Double Feature: Two Fingers, One Throat


Starring Ameara LaVey, Pig Lizzy, Hank Skinny

Directed by Lucifer Valentine

Kingdom of Hell Productions

Before I watched Slaughtered Vomit Dolls, I had a tuna fish sandwich and some macaroni and cheese.

By the end, it was all over my shirt and was now caked and drying.

Horror Headlines 9/16/08

"Lost Planet", the third person shooter for the XBOX 360, is being adapted into a feature film. It's being written by David Hayter, who penned the original "X-Men" as well as the upcoming "Watchmen". The main crux of the game is that you're stuck on a frozen planet, and instead of energy you have "heat" you have to maintain in order to stay alive. The film is being co-financed by Warner Bro's and Capcom.

I seem to remember mentioning a "Night of the Demons" remake a while back. Well, it turns out it's true and now they have three hot female stars. Diora Baird, Shannon Elizabeth and Monica Keena have all been tapped (that's what she said?) to star in the remake of Kevin Tenny's rock and roll demon flick from the 80's. This version will be directed by Adam Geirasch.

I've never heard of this video game "Dead Space", but when I'm told that the trailer for the game was BANNED IN THE US, well now you've got my attention. Check the banned trailer at the link.

I've endured the "Halloween" remake and I'm even being won over by the idea of a "Friday the 13th" remake, but now they've gone too far. Paramount has bought the remake rights to 80's classic "Monster Squad", and Rob Cohen is producing. As I look back at at Cohen's IMDB, I see that he did actually produce the original film, as well as "The Witches of Eastwick", so I guess this isn't all bad. Of course, he also directed "xXx: State of the Union" and "Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor", so I'm not totally sure that we're out of the woods yet.

In Real People News: 

I'm not sure what's crazier about this story, that a woman left her sex offender brother home alone with her 5 month old bulldog, or that the writer says he used the bulldog to masturbate. Is that a PC euphemism that means he banged the dog? Or did he come up with some shit that I can't quite wrap my brain around? The world may never know.

Gangsters in Los Angeles are now using bicycles for drive-bys. And apparently, the police couldn't catch the suspects in this latest incident. Hey, at least they're being environmentally friendly, right?

On this day in history: 

1945: First Atomic Bomb is exploded at Trinity, Alamagordo New Mexico. The explosion yields the equivalent 18,000 tons of TNT.

The Florida Files: Volume 1

I've been thinking about doing this on the site for a while now, and I finally got off my ass today and did a little research. I call this, "The Florida Files". It's sort of like an extension of my "real news" that I do every day, since approximately 1/3rd of the stories I do come from here anyways. So, here's what you've been missing out on.

Los Campeones De La Lucha Libre!

While I've been sitting back eagerly anticipating/dreading Rob Zombies perpetually-in-production animated Lucha film "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto," the folks behind lucha zine "From Parts Unknown" have been piecing together an animated feature called "Los Campeones De La Lucha Libre" (that's spanish for, the niño) that looks to be a slightly more teenish if not adultish version of Cartoon Network's "Mucha Lucha," and I'm ok with that!

Horror Headlines 7/15/08

Are you ready for a "restart" for the "Scream" franchise?. Well get ready, because the Weinstein's have signed a deal with Showtime for a whole host of pictures, and among them is the long rumored "Scream 4". The project will (presumably) move ahead with all new principles, and sounds like a sort of "reboot" for the franchise. Despite my much professed love of the first one, I can't see a single positive in this story.

Woody Allen has joined Roland Emerich's "2012", as a "crackpot" forseeing the end of the world. Wow, that's a stretch. The film is due out next summer, and will be based up on the Mayan doomsday prophecy.

Spanish Lovecraft adaptation called "La Herencia De Valdemar". The story follows an investigator called in to investigate mysterious disappearances at a scary old Victorian mansion.

Babylon AD trailer. I honestly can't remember the last time I went to see a Vin Deisel movie, but I have to say this one looks pretty cool.

Shocker, Paul W.S. Anderson's original "Castlevania" script was garbage. Luckily the script is being "reshaped", but it still remains to be seen how much it will change from this first draft.

In Real People News: 

This may be the first real life instance of someone having an evil twin. Of course, when your twin is a pedophile the story kind of loses it's kitsch value.

Americans are twice as likely to have tried marijuana than the Dutch, a country where it's actually LEGAL. Just more proof of the amazing progress we've made in the "War on Drugs".

Yet another guy who committed suicide by decapitating himself with a chainsaw. Hey, it wouldn't be my first choice, but I suppose he gets style points

On this day in history: 

1974: During a live broadcast of the Sarasota, Florida morning news program Suncoast Digest, newscaster Chris Chubbuck tells the audience: "In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see another first: an attempted suicide." Then she blows her brains out with a .38 revolver.

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