1982 thanks to Atari.

The Obligatory SAG Strike Blog Post

The prospect has been looming on the horizon for a while, but it appears that the worst may soon come to pass: the Screen Actors Guild may be headed for a strike of their own, just months after the WGA wrapped up its labor dispute. Everything from movie production to the fall TV line-up is now up in the air, and those projects already underway are rushing to wrap things up.

What if? American Dragon Vs John Cena

I haven't posted a wrestling blog in a while, but after reading about Bryan Danielson working a dark match for WWE recently it got me thinking of some marquee matchups and how Danielson may just be the new young star WWE is looking for. Obviously John Cena is the top dog these days, and I was quite intrigued by the fact that Danielson and Cena did in fact meet in a WWE ring 6 years ago on one of their throwaway dark match shows, Velocity. We'll see where this goes!

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